tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14642731167246041992024-02-19T02:17:40.628-08:00On the bright sideGoofiernuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15105779598281452926noreply@blogger.comBlogger140125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1464273116724604199.post-79965228297000861642016-10-29T13:33:00.002-07:002021-09-18T13:56:16.148-07:00The assault continues<span style="font-size: large;"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> August 22nd
2014 </b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">
I have not missed the bitchy phone calls. I haven't bitten
off my nails either. And the lawyer hasn't called. So far so good.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">
I did get a letter from Dr. Bunch, not that it will will do
any good now. But I will keep it on file.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">
Bob posted on our business page. I got a screenshot of it
and it's on file. Katherine also posted, it's on file. Orge replied to Bob with
"grow the fuck up, ass hat." I privately thank him.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">
When I ride, I don't hear mother's voice warning me that
"You might get killed!". Thank you, Jesus, for that miracle!</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
</div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
</div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">August 24th 2014 </b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">
Cam had his anniversary parking lot party yesterday. Guess
who showed up? Bob. He didn't come inside, thank goodness. But it put me on
edge. Should he show up, I've got a plan to turn the camera on movie mode and a
place to set it, grab the phone and my clothes rack bar and meet him head-on if
I have to. He needs to stay out of my business. Damn, I am really on edge now!
And I can't do any sort of restraining order unless he confronts me. Well, if
he does, I'm fighting.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">August 25th 2014 </b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">
I've been enjoying not having to listen to mother’s constant
bitching. I've gone a full week without biting off my nails. It will take
another week before the left fingers will look decent. I chewed them off fairly
short.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">August 27th 2014 </b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">
Bob is at it again. He put a comment on Lisa's review of
CIC. She told him off. She took a photo of it and I was able to save it. I started
looking for a lawyer to write a cease-and-desist letter, which is making him
look stupid because now I've got to pay a lawyer instead of paying her.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">
If he steps foot in my shop when I'm there alone, I have a
plan: set up the camera to record, call nine-one-one for police and grab my
clothes rack bar.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">
Later:</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">
Sent an email off to a lawyer Mary Sisson recommended. We shall see
if he can do a cease-and-desist letter. Hopefully it won't cost too much....
Which makes them look even stupider because now I have to pay a lawyer money
that I could be paying to her.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">August 29th 2014 </b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">
Got a letter from Sachman. Mother took me off as power of
attorney. Yay.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">
She has chosen money over me. So be it. She no longer has me
as a daughter.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">August 31st 2014 </b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">
Got an email back from the lawyer, $250 for a
cease-and-desist letter. Sigh...</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">
Tomorrow is two weeks since I severed ties with mother and the
rest of them. And two weeks since I stopped biting. I do not miss the bitching.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">September 2nd 2014</b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">
I didn't get the job. FUCK.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">
I got a call from Adult Protective Services. FUCK FUCK.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">
Maxine is now posting on CIC’s reviews. FUCK FUCK FUCK!</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">
I have an appointment tomorrow with a lawyer to see about a
cease-and-desist letter to them.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">
Sigh... At least yesterday was a good day.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">
Really sucks about the job. I could have worked for them.
Sigh... Oh well.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">
The guy from Adult Protective Services said Mom claimed I
said she couldn't contact me. Geez... I said she could email me. Snail mail would
be okay too. I want everything in writing from her from now on. She has told
too many lies.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">
I bought another Mega Millions ticket. Dear God and
Jesus, please let me win enough to pay mother off and secure my home. Please. I
can't stand to be beaten down anymore!</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">
On a happy note, my nails are growing in nicely, despite the
financial worries.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">
I would so love to pay her off in full and tell her
"You have chosen money over a daughter. I no longer consider you my
mother. Goodbye!"</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">
Please Jesus? Please? I would pay her, pay the house and
help people with housing, food, bills... I would spread the wealth. Please?</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">
10:51pm</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">
No winning ticket. I just cannot catch a break.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">
I have an appointment with a lawyer tomorrow, though.
Sigh... I just want to be done with the whole lot of them. Family is supposed
to pick you up when you're down, not kick you, but that is all my relatives
have ever done. Sad.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
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I should try to sleep. I've had
a headache ever since I saw Maxine's comment, then the phone call from APS
didn't help. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border: medium none; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid windowtext .75pt; mso-padding-alt: 0in 0in 1.0pt 0in; padding: 0in;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
</div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span>Goofiernuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15105779598281452926noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1464273116724604199.post-40857200887853682412016-10-28T13:40:00.001-07:002021-09-18T13:50:55.666-07:002014-Shit hits the fan and I go NC<span style="font-size: large;"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">******************************</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">*WARNING*</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">I am using software to
track who reads this blog.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">******************************</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">August 14, 2014</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: large;">Oh fuck, shit hit the fan yesterday! Where
to start?<br />
I had Martin call her and tell her I had a migraine and to please let me sleep.
She took it as “you're not allowed to call her” and started going off the deep
end. She called Maxine and cried to her how she was worried about me. She even
sent me a message on Facebook, so I called her to get her off the phone to
Maxine. She never did say that Martin told her don't call her, just that she
wanted to not disturb me. She started in again about the money in her nest egg
and “is there some reason you don't want me to have my money?” I told her that
I didn't really trust Bob. “How’s he going to get it? Are you worried about me?”
told her truthfully that yes, I have seen and heard her do some things that
have me worried. Now <b>that</b> didn't go over well! And during all of this I
was in chat on Facebook with Maxine. Told her that I see now what she was
dealing with and that I was sorry that I allowed mom to drive a wedge between
us. I was finally able to get off the phone nearly two hours later and I put in
a call to Dr. Bunch. He suggested I call mental health which I did. Mom got
right back on the phone with Maxine bitching about me saying that with my
depression she didn't think I was capable of taking care of her. My current
depression is due to <b>you</b> mother! I called mental health and they
suggested I have Mom call them. Yeah, right! They suggested I try to get Mom
back on her meds for anxiety. They want me to get her into a doctor. Her
appointment isn't until September 23<sup>rd</sup>, though Maxine says she's
coming to visit the 9th thru the 20<sup>th</sup>, so I'm going to try to change
the appointment for sometime in there.<br />
I have an appointment for me tomorrow at mental health. They want to get a
support plan in place for me. Mom said something to me while she was on the phone;
she wants to “correct the situation” so she is no longer a burden on us. Now, I
didn't really catch that until I copied and pasted it to print out for the guy
I'm seeing tomorrow. I'm wondering if maybe I should try to drag mom to the
Urgent Care Clinic sooner rather than wait till the appointment in September.<br />
<span style="color: #010101;">At one point I was trying to tell her
when my next free day was and she screamed out "When do *I* come
first?!" and then started bawling.</span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">
<b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;"> August 17,
2014</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: large;">I am done with the whole family. Mother has
changed stories depending on who she's talking to. Max is going back on what
she said about Mom. Bob is bitching me out about the money. Martin said,” Let
the Bob without sin cast the first stone.” Made me laugh. Mom called Mr. Sachman,
the lawyer, and bawled to him for an hour and a half and he claims he saw no
evidence of mental illness. Sigh… I give up. To protect myself I am stepping
back. Let Bob deal with her; I don't give a fuck anymore! I'm tired of the lies
and deceit that this woman has inflicted on me. She <u>does</u> have a mental illness;
it is just like Anita's and no one will believe me until she goes downhill.<br />
Tomorrow in about 12 hours I am pretty much severing ties with mother. I know
according to her I will be an awful person and I know Bob has already turned
her against me. He sent me a message on Facebook. He can fuck
off.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisIu7RXFqARR1Vb5iO915KftIFJXyTCEll5lqCP93JiI-4CssbMDbJ96gpgMR6ZiaEVIV3nd5aPBIu2rmk5oZG2hJ5yzmlBqyPZyluAYnUcpas9LEufN_fu41QAfA9fFPylcgzjtMBZMEx/s1600/CropBob4.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="247" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisIu7RXFqARR1Vb5iO915KftIFJXyTCEll5lqCP93JiI-4CssbMDbJ96gpgMR6ZiaEVIV3nd5aPBIu2rmk5oZG2hJ5yzmlBqyPZyluAYnUcpas9LEufN_fu41QAfA9fFPylcgzjtMBZMEx/w532-h247/CropBob4.jpg" width="532" /></a></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
knew Max will turn against me because now she looks good compared to me. How
quickly she forgot what mother is really like! </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: large;">We went for a ride today and I apologized
to Dad. I think under the circumstances he understands mother is going the same
route as Anita, but no one believes me! Oh well, I don't give a fuck anymore.<br />
I need to deliver a message to the apartment manager telling him to rewrite the
lease and have mother sign it and take me off. I refuse to be liable for her
lease if she decides to move back. Sigh… part of me wishes I had left her ass
over there yet part of me is screaming “Yes! Finally free of the bitch!” </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: large;">When I was riding the motorcycle today, I
didn't hear mother's voice pissing and moaning about how I would crash and die,
so once I deliver the handwritten letter, maybe her voice will shut up. I hope! I told her
to not call me but she is welcome to email me or send a message on Facebook. I
restricted that entire side of the family. I definitely want to sever ties with
Bob. He has no right to chew me out about using the money! The only one who has
that right would be mother, but she would go on and on about it for days, weeks,
months, YEARS! I wish I could win the lotto so I can just pay it back all at
once and wash my hands of her. As it is, I will have to think about her once or
twice a month when I make a deposit.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">(Bob sent Martin a message on facebook, too.) </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiivyenSh6iFwrjMU-JHBBtl3v4MoAoXlznw7ZWzKOxDGsu74TKb82OgpIPNJQjwHPYtehGpz5g70Pelz2HThp1JeemNOBaijiECknRr8fZlG4m4FzPtymnn_AOIHR7fZrQtnlpMwj-uzO4/s1600/cropbob3.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiivyenSh6iFwrjMU-JHBBtl3v4MoAoXlznw7ZWzKOxDGsu74TKb82OgpIPNJQjwHPYtehGpz5g70Pelz2HThp1JeemNOBaijiECknRr8fZlG4m4FzPtymnn_AOIHR7fZrQtnlpMwj-uzO4/s320/cropbob3.jpg" width="311" /></a></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;"> </span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;"> </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US">August 18th 2014</span></b><span lang="EN-US"><br />
It is done. I deposited $203.65 in the account, put the deposit slip in the
envelope and put the whole mess on her front doorstep. I am done! I blocked
everyone on Facebook, too. So done! I left a note for the manager to rewrite
the lease and take me off of it. I want no more to do with her. I'm expecting her
lawyer to call but I left the cell phone at home. Aw, shucks. I asked Martin
this morning if I should just turn it off since there's no real need for it now.
He said he wouldn't miss it.<br />
Well my nails should grow back nicely now. I don't have any reason to bite them
off. </span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span>Goofiernuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15105779598281452926noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1464273116724604199.post-81256518222989838172016-06-19T10:55:00.001-07:002021-09-18T13:48:42.123-07:002014- Trying to please a narc<span style="font-size: large;"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">******************************</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">*WARNING*</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">I am using
software to track who reads this blog.</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">******************************</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">January 30, 2014</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">Last Thursday mom
called in a panic. Hugh the maintenance guy barged into
her apartment and demanded that he fill out
some financial paperwork for her. I was going to cal Shari the
director but Mom was afraid Shari would get
mad at HER. So I called Stewart Brown at Village Concepts <i><corporate headquarters="" nbsp=""></corporate></i>.
He said that NO, Hugh was not supposed to do that. I just called and left a
message for Stewart to get a follow up call back. Sigh... and Max is
pissed that SHE didn't get to call. Oy. Like I need her mouth going off and
pissing people off.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;"><later></later></span></i><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;"> Mom called this evening and I told
her three times that I had a stomach bug. Not ONCE did she ask if I
was better now. That hurts. It was all about her.</span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">April 24, 2014</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">It's amazing how self
absorbed she has become.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">I'm tired of hearing
Mom bitch about Max and Jessica and the kids and the laundry room and the
people at the apartment and the people at church and... yeah...</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">May 18, 2014</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">She says she's ready
to go now. <i><meaning apartment.="" apartment="" at="" because="" for="" in="" lake="" leave="" moses="" of="" perceived="" problems="" ready="" s="" she="" the="" to="" vancouver=""></meaning></i></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8VHwm2NQKheXdbra21bEIA0ZXer_nVYuzsP2BYxphHApQ-09iJpwh9cEexURVMTSyo342RemnUMp9RkawZ8zCUl7W3ZNuUQeO2Z6jhEDaPHEUDAS6wjXbPz5H8OiC8uguW8keQWOjcZ8K/s1600/dont-feed-the-narcissists.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8VHwm2NQKheXdbra21bEIA0ZXer_nVYuzsP2BYxphHApQ-09iJpwh9cEexURVMTSyo342RemnUMp9RkawZ8zCUl7W3ZNuUQeO2Z6jhEDaPHEUDAS6wjXbPz5H8OiC8uguW8keQWOjcZ8K/s320/dont-feed-the-narcissists.jpg" width="320" /></a><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">MOVING DAY</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">May 29, 2014</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">There truly is
NO pleasing this woman. The ants are a valid problem. So is the dryer
door being hard for her to open. But the stains on the <i><bathroom></bathroom></i> floor?
She's driving herself into a frenzy. I tried to explain to her that it is NOT
going to be perfect. She said she doesn't expect perfect but that the owner
should put new flooring in for every new tenant. I told her if I was a
landlord, I wouldn't put new stuff down because you don't know if the
next person will take care of it. She just shook her head at me like "I'm
right, you're wrong."</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">And Bob. Oh my... he
came to "help" unpack but all he did was to cut open
boxes, rummaged through each one and then carry it to her.
He would stack them up all around her and she couldn't hardly move.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">May 30, 2014</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">Apparently the previous
tenant left the oven a mess and she's worked herself into a tizzy about it. She
thinks the manager should clean it and that she should get a full month's rent
off for it. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">June 6, 2014</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">More DRAMA!
"There are ants EVERYWHERE!" I sent Martin out with Terro traps.
He'll let me know how many there really are.<br />
She also thinks that the manager of the apartment doesn't like her having
a freezer or having an air conditioner. Honestly, I think it's just her
thinking everyone is out to get her. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;"><later></later></span></i><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;"> I just looked up "paranoia"
and it describes Mom really well, especially the "everyone is out to get
me" part.</span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">June 26, 2014</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">I
took Mom for a hair cut but she wasn't happy with the hair dresser. I
know she won't be happy with ANYONE.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDEMmlcMBThkyiZRANPdUpDGrBE6TuOzgR7VBvP2BdVUMtUjAzcFze22RRodjcJpBAy-yVaGoaDBQ1xTsKvxLAVBdjc64cwkxfomA-xnjJ3xKruZdN6_I8SZoi_5szNanQlRRlpNLFiwgS/s1600/document+it.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="510" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDEMmlcMBThkyiZRANPdUpDGrBE6TuOzgR7VBvP2BdVUMtUjAzcFze22RRodjcJpBAy-yVaGoaDBQ1xTsKvxLAVBdjc64cwkxfomA-xnjJ3xKruZdN6_I8SZoi_5szNanQlRRlpNLFiwgS/w293-h510/document+it.jpg" width="293" /></a><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;"> </span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">July 1, 2014</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">Got her a portable
air conditioner and took the widow unit back...<br />
It's amazing how Mom can make the SMALLEST thing into a BIG DEAL. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">OH MY GOD,
THIS IS A JUST A HORRID PROBLEM AND IT NEEDS TO BE TAKEN CARE
OF NOW BEFORE <b>I DIE</b>!</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">No, seriously... call
waiting doesn't pop up the caller ID when someone beeps in. Century Link
doesn't have that feature. It just DOESN'T EXIST. I spent half an hour trying
to explain to Mom that she can't order it because it DOESN'T EXIST. "So, I
DON’T have call waiting???"<br />
And the damn fucking "critical" message that Avast pops up... I'm
tempted to change virus protection just to avoid the pain of having to tell Mom
over and over, "it's a fucking commercial to get you to buy the extended
version! "So, I need to pay money??" ARGH!</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">July 7, 2014</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">I could swim at
Klineline or Vancouver
Lake, but then I have
mother screaming in my head. Dear God, it's a wonder I do ANYTHING with her
mental influence going on in my brain.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US">July 27th 2014</span></b><span lang="EN-US"> </span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: large;">Every little thing to mother is a major
crisis. I checked in on her. The ants! The horror! Even the Terro Traps aren’t
killing them off. I'd like to try the sugar/ baking soda/ borax mix again. Doubt
that she will let me. I know it's sad, but I honestly think she would be
happier if she were dead.<br />
Having him so close is kind of a pain in the ass. Bob keeps hanging around I
think he's hoping for money</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">------------------------</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">Memory Flashback:</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">My mother had a bout of
stomach problems, so I took her into urgent care. He referred her to a gastroenterologist.
I had also managed to get her set up with a general practitioner that was
taking new Medicare patients. The doctor’s name was Dumler. When I told my
mother the woman’s name, my mother smarted off, “What, is she DUMB or
something???” <br />
That’s when it really hit me that there was something seriously mentally wrong
with my mother. Now she was attacking people just based on their names. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">----------------------</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">August 11, 2014</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">Mom will not be happy
even when she's dead. Sigh... and the last thing I need her doing is
pissing off the manager and getting kicked out. But according to her, there are
THOUSANDS of ants now. She will sit in the bathroom for hours and kill them
off. Sigh. The Terro traps aren't working, probably because she's killing them
before they can take the poison back to the colony. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">August 13, 2014</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: large;">Mom says she wants to take back control of
the account. I'm afraid that Bob is grooming her and trying to take over her
money. What to do, what to do? She asked about having the statements sent to
her again, but to do that, ownership would need to be switched back to her. I'm afraid Bob is trying to get a hold of the money.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: large;">She's also still being paranoid about the
ants.<br />
I need to call the apartment manager tomorrow and hear his side of the story.
it most likely won't match up with mom’s because I know how paranoid she is. I just
looked up paranoia disorder. Most people don't seek treatment because they
don't believe anything is wrong with them. And Mom doesn't see it.<br />
I'm supposed to take Mom for a haircut tomorrow, but I just don't feel like
dealing with her on 3 hours of sleep. I'm thinking of having Martin call her
and tell her I have a migraine, but then that will add to the paranoia against
me. Yeah, I think Bob may be grooming her.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEike4IGOAOpAKipopx4MO6HCRmyTUmhFRS6gUtPnpSeFSqiGJnvjTEQeKmQpToFddL2KIpTVlXRUWLHULE65TZ4VtgSkYgEE3eHhl4jkbmuLPuxV3T11xraYn3d3trPsYo8xnu_nJhyphenhyphenkbl9/s1600/projecting.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="329" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEike4IGOAOpAKipopx4MO6HCRmyTUmhFRS6gUtPnpSeFSqiGJnvjTEQeKmQpToFddL2KIpTVlXRUWLHULE65TZ4VtgSkYgEE3eHhl4jkbmuLPuxV3T11xraYn3d3trPsYo8xnu_nJhyphenhyphenkbl9/w473-h329/projecting.jpg" width="473" /></a><span lang="EN-US"><later> Oh my God! She’s claiming I'm incompetent
and that she's going to get legal help to get her money back even though she
has access to it! She wants paper statements sent to her apartment.<br />
<span style="color: #010101;">Oh, and she is thinking about taking a chair in the
bathroom so she can sit there and read a book and kill ants. (facepalm)</span></later></span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">She has turned
against Cortina. She said that when Cortina came to help move, she would take
off with Mom's purse. *I* know Cortina wouldn't that.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span>Goofiernuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15105779598281452926noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1464273116724604199.post-20847271180970242122016-06-18T13:01:00.001-07:002021-09-18T13:46:49.092-07:002013- Death and hernias<span style="font-size: large;"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">******************************</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">*WARNING*</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">I am using software to
track who reads this blog.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">******************************</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjS01WtmAqG8aKytbnsIS9EtZK0I6Slj0kljAA_pRY4aXuVcyCVV6l4kJEpHohsTXm-8h409RRj43lF9aU7VLQmVcznhI1HC1P0oF_izByBXl0Sbsxu79MKd1GqHEoZYLPk5XyJ8XyQu5Wk/s1600/edvard-munch-the-scream.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="329" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjS01WtmAqG8aKytbnsIS9EtZK0I6Slj0kljAA_pRY4aXuVcyCVV6l4kJEpHohsTXm-8h409RRj43lF9aU7VLQmVcznhI1HC1P0oF_izByBXl0Sbsxu79MKd1GqHEoZYLPk5XyJ8XyQu5Wk/w438-h329/edvard-munch-the-scream.jpg" width="438" /></a></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;"><b>A little back history:</b><br />
My half sister, Anita, the one that physically abused me when I was kid, was
diagnosed schizophrenic. She had been living in an assisted living home at one
point. She was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes and it was suggested she have
dialysis done. Before dialysis could begin, some women from the Mormon church
arranged for Anita to be transferred to a place in Idaho. After the transfer,
Anita claimed that the women were taking all her money. At one point, one of
the checks that Anita signed showed up. The date on the check coincided with
her being in Medical Lake and it was made out to a funeral home in Othello. One
of the women from the Mormon Church worked there. The only portion of the check
in Anita’s handwriting was the signature. Everything else was in someone else’s
handwriting. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">I have a suspicion that
someone had taken out an insurance policy on Anita and then moved her in the
hopes that she would die and no one in the family would know. I also suspect
that, if there WAS an insurance policy, it was being paid for from Anita’s bank
account. I was told she was getting money from the state because of her mental
illness. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">But Anita called our
mother, and told her she’d been moved. My mother and Maxine went to Idaho and
became Anita’s legal guardian’s, then had her transferred back to Washington.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">---------------</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;"> </span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">April 17, 2013</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: large;">Well, Anita is gone, I got here Sunday
evening and we've been back and forth since. Today at noon we decided to leave
figuring she'd linger several more days. I had taken mom's car to get wiper
blades</span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;"> then was going to do a couple more errands, just to get away
from Mom for awhile. My god, the woman is even MORE anal and OCD! And
she's been snipping at me!!</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: large;">I keep telling her that if she moves over
by me, I will help her get the negative out of her system. I will need a lot of
help, though. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: large;">Mother doesn't want to pursue the possibility
that the Mormon women may have a life insurance policy on Anita. So without her
on board, we're dead in the water. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: large;">Anyhow we're
planning a family-only graveside service on Friday which is when they're going
to lower her into the ground. And I have a fucking cold. Probably got it from
mom, who got it from Renee. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">
Thank GOODNESS I had the foresight to grab the Zicam cuz like bloody fucking
hell Mom would let me out of her sight long enough to go get some. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">And she even admitted
that if she moves over there, she'd be bugging me every day.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">--------------</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">I had suggested to my
mother that, since she was Anita’s guardian, go to the bank and ask to see bank
statements to see if an insurance policy was being paid for from that account.
She refused that idea… until the day after Anita died. THEN she wanted to go to
the bank.<br />
Well, you can guess what the bank said… “Now that she’s dead, you’re not
guardian of anyone anymore.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">Even though Anita
hurt me physically until I was 16 and kicked her ass, it made me mad that
someone could take advantage of a mentally ill person. <br />
There’s nothing I can do except let Karma take over. I tried.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">I'm glad I went, though. Anita was to the point where she couldn't move or open her eyes, but you could see her eyeballs moving around and she could move her eyebrows. I didn't want to be around her when she was conscious because I didn't know what she would do, if she would be okay with me there or she would revert to how she was when I was little and try to hurt me. So I waited until she was mostly unresponsive to go sit bedside vigil. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">At one point, my mother and Maxine left the room. I went to Anita and said, "Anita, this is Heidi." And her eyeballs and eyebrows went CRAZY. I could tell she was trying to open her eyes. I told her, "Everything between us is forgiven." She seemed to relax after I said that. I hope it brought her some peace. I know it did for me. Looking back, she must have been dealing with mental illness for a very long time. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">----------------</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">April 28, 2013</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVOy3Eid97FbeSY8SkleBXdeUKa58ENYQamm7xIFPGuyLDFgT_J1WQm6v6XtRve80HdqdtZwJ3JvZWa07X2UoFrTi_rayMmPNTInZgyqXyBvOCx6ygyo_YjLy5-G20uiNyieRQO8T4TZ5F/s1600/Know-if-Someone-Is-Talking-Behind-Your-Back.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="291" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVOy3Eid97FbeSY8SkleBXdeUKa58ENYQamm7xIFPGuyLDFgT_J1WQm6v6XtRve80HdqdtZwJ3JvZWa07X2UoFrTi_rayMmPNTInZgyqXyBvOCx6ygyo_YjLy5-G20uiNyieRQO8T4TZ5F/w388-h291/Know-if-Someone-Is-Talking-Behind-Your-Back.jpg" width="388" /></a><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">Pretty sure Mom's
showing signs of dementia now. She's telling the same stuff over and over. And
she's CONVINCED those "nosy Mormon women" are plotting to drive her
bat shit crazy. She really thinks they are out to get her. Sigh...<br />
If she DOES decide to move over here, I honestly don't know what I'm going to
do. Last Tuesday when one of the women, Mary Merrill, came to her door to leave
a card, Mom called my home phone, left a message, then called my cell FOUR
TIMES and left messages. For the love of... I was on the BIKE. I can't exactly
answer while I'm riding. Sheesh. And she was just so sure that Mary Merrill was
there to torture her. Sigh... Mom's gotten even more paranoid about germs and
OCD like you wouldn't believe. She got upset when I tried to take a different
route back to her apartment. Sigh...<br />
The entire time I was there, she wouldn't let me go off by myself without a bit
of a fit. Sigh... I just don't know what to do. If she
moves over here, she will want me with her 24/7 and just can NOT do
that. She will be on the phone with me several times a day and she will
get irate when I tell her no, I can't come rushing to
her because I'm at the shop.</span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">June 1, 2013</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">So, my mom can hint
and hint and hint and gets mad when people don't take the hint and
give her what she wants... yet she can't take the hint either.<br />
She sent a card saying for us to use the credit card
or some of the money to buy us
something. I wrote her back saying we didn't want to buy anything, we have
plenty of stuff, but we need help with the mortgage. HINT. Nope, no bite.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">--------------------</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">My mother had a
hernia and kept putting off surgery “until Anita dies!” Anita died in APRIL.
She put off the surgery for 3 more months.<br />
She wanted me to come take care of her… of course. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">Why me? Because I was “self-employed”
and could “shut the shop down whenever you want to!” <br />
Our business was sponsoring an event which was to take place on August 2nd. I
told her this and I asked her to try to schedule the surgery AFTER the event. <br />
NOPE. July 30th. <br />
“That’s the date they GAVE me! I had NO CHOICE!” <br />
Right… I seriously doubt that.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">Maxine showed up at the hospital to sit vigil. I wasn't surprised, since she lives there. I was shocked when Bob showed up, though. We sat in the cafeteria and he bitched about the choice of food, and fat shamed Maxine and me. He pissed and moaned about his junker car and how much gas it took to drive across the state. I'm pretty sure he was high on something. He had that look around and in his eyes. </span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">I just kept my mouth shut.</span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;"> </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">As soon as we got the okay to go up to see our mother, we went up, he said hello, then beat feet it out the door. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">----------------------
</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">August 3, 2013</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;"><br />
She's been home for just over 24 hours... Sigh... I FINALLY did something right
by her... I made a good dinner.<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
</span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">August 8, 2013</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;"><br />
I can tell Mom's feeling better. She's starting to wrap the apron strings
around my neck. I HAD to get away this evening so I went for a ride in search
of coffee.</span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">August 9, 2013</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;"> <b> </b></span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">As much as the cats
annoy me, they don't annoy me as much as Mom does. She has to do a task THE
absolute most difficult way possible. Like today. Grocery shopping. Mom had
FIVE lists. FIVE. And halfway through the trip, she had lost them. Luckily, I
had transcribed them onto another sheet of paper...</span></div><span style="font-size: large;"></span><span style="font-size: large;"></span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGbxq__3r0McjvBPemPhqAvstKeoHSWzvmkTegf-l2x9Kwp7TEcj9np9gaHj5-kdN9XE7TXrdWw45Pv1fXGGSV7KBNyRDuWwu9GT3BRNtCtcy5rW0WoHbgeTgvdlwPeK5Zqu0Uad9hI8N1/s1600/Apron+strings.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="445" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGbxq__3r0McjvBPemPhqAvstKeoHSWzvmkTegf-l2x9Kwp7TEcj9np9gaHj5-kdN9XE7TXrdWw45Pv1fXGGSV7KBNyRDuWwu9GT3BRNtCtcy5rW0WoHbgeTgvdlwPeK5Zqu0Uad9hI8N1/w451-h445/Apron+strings.jpg" width="451" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;"> </span></b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">August 11, 2013</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;"> <br />
She kinda got bitchy before she went to bed. I don't know if it's because she's
hurting or because she realized I was leaving tomorrow. Sigh... I can't live
with her! She is an emotional and energy vampire to me. She expects me to be
with her 24/7 and I CAN'T DO IT!</span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">I went for a ride
earlier. She said, "Oh, are you gearing up?" Sigh...
I actually replied, "No, I thought I'd go out naked."
Seriously, some of the questions that pop out of her head. And
the grilling me whenever I go to leave. Geez.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">She is going to try
to drag out our good-bye tomorrow, I just know it. WHY does she have to be this
way? I am so thankful that I'm stronger than her, but she's sucking me under. I
need to breathe or she will drown me!</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">-----------------</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">By this point, I had
been at her place for two weeks, from July 29 to August 12.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">I got to go home for a
week, then back to her place for a week and a half.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">-----------------</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">August 20, 2013</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;"> <b> </b></span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">I'm back at Mom's.<br />
Really hoping I don't have to come back, for awhile, at least. Mom seems a
little more open to moving. I will check out apartments when I get
back. She's not going to be happy no matter where she is. Sigh...</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">August 21, 2013</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;"> <b> </b></span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">Sigh... I can't wait
to go HOME. I am so fucking BORED, sitting on my ass doing NOTHING but watching
TV or facebook. Mom doesn't like me leaving the apartment. My gosh, I hope I
never become so dependent on someone, anyone, that I shut down every time they
leave. Yeesh. How weak. She barely let me out the friggin' door this morning to
go walk. If she could, she'd have me move in and sit with her all day at her
beck and call. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">December 18, 2013</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2RghAyfGpZkDE994qqKkwv5EXLBFlR4VF101KZ8lsggREE1mF3b2IUX7vcJhXxPdvhp_HJYMiJTDyiOHAeTOV9H3eYKUVNJ9UO1OSOmtfx-OJHTB17WWqdGCbipiVYvVSRmnaUj6UGuyj/s1600/88-talking-behind-your-back.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2RghAyfGpZkDE994qqKkwv5EXLBFlR4VF101KZ8lsggREE1mF3b2IUX7vcJhXxPdvhp_HJYMiJTDyiOHAeTOV9H3eYKUVNJ9UO1OSOmtfx-OJHTB17WWqdGCbipiVYvVSRmnaUj6UGuyj/s400/88-talking-behind-your-back.jpg" /></a><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">Yesterday Maxine
called and woke me up. Mom's screaming "get me out of here!" and Max
found an apartment but Mom started the "I can't afford that" routine.</span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">Sigh... part of me
wants Mom over here and part of me doesn't. She would be on the phone to me
CONSTANTLY and I can't do that while I'm at the shop- we don't have call
waiting. Sigh... I would definitely lose my freedom.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;"><later></later></span></i><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;"> I got everything on my list
done. I checked out apartments at Madison Park down the street and they have
two one bedroom apartments that are handicap accessible (sic). But when I
called Mom, she started in with the "I can't afford that, I'm scared, I
don't want to move in the winter, waa waa waa..." Sigh... I asked her
"WHERE will you TRULY be happy?" She didn't have an answer. Because
she won't be happy anywhere. Oy!!</span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
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<b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;"> </span></b><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">****************************** </span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
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<br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">March 1,
2012 </span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">I need free long
distance on weekends. Mom keeps me on for HOURS. I didn't talk to her Sunday
because I was at camp. Felt so good to not have to listen to her.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">
<b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;"> March 21,
2012 </span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">I feel like going out
for a walk, even in the dreadful weather. I can hear mother screaming,
though, "You'll DIE!! You'll DROWN!! Oh, woe is me, don't
go OUT, something could HAPPEN!" Oy.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">March 30,
2012 </span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">I leave tomorrow for
Moses. I haven't told Mom so I can take my time driving over. Coming home I
will have to "HURRY so I don't worry so long!!!" Sheesh. She has
no fucking clue how much that stresses me out.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">May 22, 2012 </span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">On a happy note, I
DID walk 2 miles yesterday... the last half mile I did in the pouring rain and
the entire time I heard my mother's voice SCREACHING "you'll catch your
death of NEW-MOAN-YA!! Get in the house before you MELT!"</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibt-FxoWC5mnFXhYmHpnus1_bM2pUg2_juhpScqDp-sjplq9falr8gBPm0Ui-0T5U0pkPUHb9KLrwI3iuLBk-51actK22xFgYNJ02LO4Yal9l1BCmM_llYTJ-RjoBAXztjk4331BA7NWIf/s1600/Stealth.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="431" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibt-FxoWC5mnFXhYmHpnus1_bM2pUg2_juhpScqDp-sjplq9falr8gBPm0Ui-0T5U0pkPUHb9KLrwI3iuLBk-51actK22xFgYNJ02LO4Yal9l1BCmM_llYTJ-RjoBAXztjk4331BA7NWIf/w431-h431/Stealth.jpg" width="431" /></a></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">September 15, 2012</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;"><br />
</span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">Mom called all a dither because
they raised her rent to $680. So she got it up her ass that she was going to
move. She found a lovely 2 bedroom with a washer and dryer for $750. She did
the $38 credit check, put down a deposit and</span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;"> then found</span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;"> out that her rent only went to $608, NOT $680!</span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;"><br />
</span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">BUT Maxine went ahead and told
the apartment manager that Mom wanted the apartment, so now Mom HAS to move
or forfeit the deposit. </span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">ARGH!! And now Mom is
whining that she doesn't WANT to move. She has crammed so much stuff into those
two walk in closets you can no longer walk in.
And even though the new place has a washer and dryer, she'll still
find SOMETHING to bitch about because that’s how she wants to live.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">September 16, 2012</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">So, I'm in Moses. Mom
and I are going to the apt. complex and see if we can get her deposit back then
re-up her lease here. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">September 17, 2012</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">Mission</span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;"> accomplished. We got Mom's money back and canceled the
apartment. I played the Power of Attorney card and there ya go. <br />
Sigh... Mom's really going downhill, though. She stumbles a lot. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAzJVEpN8NV9QyqIkIFSEMLEsly2e8w7QntYm2bHXf_-UFrCxSkMdGHRkZlzJQii8_h4yfGfoJEDohVgCcDNomuymhAHXTcmeJVkMw7sZSb_mFrotnmP1gp2RCF1QTDb5IJcF6a-fkXar5/s1600/GuiltTrip2.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="485" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAzJVEpN8NV9QyqIkIFSEMLEsly2e8w7QntYm2bHXf_-UFrCxSkMdGHRkZlzJQii8_h4yfGfoJEDohVgCcDNomuymhAHXTcmeJVkMw7sZSb_mFrotnmP1gp2RCF1QTDb5IJcF6a-fkXar5/w485-h485/GuiltTrip2.jpg" width="485" /></a></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">September 19, 2012</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">Mom thinks that since
I work for myself, I can just up and close whenever I want. Oy.<br />
She says she doesn't want to be in on the gossip at
the apartment complex yet she can't keep her fucking mouth shut.
And she pisses and moans that Max can't keep HER mouth shut! Argh!</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">She started in on me
about walking around barefoot! She has become so picky yet bitches about
how picky Aunt Kathy is. And such a germaphobe! OMG!</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">December 3, 2012</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">Uncle Ken has
dementia, Aunt Kathy is showing signs of it and Mom complains about Aunt Kathy
and Anita calling repeatedly and telling her the same stories over and over
again. Yet Mom tells the same stories over and over, too. Sigh...</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">--------------</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">Hindsight being
20/20, I can look at the whole “Maxine forced her to put down a deposit”
situation from a different perspective. I suspect that MARY is the one that got
her panties in a bunch about the rent, put down the deposit and then when she
found out SHE had made the mistake about rent, SHE blamed MAXINE.<br />
I had to drop everything, including a job interview, to drive over and take her
to the apartment complex to see about getting her deposit back. She told me to
take in the Power of Attorney paperwork and she would invoke it so she could
get her money back. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;"><br />
By this time, Martin and I had had our business up and running for 9 months. It
wasn’t generating enough income for us to live off of, so I was trying to find
another nanny job. I didn’t write entries about the interviews or what my
mother would pull- She would ask me about upcoming interviews and what the date
was so she could write them down on her calendar so she could "pray" for me.
Sounds sweet and loving, doesn’t it? <br />
What she would do, though, was to create a crisis that I would have to cancel
the interview, drive over, put out the fire then when I would try to leave, she’s
pout, “Well, I thought that since you’re over here, you could STAAAAY for a few
days. But if you have to leave, I UNDERSTAND…”<br />
DING, DING, DING*** GUILT TRIP!!!</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">This happened a few
times before I finally caught on. When she’d ask about job interviews, I’d tell
her, “nothing right now” and change the subject.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmdiie9Hq5SSELT0ooYfMOcM65gZZ7g6mNCkmzvqasKSb8q9xmu6j_tl10zphspE4xaDeWmWhFmaT-iiiOysGl-W0G4XoaLoZ7ltwaqNJxJ6gIjdkR_8EIinClnl25lCWainyKNd-yW_98/s1600/GuiltTrip.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="388" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmdiie9Hq5SSELT0ooYfMOcM65gZZ7g6mNCkmzvqasKSb8q9xmu6j_tl10zphspE4xaDeWmWhFmaT-iiiOysGl-W0G4XoaLoZ7ltwaqNJxJ6gIjdkR_8EIinClnl25lCWainyKNd-yW_98/w517-h388/GuiltTrip.jpg" width="517" /></a></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span>Goofiernuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15105779598281452926noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1464273116724604199.post-11859268252997349662016-06-18T09:34:00.001-07:002021-09-18T13:37:10.079-07:002010/2011- Death and motocycles<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;"> </span></b><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">****************************** </span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">*WARNING*<br />I am using software to track who reads this blog.<br />******************************</span></b><br /></span>
</div><span style="font-size: large;">
<br />
</span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRyTny1yGDWMd5ZmOxEmq2LOfwTkigmibPsL4geJ14M3wzd-VhmQoe-tX6HtWgBUMLUAJwF73z1BjJri5ei0uJ_eskVrzbYoEdHxCxNfQhNNYRdeR_sDbEBlcL2t3HkwtE1Trzdg9PGkka/s1600/CreateStorm.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="430" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRyTny1yGDWMd5ZmOxEmq2LOfwTkigmibPsL4geJ14M3wzd-VhmQoe-tX6HtWgBUMLUAJwF73z1BjJri5ei0uJ_eskVrzbYoEdHxCxNfQhNNYRdeR_sDbEBlcL2t3HkwtE1Trzdg9PGkka/w430-h430/CreateStorm.jpg" width="430" /></a></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
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<br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">March 4,
2010 </span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">Mom is NOT HAPPY.
She's saying she wants her house back. Ugh. That is NOT going to happen. She
won't be happy over here, either, but at least she would be closer and I won't
have to take DAYS off to help her. About the only place to put her is at
Vintage and she will piss and moan about not having her own washer and dryer.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">October 25th 2010 </span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Martin and I bought
motorcycles. We enjoyed the motorcycle class so much that we decided to get
bikes. I haven't told Mom because I know she would totally freak. It’s bad
enough that she worries herself sick over Becky. There is nothing she can do,
yet she still goes into fits.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">--------------</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">My niece Becky had
brain cancer. She had surgery, chemo and radiation, but it came back. There was
nothing more doctors could do for her.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">--------------</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEip8-B3hmQKnQaDGW3Jy_CXEdQyWUQhxgQ-NbvNxuIn04AUtnoaXgZGpjljQPn2CovVLDYRHGjn4VvfIe_QuBd4lXC4X6BoZ855pvPcoshhm7VKtgtCQSteqEBUWbtxuWAr5E8qFnE9vAnA/s1600/tiptoe.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="364" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEip8-B3hmQKnQaDGW3Jy_CXEdQyWUQhxgQ-NbvNxuIn04AUtnoaXgZGpjljQPn2CovVLDYRHGjn4VvfIe_QuBd4lXC4X6BoZ855pvPcoshhm7VKtgtCQSteqEBUWbtxuWAr5E8qFnE9vAnA/w485-h364/tiptoe.jpg" width="485" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">February 10th 2011 </span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">I have to be on the
phone at 2 p.m. today to deal with mom’s paperwork. I should have kept her in
the house. I could have seen about getting a new furnace installed and a new
washer and dryer. She still would be bitching about the lawn and Fran and
Ramona. I don't know how she does it. Seems like all the negativity finds her
and settles in for a good long stay. I've learned something though; like
fucking shit I'm going to live in a senior place!</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">November 28th 2011 </span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">I told Mom about the
motorcycle. She already knew from the way she acted, though she didn't know if
I had my own or rode with Martin. Whatever, now she knows.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">(Someone ratted me out
about the motorcycle. I KNEW she would throw a fit about it.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">After I told her yes, I
have a motorcycle, she bitched me out about it for three hours. It wasn't just ONE bitching out,
though. Oh, no. It was a reoccurring bitch-out. And her favorite thing to say
was, <b>“If you crash and die, who’s going to take care of
MEEEEEEE??????!!!!!!!”</b> </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">She could care less if
I died!! She was more interested in herself and her well-being. <br />Note- I'm FORTY ONE YEARS OLD at this point, and mommy dearest is chewing my out for living my life.)</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPdWmQFXpdM6XV8bp65OxvxprX4H5Oah6WgwXQPgOsuZnTKXi5MIpK3kTkSKpoqBpt5J8MKkDcqShPW_aNiERriGvj6qlNecwzFdoaHlJdxXeC56pCtBpr1F8s7AjQ0DAUEgPsz_fFnCyf/s1600/MeAndBeau.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPdWmQFXpdM6XV8bp65OxvxprX4H5Oah6WgwXQPgOsuZnTKXi5MIpK3kTkSKpoqBpt5J8MKkDcqShPW_aNiERriGvj6qlNecwzFdoaHlJdxXeC56pCtBpr1F8s7AjQ0DAUEgPsz_fFnCyf/s400/MeAndBeau.jpg" width="400" /></a></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;"> (On a happy note- this was one of the BEST decisions I've ever made in my life!!!)</span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span>Goofiernuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15105779598281452926noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1464273116724604199.post-91437956213289981602016-06-18T09:20:00.001-07:002021-09-18T13:35:04.764-07:002009- Moving the Nmother<span style="font-size: large;"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;"> </span></b><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">****************************** </span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">*WARNING*<br />I am using software to track who reads this blog.<br />******************************</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
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<br />
</span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHFhhFu6KiLbjUPv80xCUuEI9lOXk5hgr-78zohiXpMl-M0tOS4F0lwKf7Lta2vEUyjdRR8L6M8gRgzwnOraIGG7PCEj5w6gWSQfsLvZsnlbrr7PpZ3HCKyGelUgewSeKRJuW6zrvNhVg-/s1600/affirmationfordaughters.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="416" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHFhhFu6KiLbjUPv80xCUuEI9lOXk5hgr-78zohiXpMl-M0tOS4F0lwKf7Lta2vEUyjdRR8L6M8gRgzwnOraIGG7PCEj5w6gWSQfsLvZsnlbrr7PpZ3HCKyGelUgewSeKRJuW6zrvNhVg-/w416-h416/affirmationfordaughters.jpg" width="416" /></a></span></div><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">April 1, 2009</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;"><br />
Yes Virginia, there IS a Hell... Othello. Nothing to do and a mother who drives
me up the wall. I am going to try my hardest to not EVER turn into my mother.
She is paranoid, impatient, rude, prejudiced, hypocritical and a
bigot. Sigh... I'm trying my hardest to be patient with her, really, I am. It's
tough, though. She is so insecure, and she blows up too quickly, she's so
negative about everything... it's TOUGH to stay positive when you're around it
constantly. She thinks that she's the most important thing to you and that you
should drop everything and pay attention to her RIGHT NOW.<br />
I had to leave the room because she kept talking while I was reading my school
work. ... And she would be pissed if Kelsie and I left to go to a movie or
something.</span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">October 5, 2009</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Got here to Mom's about
8:30 last night. Worked our butts off today. Had a realtor come and Mom signed
to put the house on the market. Then after we ate dinner, we dug out about half
of the spare room.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">--------------------</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">Memory Flashback:</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;"><br />
I didn’t want her to sell the house. It was a good house, new roof, new windows…
it needed a paint job again, either that or new siding, and it definitely could
have used a new furnace and hot water heater. It could have had central air put
in at the same time as the furnace. <br />
But her argument was the yard work and cleaning the place and that every time I
came to “visit”, I wound up fixing something. I didn’t MIND that. That’s what
Dad taught me to do. <br />
Maxine is the one that lined up the realtor. </span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">--------------------</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
</div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">Oct 6, 2009</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Mom signed up for the
senior apartment but now she is whining and crying, “I can't do this!” So hope
I'm not like this at this age. I will make arrangements if and when I can.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Now Anita is claiming
the woman who's in charge of her financial is embezzling her money.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Max is all pissed off
because we didn't get to have lunch with the bunch. Mom and I were dropping,
but we decided to stop at Sheri's to eat a quiet lunch. Guess who walked in? Marta’s
hubby, Erich. Sigh… so we high tailed it out of there. We give control to Max
when we do that. I am so tired of tucking my tail between my legs and walking
on eggshells around Maxine. She does not run my life. But mom is so scared of
how Max will treat her.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">I am sick of what if
questions! “What if the house doesn't sell?” “What if I need groceries?” “What
if I need a ride?” WHAT IF??? Mom is making herself sick with these “what if”
questions.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Mom SAYS she doesn't
want someone at her beck and call. Yes she does! Shit, if I were closer, I
wouldn't even get to sleep. She would be at me at me at me at all times! She’s
been on the receiving end of that, she says she understands yet she does the
exact same thing.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5kkOfSY35H_KicujUlPPsI30eMrS1Ql7NBWVy6Yf7-sq0jFbq1AFbJd3352gcRnxsoZvOYjVI59ZYVudRqhYnx2u71-6hTHMXYkD6KAps-FqOUaPxJaDDSw7Vny7a5pY8C_gmDgwhV_x3/s1600/thinkaboutme_400w.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="355" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5kkOfSY35H_KicujUlPPsI30eMrS1Ql7NBWVy6Yf7-sq0jFbq1AFbJd3352gcRnxsoZvOYjVI59ZYVudRqhYnx2u71-6hTHMXYkD6KAps-FqOUaPxJaDDSw7Vny7a5pY8C_gmDgwhV_x3/w412-h355/thinkaboutme_400w.jpg" width="412" /></a><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">Now if I can just
figure out how to be here <u>and</u> at home. Sigh… <br />
I may have to give up the Christmas show. </span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">I'm going to check with
unemployment to see if not looking for a job for 2 weeks would go against me. I
wouldn't be able to claim unemployment. I realize that, but will it somehow put
me on a shit list?</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">
<b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;"> October 12,
2009</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">I'm tired of Mom
constantly whining.<br />
Sigh…I backed out of the Christmas show. And if I don’t claim, I will have to
reopen it when I get back to town.<br />
Sigh... being around Mom for a couple weeks is really going to hurt me. I got
home last week with such a negative aura. And if she realizes what she's doing,
she doesn't give a shit.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">Now, if she would
just take the next few weeks and dig out… but she won't. She’ll sit in her
chair and wine and piss and moan instead of getting up and doing something
about it. Thank you Lord that I'm not made that way! I honestly don't know how
my Dad lived with her all those years. 'Course she wasn't as bad as she is
now. She’s a complete Basket Case now. She’s going to be pestering the
heck out of the maintenance guy or Sheri downstairs or Chelsea the beautician<br />
Still kinda bitter about the Christmas show. She doesn't know what I'm giving
up for her. And would she even care if she DID know. Or would she
play the martyr to counter it. Urgh. I realized something about her: when
she turns her mouth on, her brain shuts off. She was telling me not
to tell the realtor about certain things about the house and what did she
do? BLAB BLAB BLAB BLAB!!!</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">October 2009</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">- My mother got another email from my
half-brother, Bob:------<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
</span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">Mom,</span></span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
<span><span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif">
</span></span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
<span><span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif">
</span></span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">
<span><span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;"> I am writing to let you know how sorry I am
that I have stayed away, and why.</span></span></span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
<span><span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif">
</span></span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">
<span><span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;"> All my life I have tried to understand our
family. I never will. I have always tried to be a good influence and tried to
get everybody to just get along. I was always there to try to help when I could
and even got slandered when I tried to help on <sic> occassion.</sic></span></span></span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
<span><span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif">
</span></span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">
<span><span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;"> I respected Bill, even named a son for him,
got to be there for him when his mom died. I was very hurt when nobody would
tell me he passed, or kept me updated on how he was doing before that.</span></span></span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
<span><span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif">
</span></span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">
<span><span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;"> I have been through alot in the last few
years. Burned out from being a workaholic. Stress over my marriage and divorce.
Having been robbed of all my money and most of my dignity and pride by mortgage
fraud. Even been ran over by a car and met someone new that is special. I am
only now finally starting to recover from all these things. I have been through
so many things that I have never talked about, and I felt no one wanted to
hear.</span></span></span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
<span><span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif">
</span></span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">
<span><span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;"> Realize that I feel sorry for staying away,
but have had to, as to not cause conflict or to add more fuel to the gossip
circle that defines our family. I guess I gave up. Everyone else is in a
different world than mine. I don't understand why everyone has to bad mouth
each other or be selfish and mean or double standard or resist logic, science,
and proven knowledge. I have no control, no influence and no real part of any
of my own families lives, and the same applies in reverse.</span></span></span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
<span><span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif">
</span></span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">
<span><span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;"> That makes me sad. I want you to know that I
do know life is hard, for everybody. I do not blame you or anyone else for my
actions or the way I am. Bill and you did the best that you knew how, and I
thank you both for instilling within me a strong sense of moral charactor and
wanting to be the best man I could be.</span></span></span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
<span><span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif">
</span></span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">
<span><span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;"> The reason for this letter is to say thank
you for doing the best you could. I didn't turn out that bad. I would really
like to visit you sometime. I am having difficult times due to the economy and
also have stayed away because I am broke. Not like the old days. I am starting
over from scratch. I will contact you again, as soon as I can afford to travel.
I want you to know that I thank you for all you have ever done for me, and I
owe you and do really love you. Sorry I missed Mothers Day. I just got a
computer again and don't know how to use it yet.</span></span></span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
<span><span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif">
</span></span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">Bob</span></span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">--------</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">Again, he paints a
sad story of his life. <br />
Poor Bob.<br />Also, notice how this letter has different formatting? He actually spells things correctly and uses punctuation instead of run on sentences. <br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">--------------------------------------------</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">Nov 2, 2009</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">Max is already mad at
us, so she's going to be a stinker for the rest of whatever. She needs to grow
up. Got the lease signed, yay, got 3 boxes of stuff already moved in, yay, got stuff
purchased what was needed, yay! </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">Max showed up <at apartment="" the=""> to take measurements and was told no, she couldn't go in. That's
why she's pissed at us. Oh, well. Mom is afraid that Max will treat her like
shit now. Mom thinks she needs Max, Max knows that's what Mom thinks and is
going to milk it for what it's worth. And Max needs to get over the “eye for an
eye, tooth for tooth” attitude.</at></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;"><br />
<b>November 3, 2009</b><br />
This has got to be the longest night on earth. I can’t sleep. I’m too sneezy
and stuffy. I’m coughing and I can’t get my brain to shut off.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">Doesn’t help that I
realized I forgot to pay mortgage before I left home. Grrr. And for the life of
me, who am I going to get to help move the big pieces of furniture?</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">I love my mom, but I
can't help but feel that her attitude is part of the reason she doesn't have
many friends. We went shopping and I had to put up with the heavy sighing and
"uhhh"ing the entire time. It was like shopping with a teenager.
Grrrr! I'm having to write by my little flashlight and to keep it on you have
to hold the button constantly. It sucks that there’s no lamp or anything. And if
I turn on the light, she will start hollering "are you okay???"</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">I had to hunt for a
fan for white noise because she fell asleep with her TV up LOUD. Then the fan
kicked up dust, which made me cough and snort… yeah, hasn’t been a wonderful
night. I can’t even get online or go out of the room without her bugging me. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
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</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;"> </span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">December 28,
2009 </span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">I am finally sitting
down to update this thing. Mom has settled into her apartment. She says that
overall she likes it. It stays about 70 degrees in there without the heat on. </span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">She still has the habit of wrapping things in
grocery bags and stuffing them wherever, then gets pissed because she can't
find it. Sigh...</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">I went over the first
Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday of December to be with Mom to sign paperwork, get
the check and hand the keys over to the new owner.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">---------------------</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">On December 9, 2009, my mother was handed a check for $107,000. She had me take her to the bank where she deposited it. Right after depositing it, she INSISTED that they put me as primary account holder. She wanted the statements to come to me as well as the 1099 forms. For the next 5 years, I would claim all interest from this account on my income taxes. At the time, I couldn't figure out WHY she wanted me as primary. All she would say was she wanted to make it harder for Maxine, Bob and Anita to get to the money. </span><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">And, once again, work was
involved and not one of the relatives showed up to help. I found help to move
her adjustable bed, which weighed about a thousand pounds, but other than that,
I moved that woman’s stuff out of her house and into the truck by myself. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">When we got to the
apartment, some people from the Church of Christ were there, waiting to help
unload. Thank goodness. By that time, I was about to drop from exhaustion. I
thanked them over and over again for their help. </span><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span>Goofiernuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15105779598281452926noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1464273116724604199.post-68593470579412572942016-06-17T13:19:00.002-07:002021-09-18T13:30:54.265-07:002008- Creating Storms and a letter from the Nhalf-brother<span style="font-size: large;"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;"> </span></b><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">****************************** </span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">*WARNING*<br />I am using software to track who reads this blog.<br />******************************</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
<br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">September 9, 2008</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">She wants to move
over here. Sigh... I won't be free. She'll have me over every day if she can
manage it. And I will fall into the negativity and drown. Sigh... I want her
closer so I can help her. But not so close that she will take over my time.
Sigh... Not sure what to do.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;"><br />
<b>September 29, 2008</b><br />
Went with Mom to the RA doctor. Her SED rate is 12- yay. He left her on the 5mg
of Prednisone and won't try her on anything else until February. Dr. Bunch
prescribed her some anxiety meds, but she hasn't taken any. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFueS8otNxK102e3AuLsZPnAL6nyR7lhDlsQ7_H3Lte6z2iAN1KgZ1heUceuXLXTa8DuY3sN7VUrdSJngBRr7aX1cgS3Mj3AnQjVvu8UIELiwR9AkmkIYcb1TLJ0aPtb-YQBXbVpHThS44/s1600/createStorm2.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="311" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFueS8otNxK102e3AuLsZPnAL6nyR7lhDlsQ7_H3Lte6z2iAN1KgZ1heUceuXLXTa8DuY3sN7VUrdSJngBRr7aX1cgS3Mj3AnQjVvu8UIELiwR9AkmkIYcb1TLJ0aPtb-YQBXbVpHThS44/w441-h311/createStorm2.jpg" width="441" /></a></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
<b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;"> </span></b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;"> October 21,
2008</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;"><br />
I called Mom this morning to help her with her phone bill. She called last
month to ask why her bill kept fluctuating, they sent her to loyalty. The guy
told her he would giver her two months free. She didn't understand that that
also meant an upgrade in service. She keeps flying off the handle and NOT
LISTENING then gets everything muddled. THEN wonders why people don't want to
talk to her. Hmm... sounds like it's the
"me" factor. They're too busy talking, they've turned off the ears
and don't take in information. And they're so self centered, they think
that what THEY are saying is way more important than what anyone else is saying.</span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">
<b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;"> October 27,
2008</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Mom forwarded an email
from Bob. (Rolling eyes) Poor Bob, so many bad things have happened to him, waa
waa. Oy! Give me a break! We all have trials and tribulations, we all have bad
stuff happen to us no. No one’s life is a rose garden. Dawn thinks he's
narcissistic. It rather sounds like it. Anyhow, he says he can't stand the
constant bickering and stuff, so he's staying away. Okay. I sure won't miss him.
He was never around in the first place.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Anita’s in an
assisted-living type place in Moses
Lake. Guess she's pretty
bad. Either that or she's gotten really good at acting. I don't know- I'm not
there</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">Called Mom yesterday.
She was crying about everything and everyone. Yeesh. I don't know how she would
do over here. She would use the same excuses about getting out... no fun! She
doesn't understand how I can be involved in theater instead of centering my
life on Martin and Kelsie. I would go NUTS! </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">(Bob’s email) (I left
in all typos, run on sentences and misspelled words)-----------------------------------<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: arial;"><span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">I am sorry, but I have not wanted to stay in contact. I saddens me
deeply that our family is so childishly retarded and dysfunctional. I was glad
to give Bill a ride in comfort to the Hospital, one of many ways I tried to
show him respect. I meant no disrespect to him when discussing his smoking and
work habits. We do know a lot about health issues and it has not been
totally by accident that we have been so healthy. Unfortunately my
siblings who treated me like an unintelligent moron that day, made me decide I
can not reason with unreasonable people. Therefore I quit trying. All of you
know that most my life I was the one trying to get everyone to live and let
live, quit judging and fighting and just get along. I felt that there was a
certain amount of resentment towards me that I did not deserve and rather than
try to discuss it I would rather let it go. I left no doubt in any
ones eyes that I could not have been kissing ass in order to look good for the
sake of climbing the inheritance ladder. I could not say the same for
others. I have never asked for anything but for us to all get along.
Everybody else has their hands out and treat me like I'm lucky to have what I
have. Luck had nothing to do with that. I have worked hard and have proven my
intelligence in some business matters. Regardless, life is hard enough
without dealing with sibling rivalry. I threw in the towel, and I am sure they
are happy about that. I have never had a greedy bone in my body and what I
do is not dictated by, what's in it for me. I can not change anyone or their beliefs
and it is sad. Closed minded people are why the world is so screwed up.
Maxine can pretend to be so pure and holy, but the fact is she is a hypocrite.
All religions teach the same morals!! If everyone followed their own
religious teachings then war would become impossible. All teach to
not judge, then judge each other to be wrong! AH! Idiots! I will not pick a
religion because I do not judge, it is against my own religion. However if
anybody's God shows up I'll join them. I will never understand what
went wrong with Anita. Enough said. Now as far as Heidi and Martin, dee da dee!
They disrespected Hollie and I the most. We honestly tried to help them and
they treated us like we were trying to screw them over. RETARDS!!!! We did not
know he had a daddy that took care of them. they would not have shit if it
wasn't for hand outs. I have sometimes wanted to see them just so I could show
them the check for $45000. that we pocketed when we sold that house two Mays
ago. That would have been theirs if they had not distrusted us! I
really should thank them. I am sure they are counting on inheritance
from you too. Then there is you. I am still shocked that, to this day, you
have never told me that Bill passed away. That I was not worthy of even
knowing or having a chance to say goodbye. My siblings didn't think so either
apparently. Now when Ben passed away and no body told me, I was not
surprised. I am sure Anita was there with hands out. I could go on and on
but won't. I am not without faults, but greed selfishness and retardation is
not among them. I do not know what to say except, WHY? But that would require
an answer. It doesn't matter, it's over. I do not wish bad on any of the family
and regret hearing about Rebekah. I hope the best for her. I cannot change the past
but I refuse to get involved in future childishness behavior that I am sure is
going on as we speak.</span></span></div><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: arial;">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">So explain why nobody felt I deserved to know Bill passed. You
can't say that nobody could reach me, because I know nobody tried.
There were so many ways that I could have been contacted. I tried to be there
as much as I could for Bill when he needed me. Would have been there more had
he asked. For God's sake, I named a son after him, I was there for him
when his mom passed, and When I drove him to Spokane I really thought it was the last
drive he would ever take and wanted him to be comfortable. Yea, I really must
have hated him. I am sorry that I could not take it anymore at the hospital. It
was mainly due to I hate sitting around, but secondly I could not take the
retarded conversations. I thought people were supposed to get smarter as they
age. I am not the smartest man in the world but I have learned so much as I
have gotten older. I have learned there are a lot of retards. I don't just make
shit up. A couple months ago I even doubted my own intelligence so I got online
and took a few IQ tests. Thankfully I found my scores were up from ten years
ago. I even scored a 140 on one test. There is no shame in being a little slow
but Damn it pisses me off when people make shit up or just repeat crap they
have heard, but don't even verify it. Oh yea, that includes
gossip. Or like when Heidi and Martin believed a FREE bank appraisal
result (you get what you pay for) that said our property was worth $2000.
less than pay off. They are so stupid, not only did they think we were trying
to rob them, they didn't even think, that is a small price for a down
payment. Especially since it was daddy's money. But the fact is we tried to
tell them a REAL appraisal COSTS MONEY! $400 to $500 back then. Oh and it
is based on comparable properties that have sold in your area
recently. It changes all the time .They didn't believe us and screwed
themselves out of a butt load of money and made us out to bad! Screw them. And
when Heidi and Maxine started telling me how a smokers lungs look, I told them
the truth! Not all smokers lungs look that way! Some look no different than a
non smokers. I don't make shit up! If it is hearsay, I will mention it is only
what I've heard. I said nothing disrespectful when I said Bill did not
work PHYSICALLY hard!!!! I know what is like to sweat spit and swear! To
empty entire concrete trucks one shovel at a time. Jack hammers, sledge
hammers, picks and iron bars. to sweat so damn much you don't even piss all day
even though you drank gallons of water! What do any of you know about that? I
have sweated more than all of you put together! I was saying he didn't do that,
nothing more! If any of you ever would have listened to what I said you would
understand how the harder you breath the more you clean your lungs! I loved
Bill but I am sorry, he was not a physical guy. He didn't work out, play
sports, hike or do anything aerobic to clear his lungs and exercise his heart.
That is the truth and I got slammed for that? Oh yea, the rest of you haven't
either. That could explain a lot of all your health issues. Maybe that's why I
got pissed when Maxine tells me I am lucky I have been so healthy. It is not
all luck! Life style plays a big part of health. If you don't work
physically work hard you had better count calories!!!! Food makes you fat. And
yes, obesity can make your thyroid act up!!!! But no matter how bad your
thyroid is, if you have no food.........you can't get fat! Or when I
heard Heidi blaming her asthma on Bills smoking. Boo Hoo, Why didn't the
rest of us kids have asthma? You and Bill both smoked when we were young. Wait,
it isn't hard to figure this out. Genetics, yep, different dad. Wow that was
hard. His smoking may have aggravated her asthma but it certainly
did not cause it! His genes did. I really am sorry, but when nobody
understood simple logic, then they turned on me. What could I do? You
can't reason with unreasonable people. I do not find joy in making fun of
tards. I actually very much enjoy helping people, sharing whatever
knowledge I have acquired. But when you run into a brick wall, turn away. They
do not want to know. I have watched our family fight and squabble over the
dumbest shit for 50 years. I refuse to be a part of it. I know I am different
than most. Not better! but definitely different. I wish I could save the world.
But people just like my family makes it impossible. Blinders on, believe
whatever hog wash they hear. Selfish and greedy, holier than thoa.
Wouldn't recognize the truth even if it hit them in the face. Again, I am sorry
I did not want to waste any more of my breath trying to change the
unchangeable. So I left. Knowing I was the one being ridiculed, I'm the one
being called names, all in order for them to make themselves look better in
your eyes, and make themselves more important. Oh yea, and to narrow the
future competition for whatever they can get when you finally go. That disgusts
me. I found it easier to let it go and leave no question about my motives.
I do not want anything you have. The only thing I have ever wanted was for our
family to be friends and love each other. I know it will never be. I know you
love them and I did not want to tell you how I feel. I really don't hate them
and wish them well, but I can't and won't deal with
their childish,selfish, immature, illogical and condescending ways. I
would tell them to their face but they won't show it. They are glad I am out of
the running. The sad part is I know you do not have much, but it is more than
they have and they think I don't need any, after all I am lucky and rich. I
will always regret not getting to talk to Bill again, but I did not want to
disturb him with how I felt. I waited to see if anyone would let me know how he
was doing, and most certainly thought if he was on his way out someone would
have the decency to let me know. I was wrong. The last couple years have
been the hardest in my life for many reasons. I will not go into all of the
details but I have to say, if this is as good as it gets, then I'm ready
to go. If it were not for Hollie I would be living in a cave far away
where nobody could ever find me. I do not like hurting anyone, so I
was trying to just let it go quietly. But I felt you deserve to know how I
really feel......the others don't give a shit how I feel or they would have
apologized long ago. I have never done any of them wrong and the only things I
have ever said, I would say to their face. Oh yea, that's why they don't like
me. But they have manners, they only talk behind peoples
back. </span></span><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
</div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">------------------------------------------------------</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHdR16V43PxZ__hbVYXQAjXiHGko47xmzSMiTVoEuH4NeJ2_AIHefMOg1gB7C25aS_dVaeLyOeaMXO7a5_cKCV7FvNfaEV3dZUbwC1o7-utpp0pibixe4aRJuqIJFy3ufkrnH3s3bxMmdZ/s1600/ExtremeNarc.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="339" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHdR16V43PxZ__hbVYXQAjXiHGko47xmzSMiTVoEuH4NeJ2_AIHefMOg1gB7C25aS_dVaeLyOeaMXO7a5_cKCV7FvNfaEV3dZUbwC1o7-utpp0pibixe4aRJuqIJFy3ufkrnH3s3bxMmdZ/w452-h339/ExtremeNarc.jpg" width="452" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><b><i><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;"> </span></i></b></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><b><i><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">"</span></i></b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;"><span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" lang="EN-US" style="color: black;"><b><i> I said nothing disrespectful when I said Bill did not work PHYSICALLY hard!!!! I know what is like to sweat spit and swear! To
empty entire concrete trucks one shovel at a time. Jack hammers, sledge
hammers, picks and iron bars. to sweat so damn much you don't even piss all day
even though you drank gallons of water!<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif""> "</span></i></b></span></span></span><br />
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;"><span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" lang="EN-US" style="color: black;"> </span></span><br /></span>
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">Of his entire letter, THIS is the part that pisses me off the most. My father DID TO work physically hard. He climbed poles, he dug ditches, he worked hard EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. He would come home bone tired, but happy. Happy he worked another day to keep a roof over our heads and food in our bellies.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">Bob is a narcissist,
too.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">Wait, it’ll crop up
again later in my story.</span><span style="font-size: large;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">Also, DAD didn't want bob, maxine or anita at his bedside when he was dying. I was following HIS wishes.<br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCjEcABsuRGOGvibvcEzGcrkYIfG8zWNL9uMaRsCTRv-pp8MBwdtpdyRqj9gb87tKKzuur4B3NDC3Pm4G4QSVCfykqM0Ak9rdhAsoJVVvgmiHRSonnZr-u3WatZMZoG9vH-ZwqRrV3Q0Jq/s1600/NarcTraitsMale.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="463" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCjEcABsuRGOGvibvcEzGcrkYIfG8zWNL9uMaRsCTRv-pp8MBwdtpdyRqj9gb87tKKzuur4B3NDC3Pm4G4QSVCfykqM0Ak9rdhAsoJVVvgmiHRSonnZr-u3WatZMZoG9vH-ZwqRrV3Q0Jq/w492-h463/NarcTraitsMale.jpg" width="492" /></a></span></div>
</div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span>Goofiernuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15105779598281452926noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1464273116724604199.post-53499154877691705222016-06-17T12:59:00.001-07:002021-09-18T13:20:07.550-07:002007- Painting and Paranoia<span style="font-size: large;"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">****************************** </span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">*WARNING*<br />I am using software to track who reads this blog.<br />******************************</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">A</span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">fter Dad’s
memorial, I didn’t get back to Othello until April of 2007. My contact with her
was limited to phone calls.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">------------------------</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
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<b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;"> April 9,
2007</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">Yowza. What a week at
Mom’s. We went shopping. Went to the lawyer (Mom had the will changed- sigh…)
tore down the paneling in the dining room and living room and painted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
I also climbed up on the roof to inspect that guy’s work. I want to wring his
neck! He didn’t glue down the loose ones and he left nail heads exposed!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He also only used 28 shingles when Don said
he had used three packages. Uhmm!! NO!! I told mom to never call that guy again.
The fence needed mending but I would need another body to help move that
section. The gate needed fixed but I didn’t get a good look at it. And the
eastern slope of the roof needs to be redone completely. So much to do and NO
HELP!</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">Kelsie was bored
SOLID at Mom's. And of course when Kelsie asked to walk to the park, Mom was
all DOOM AND GLOOM on her. "You'll get killed or maimed or
kidnapped." Sigh... I don't remember Mom being that bad when I
was a kid. Somehow I think moving her over here will be a BAD thing. More
things to kill you. (Rolling eyes) Plus, she'd get ME so down; I
wouldn't want to go out of my house. Sigh...</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">---------------------------</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Memory flashback:<br />
She wanted the paneling torn down and the walls painted, “to freshen it up”.
Once again, at the mention of work, none of the other relatives showed up to
help.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">The same day the will
was changed, she also took my Dad’s name off both bank accounts and put mine as
secondary. Again, HER idea. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Photos:</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">My patch job: </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
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<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgN99BhZ3dOqEYBdFAGZ3etZ6Gchn2b55Sz0IQVore8gCKODLLHu1ffdiAXGDhQSrsrCdRJb-QIwUhAazNlc_XX5rASuBkbUkc94BUqd__yb45hWo9E5ZTueveTz8OYPOkzWtWaGWzWkLZY/s1600/IMG_2421.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgN99BhZ3dOqEYBdFAGZ3etZ6Gchn2b55Sz0IQVore8gCKODLLHu1ffdiAXGDhQSrsrCdRJb-QIwUhAazNlc_XX5rASuBkbUkc94BUqd__yb45hWo9E5ZTueveTz8OYPOkzWtWaGWzWkLZY/s400/IMG_2421.JPG" width="400" /></a></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;"> </span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">I even painted the ceiling. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBRoHUcMUcaETLCfANq2ebHzHMkDIuNGC83Xmq_hOeBXFYXcA7SKRhu0RsG17-WWrKRo1irEHRXDKSED3A0gRgfv32za42Vfq2YuOt07tfLNYceWQDiXdnFmAmwri1Zm9gLalWRos9DFv_/s1600/IMG_2432.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBRoHUcMUcaETLCfANq2ebHzHMkDIuNGC83Xmq_hOeBXFYXcA7SKRhu0RsG17-WWrKRo1irEHRXDKSED3A0gRgfv32za42Vfq2YuOt07tfLNYceWQDiXdnFmAmwri1Zm9gLalWRos9DFv_/s400/IMG_2432.JPG" width="400" /></a></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
</div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">---------------------------</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">April 10, 2007</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">I am feeling so
overwhelmed and cranky I feel like the whole weight of the world is on my
shoulders.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">Mom called last night
with a major crisis and a minor crisis. Both were taken care of with a phone
call each. Sigh...</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">April 30, 2007 </span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">My mom called
Thursday while I was at rehearsal. I'm going to Othello next Thursday on the
3rd to pick up mom then take her on to Wenatchee. She tried to find someone
else but everyone over there is just not dependable.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">---------------</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">Memory Flashback:</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">She had a doctor’s
appointment in Wenatchee, but none of the family members on that side of the
state could bother with taking her, so I had to drive across the state to get
her, take her to the doctor’s appointment, then back to Moses Lake.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">---------------</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">June 12, 2007</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">Mom wanted me to call
her. She's upset about Marta getting in to her medical file. So, Friday, we're
going to call the Privacy Officer to see what they have to say. If they don't
do anything, then we'll go to the attorney. Sigh... If it isn't one dang
thing...</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">
<b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;"> June 14,
2007</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYyNNnpEnsXukSPsTgd98qc-ZdqjtIe62b07D0OEdEN5in5IR803CuCk2WzPL5G-BfRcxM21KbKhQqQJirwmDAaXhScsnj6LSrSRD7ylWIC-UUQIRkNXe2QQvmMyvWyGphqcO-RRuQU7Kl/s1600/BehindBack.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="194" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYyNNnpEnsXukSPsTgd98qc-ZdqjtIe62b07D0OEdEN5in5IR803CuCk2WzPL5G-BfRcxM21KbKhQqQJirwmDAaXhScsnj6LSrSRD7ylWIC-UUQIRkNXe2QQvmMyvWyGphqcO-RRuQU7Kl/s320/BehindBack.jpg" width="320" /></a><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">Mom called me at
work, sobbing. She went ahead and called the Privacy Officer on Marta, but
didn't give Marta's name, just her own. They may have already figured out who's
been getting in to Mom's files.</span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">---------------</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">Memory Flashback</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">My niece, Marta,
worked in the clinic where my mother went. Marta had access to medical records.
Somehow my mother “caught” Marta looking in her medical records. I’m still not
quite sure what happened, if Marta was being snoopy or clicked on the wrong
button or what. I don’t know if she was reprimanded or put on probation… or if
it was some way of my mother “punishing” Marta for something. It may just have
been my mother starting some drama. Who knows? That’s what narcissists do.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">-----------------</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;"><br />
<b> August 8, 2007</b><br />
I was headed out the door at 9am to walk, but Mom called. Someone
prank called her pretty much all night. Yikes. It's a Yakima number, but it's a cell phone. So she
called Katherine to see if she knew if it was Tina's number, and of course I
had to wait til she called back... yawn. So there went my walk out the window.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;"><b>September 25, 2007</b><br />
Thursday-went with Mom to her appt.<br />
Friday- I did a whole bunch of "Honey-Do's"<br />
Saturday- I spent most of the day on the roof. Sigh... Mom needs a new roof.
The adhesive is failing. <br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">November 3, 2007</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;"><br />
I called Mom and kept spacing out on her. She goes on and on and over and over.
Ugh! Let it rest!</span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="border: medium none; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid windowtext .75pt; mso-padding-alt: 0in 0in 0in 0in; padding: 0in;"><span style="font-size: large;">
<b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;"> November 11, 2007</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;"><br />
She’s seeming to kind of lose her memory, too. She keeps asking questions that
we’ve </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="border: medium none; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid windowtext .75pt; mso-padding-alt: 0in 0in 0in 0in; padding: 0in;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">gone over several times before.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="border: medium none; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid windowtext .75pt; mso-padding-alt: 0in 0in 0in 0in; padding: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="border: medium none; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid windowtext .75pt; mso-padding-alt: 0in 0in 0in 0in; padding: 0in;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">--------------</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="border: medium none; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid windowtext .75pt; mso-padding-alt: 0in 0in 0in 0in; padding: 0in;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">I was beginning to see more paranoia and the mind games, as well as the
memory lapses, though I’m not sure if they were true lapses or if she had told
so many versions of the story that she didn’t recall which version she had told
me. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="border: medium none; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid windowtext .75pt; mso-padding-alt: 0in 0in 0in 0in; padding: 0in;">
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<b><span lang="EN-US"> </span></b><span lang="EN-US">Characteristics
of a narcissistic mother</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/characteristics-of-narcissistic-mothers.html">http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/characteristics-of-narcissistic-mothers.html</a> </span></div>
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</span>Goofiernuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15105779598281452926noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1464273116724604199.post-48344896533951333512016-06-16T09:11:00.003-07:002021-09-18T13:16:12.007-07:00The days after...<span style="font-size: large;"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">****************************** </span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
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</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">August 15th 2006 7:39 a.m</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">. </span></span>
</div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Here we go. It’s been
over 24 hours since he died. I woke up this morning to go to the bathroom and
looked up at the clock. My heart broke when I read the time; 4:40 exactly. 24
hours.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Okay, the room is
straightened and organized, my clothes are laid out on the bed since I don't
have a dresser, and I'm dressed to shoes, with my bed made. I'm ready to face
the day, whatever it may hold.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">August 16th 2006 12:36 a.m</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">. </span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Becky came over for a
chat without her mom and Marta knowing, and she's staying the night. We finally
got mom to let us go to bed. Mom is going to have it hard at night.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">11:41 p.m</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">. </span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">I haven't been
allowed to grieve for my Dad... Mom keeps pushing herself to the front
burner.<br />
She has irked me so much today. Doing the sharp intake when I'm
driving, not listening when I tell her my needs (my blood sugar dropped in
Walmart), being two faced and hypocritical as well as prejudiced and just
yammering on and on about things! </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">Last night as we were
getting ready for bed, she peeked out the window and just hit the ROOF! Someone
had parked a truck in front of the house on the street and it was about a foot
into the driveway plus there was someone in it. Mom started in, “They already
know he’s dead and they’re just gonna start (insert deed here) and I should
call the police!” I told her that she wouldn’t have a leg to stand on. “Well, I
can’t go to bed until they leave! Look at them sitting there staring in my
window!” Uhhh, mom, you are the one pulling the drape open, not them.
She stood in that window til they drove off.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">August 17, 2006</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">I called Soc. Sec.
and made sure everything was up to date. She starts yammering in my bad ear and
I'm trying to listen to two people, I forget to ask a question, hang up and she
starts RANTING! My gosh! I keep telling her, “If you yammer at me while I'm on
the phone, I can't hear you!” She said, "I know, I have the same
problem!” Then WHY doesn't she STOP DOING IT?!?!</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
</div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">August 18, 2006 12:50
a.m. </span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Maxine thinks that in mom's eyes I can do no wrong, but she has no idea.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">At 6:00pm I felt
myself start to drop. I asked Mom if I could test (she's going to let me have
Dad's tester... I hope!) and it came out 83... within normal but kinda low. So
I fixed dinner- chicken and potatoes with Mrs. Dash no salt stuff and onion
flakes. "I couldn't eat THAT ! I
like MY chicken PLAIN! That stuff ruins the flavor!" Whatever,
it's MY dinner, not yours.<br />
Okay, fast forward... we went through the fire safe and finally finished just
after midnight. I felt myself dropping again, so had a bowl of cereal. Mom
walks in and says, "I should eat, but I'd get a tummy ache." Told her
I felt myself dropping so decided to eat something. She smarted off,
"Well, I don't think it's smart to dash off and eat something every time
you feel that way!" When I pointed out to her that it had been 6 and a
half hours since my last meal... sigh... Explained that I usually eat
breakfast, 3 hours later a small snack, 3 more hours is lunch, small snack
again and then dinner. She said, "Well, they tell diabetics to do
that..." UH HUH! DING! </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">She wanted me to call
Uncle Tom in Texas to make sure they were not coming. she also wanted me to rip
him a new one about how Dad was treated when Dad was down there for his mom's
death. I told Mom that since I didn't witness Dad's distress and it would be
hearsay, it wasn't my place to start that particular war but that I would call
and make sure they're not coming.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">I wish mom wouldn't
rant like that</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiN43gxS6ku8jzNWojL6QateWqvvqrqcdRsD85oOO1gRy3gabYGFX6NTIRBnrWJaiMpgo8_h-FaruGs1IIYY3rC2v9PKVpHhX5zsRmRIkmNZpJW1WrOmUGOEQItqSoklu3eQn5IAobJj1l5/s1600/EditedHeadstones.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="455" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiN43gxS6ku8jzNWojL6QateWqvvqrqcdRsD85oOO1gRy3gabYGFX6NTIRBnrWJaiMpgo8_h-FaruGs1IIYY3rC2v9PKVpHhX5zsRmRIkmNZpJW1WrOmUGOEQItqSoklu3eQn5IAobJj1l5/w350-h455/EditedHeadstones.jpg" width="350" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">August 18th 2006 still 10:54 p.m.</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;"> </span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">I am pooped we got a
lot done today, phone calls, picked out a headstone, balanced the checkbook,
deposited money.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">August 22nd 2006</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;"> </span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">I love my mom, but I
honestly could never live with the woman. She is way too negative.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">Dad was supposed to
be cremated today; at least that's what the gal at Neptune told me.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">I got the obits sent
into the papers. Hopefully they will be posted in Thursday's papers.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">August 24<sup>th</sup>
2006 </span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">Geez, people chill
out! The Othello paper made a mistake and left part of Dad's obituary out, so mom’s
frothing at the mouth. Maxine called Martin about one of the obituaries, and
the paper is saying it can't be found. Okay, which paper? And they want me to
fix it NOW! People, I'm at WORK. I don't have email access at work! It will
have to wait! I'm wondering if Maxine is talking about the Tri-City Herald,
because I didn't submit to that one, so of COURSE they didn't find it.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">August 29th 2006</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;"> </span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">I still feel like I
haven't really grieved for my dad. I miss him terribly. It will feel weird
getting to the house and he's not there. Granted, last time he wasn't there
either, but at least I got to see him. I'm sure I would feel way more busted up
if he had been a daily part of my life and if he had been taken from me
suddenly and violently. But it was so quiet and peaceful, except when Mom
started crying loudly and he started breathing again. I've been told that
hearing is the last sense to go, so it is very possible that he heard her and
tried to come back.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">I'm not looking
forward to this weekend, Thursday I will leave for Othello right after work,
Friday we will drive to Ritzville to get the death certificate, then on to
Spokane to get Dad's ashes. I'm not sure… do I want some of Dad's ashes? I
could save just a little… or maybe just bury them all. I don't know. I have
pictures of him when he was alive and that's the way I want to remember him,
not as a pile of ashes sitting on my shelf. Okay, so that's decided.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">September 5th 2006</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;"> </span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">I got to moms about
11:30 Thursday night. Friday we got to Ritzville and got the death certificates,
then we went on to Spokane and wasn't able to follow the directions MapQuest
gave me, so I had to drive around to get to Sprague Street. I finally found it
though.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">We picked up Dad's
ashes and went to Perkins for lunch, then headed back to Othello except I
missed the 395 exit at Ritzville, so we took the warden exit and drove forever.
Finally found 17 and got to the cemetery before Marion got there. When she did
show up, I put Dad’s urn in the hole and she went to get the backhoe… only her
husband didn't leave the keys so she got a bucket and shovel. She dumped the first
bucket and I did the second. I got to bury my daddy. Mom misses him so much. I
know she misses him more than I do, but that's because he was a daily constant
in her life.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">She had a doctor's
appointment today. I want to call her and see how it went.</span><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;"> </span><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjK9QX0V3HXDr-trjtogutqSFyua9WO242JbS0UTmJf1uL_RrRxHqDkZ23oHkNyQyC144Qh1fiecGWWzsE233qc_I4ca3aWt1FdrMRatpVRjGccjXkYFjEy7U3H-9E51mEpBxKucZJv0KQ7/s1600/IMG_2441.JPG" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="485" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjK9QX0V3HXDr-trjtogutqSFyua9WO242JbS0UTmJf1uL_RrRxHqDkZ23oHkNyQyC144Qh1fiecGWWzsE233qc_I4ca3aWt1FdrMRatpVRjGccjXkYFjEy7U3H-9E51mEpBxKucZJv0KQ7/w364-h485/IMG_2441.JPG" width="364" /></a><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;"> </span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
</div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">September 6th 2006</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;"> </span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">I bought the memory
frame and flag frame and I will refuse to take money for it even though all
the supplies cost over $75. I have to build the shelving to go in the memory
frame.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">September
12, 2006</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;"><br />
Max wants to tell me her side of the story. I told her go ahead, I would
listen, but I'm really trying to stay out of the middle of it. Sigh... I know
Mom blows things out of proportion.</span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">September 20, 2006</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;"><br />
Mom also wants to change the will, and leave the other three out. Sigh… what a
hellish mess that will cause me. If they each get a quarter then decide that
they deserve more and take it to court and all that, at least I can say, “Look,
they got a quarter, their fair share.”</span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">September 22, 2006</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">And Mom wants the
other kids written out of the will. Sigh…</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">---------------</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101; font-size: large;">My father never
mentioned changing the will, just to stay away from Maxine, Bob and Anita. My
MOTHER was the one that came up with the idea of changing the will.</span><span style="font-size: large;"> Remember this for later.<br /></span>
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</span>Goofiernuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15105779598281452926noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1464273116724604199.post-50761333546784896942016-06-15T16:42:00.003-07:002021-09-18T13:11:33.617-07:00Dad’s last days<span style="font-size: large;"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">****************************** </span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
<b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">*WARNING*<br />I am using software to track who reads this blog.<br />******************************</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;"> </span><br />
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Dad’s kidneys started
to shut down from the Type 2 Diabetes.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;"> </span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #010101;">-----------------------------------------</span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">July 20th 2006</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;"> </span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Mom called on Tuesday
in tears. She said she could smell death on Dad. She also said she didn't think
Dad would make it to Friday</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">July 30th 2006</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;"> <br />
I am back in Othello. Dad has really declined. He’s not eating or drinking
water, his feet are so big. Mom is in pain and is going to try to talk to the
doctor about it.</span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Maxine somehow pissed
off mom so Mom called me to come help her.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Mom is changing dad's
depends. He pooped, poor guy. We had just tucked him into bed. And the puppy is
barking.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">It is 10:47 p.m. and we
need to be up at 6 a.m. to get Dad to his appointment at 9 a.m. I've been only
getting 5 hours of sleep the last few days and I'm already worn down. Not good.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">10:52 p.m</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">.
I got called away. I've been running pretty much non-stop. I had to lie down at
3 p.m. for a nap; I just couldn't stand it anymore. I'm so off schedule with
everything. And Mom says she understands the concept of taking care of herself
in order to take care of him, but sometimes she's not able to. My hat is
totally off to her. There is no way I could do this day after day and not crack.</span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">The insurance agent is
coming tomorrow at noon. Maybe we can somehow get Mom some help. The only help
that's really available though, is hospice. Mom says they just take vitals and
help with baths.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">I had to call the
police department about the dog barking next door. They actually sent an
officer! Mom really needs to learn that you will get more with honey than
vinegar. She’s never learned to not hurt someone. oh well at least I have
figured it out</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Max is pissed. She told
me some things and I can see her side of it, but she doesn't see the side where
she's a lot like Mom and harps and blabs a lot, too. I love living in a big
town where I am anonymous. I can't wait to get home. I'm home sick.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">August 1st 2006</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;"> </span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">I am so freaking tired.
I laid down for a minute and fell right to sleep. I couldn't help it. I don't
know how mom is doing this. And there is no help for Mom. There is a company to
call for in-home care, but Mom says it's expensive and all they do is take
vitals and help with bathing.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">I can't be here
constantly! I just can't! I have a family and a job. Lord, please help me
figure out what to do</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
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<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTHSJXMmmlQ8PEw3zk58-bfZ44D_CGfYR6CpLlTTw-H4n7llK35g9DWIgoCJ-fcNKaQKJcYGxaMAsow5PE81iamMwsfvaQYGdg7A9Z0Mws4t_N4xF0ByVoGuoKbaKT1Oeg2-X3sB3v_9gp/s1600/EbbieHossDad.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="234" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTHSJXMmmlQ8PEw3zk58-bfZ44D_CGfYR6CpLlTTw-H4n7llK35g9DWIgoCJ-fcNKaQKJcYGxaMAsow5PE81iamMwsfvaQYGdg7A9Z0Mws4t_N4xF0ByVoGuoKbaKT1Oeg2-X3sB3v_9gp/s320/EbbieHossDad.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Poor Dad just pooped
his pants. Mom is so tired that she’s just kind of whining at him. and she
keeps going on and on about Max and Max thinks she hasn't done anything wrong,
even though she keeps blabbity blabbing all over town everything she's told.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">I have tried so hard to
keep out the poison, the harping, The Whining, the griping, or bitching and
pissing and moaning. It’s so hard when it's coming at you constantly and you're
tired and hungry and you can't pee and poop when you need to. I wouldn't wish
this on my worst enemy! This should be a prison camp. My God, this is hard! It
would honestly be a blessing if Dad would die in his sleep tonight. It really
would, but then Mom would be a complete basket case,</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">9:55 p.m</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">. </span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">We actually got dad in
bed early. Amazing. I'm going to drop in about a minute. I called Martin and
cried on his shoulder. Poor guy, nothing he can do. Told him that I apologize
ahead of time because when I get home I will be crabby and cranky and whiny but
I will try to leave the Martyr and bitchiness behind. Told him that it's like a
poison that's trying to get into my body and it's hard to keep it away especially
when I'm tired hungry have to pee and have to poop okay off to bed.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">August 2nd 2006</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;"> </span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">My Poor Dad he pooped
in his depends and didn't realize it. mom is in there saying, “Oh, my God!” That's
got to hurt him. It breaks my heart. He won't let me help at all because he's
still got his pride. At least he lets me help transfer him, cook his food, help
with his meds, taking blood, and he let me give him his insulin shot yesterday.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">There is no help to get
for Mom. There’s one company that offers in home health care and Mom says they
came after dad had the lung surgery to help and all they did was take vitals
and help with the bath. They were also very expensive, plus you have to pay
them mileage because they travel from Moses Lake.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">I just trimmed dad's
fingernails and three toenails. His toenails were curling around and growing
into his toes. I caught them before they broke the skin.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">August 7th 2006</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;"> </span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Dad was put in the
hospital on Friday. It’s Monday and as far as I know he is still there. Mom’s
been calling every day. She’s feeling some better, has a UTI and the doctor
took her off that one medication. She sprained her ankle when she twisted it
and has a bone spur on her heel. And that other doctor wouldn't listen to her. Dr.
Bunch also said something about her labs to make her worried but I don't know
what.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">August 8th 2006</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;"> </span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Mom just called. They want
to put dad in the nursing home and Mom is freaking out. If he goes directly
from the hospital to the home, Medicare will pay for the first 100 days, but if
Dad goes home and then Mom realizes she can't take care of him, they would have
to pay for the nursing home and dad didn't sign up for long-term care insurance.
I told Mom to go to the nursing home and, if it's disgusting like when Granny
was there, then tell them no and why.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">August 11th 2006 </span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Dad asked for me, so I
drove here to Othello last night. Got in at 12:30 this morning, dropped into
bed, and slept two or three hours before I had to get up to pee, then I
couldn't get to sleep because the dog was barking. Spent most of the day at the
hospital and came here for food and a nap this afternoon.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Dr. Bunch said that
dad's kidneys have more or less shut down, that there's a small percentage
working but not enough to really live off of. Dad wants to do dialysis but
getting him there and back 3 times a week… Medicare will pay for 80% and their
supplemental insurance will cover the last 20%, but transportation is a problem.
He would have to go to Spokane to see a kidney doctor first, and then get set
up to travel to Moses Lake 3 times a week. He wants to fight but I asked him if
he realizes that even with dialysis that he would still be bedridden. He nodded
yes.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">August 12th 2006 10:26 p.m</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">. </span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">She’s like poison! All
her negative talk… I swear this woman could not ever be happy about anything! She
guilt-trips, she does the martyr act, she whines, and carries on… I hate it
when she cries, “OH GOD!” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I simply hate
it! Would God want to listen to a whiner?!?</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">I'm not sure what will
happen. I told Mom that maybe she needs to tell Dad that it's okay for him to
go, that she will be ok without him, but she won't… or can't. She keeps telling
him that she misses him and wishes he were back home.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">I wish she would quit
harping on and on about stuff! I know she doesn't like the Mexicans and I know
she hates the neighbors and I know she's pissed at Max and the rest of the crew,
but she doesn't need to tell me a million times over!</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">I'm going stark raving
loony! I've got to escape and soon! She’s hinting that I stay until Monday.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">I need to ask Dr. Bunch
if there's anything we can do. I love Dad and I don't want to see him suffer
like this. If there's any way we can help him… but there is! Mom needs to tell
him that it's ok to go and he needs to hear it from her, not me! He already
knows that I'm okay. I think he's worried about her.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">August 13th 2006 1:15 a.m</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">. </span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
<br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">I was just putting on
my jammies after writing this and the phone rang. it was dad's nurse saying he
was asking for Mom. that was about 10:45 p.m. I just now came back. I have got
to get some sleep. And of course mom did the guilt trip: “I'll be okaaaaay… you
go ahead…. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I'll be just fine…..”</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Mom thinks that he's
getting close, but he's been like the Energizer Bunny- going and going and
going.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
<br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">--------------------</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">Memory flash back</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">:</span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">It was Sunday the 13th.
My mother had just left Dad’s room, upset, because he had warned her to stay
away from Maxine, Bob and Anita. He told her that he didn’t trust them. After
my mother left, he said he was worried about leaving her. I promised him that I
would take care of her. He nodded, sighed and relaxed. <br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">--------------------</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;"> </span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYbVyvnF-_W78jwZZp8cc_Qt6ISQUh1dBbhV1VJ4Qngi0Cqx1FiMmcgIvVaBYqGeYbkavEgaPP3OnkL0HrFY8tu1x3E4S45eKd2vCBHhVpsmD-GJlujaURdjzm2a1Kzm6n3EFrH5dOy-z4/s1600/HeidiPalight.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYbVyvnF-_W78jwZZp8cc_Qt6ISQUh1dBbhV1VJ4Qngi0Cqx1FiMmcgIvVaBYqGeYbkavEgaPP3OnkL0HrFY8tu1x3E4S45eKd2vCBHhVpsmD-GJlujaURdjzm2a1Kzm6n3EFrH5dOy-z4/s320/HeidiPalight.jpg" width="292" /></a></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">August 14th 2006 12:16 a.m</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">. </span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Dad is not getting
dialysis, thank goodness. He wouldn't have lasted through the first round. He
has progressed to shallow breathing and they're giving him morphine for pain.
he was responsive earlier, and he told Mom, “I want to go, but I don't want to
go.” mom asked, “go where?” and he replied, “heaven.” mom told him that it was
okay to go and that she would be okay without him. He said he knew that. So at
least he knows.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Kelsie called earlier
and wanted to talk to Papa. I told her that he couldn't talk, and she said she
wanted to tell him that she loved him. So I held the phone to his ear. Boy, his
eyes popped open and he said, “Hi! I love you!” and became unresponsive again.
I'm glad she called.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">The morphine is making
him itch. He keeps reaching up to scratch his head. Mom’s napping on a
hide-a-bed and I'm on another, but I couldn't sleep, so I decided to write.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">I'm so glad that we're
letting nature take its course. I just wish it would hurry up so he doesn't
have to suffer any more. Mom has cried herself out for now and so have I. I'm
sure there will be more tears later.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">I've started writing a
list of who to call and things we need to do and take care of. It’s by no means
complete, but it's a good start. It will be my brain for a while. I will want
to rewrite it and sort the call list from the rest of the list, but I might
wait a bit. I don't know how close he is.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Max McCombs came at
Dad's request and said a prayer with us. Dad said “Amen” at the end. Mom didn't
hear it. I'm so glad she hasn't gone into hysterics. I hope she doesn't when he
finally dies. I hope she doesn't when I have to leave to go home. She said that
she has never lived alone.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">I dread making the
phone calls. I dread that more than him finally dying.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">I went into the ER this
morning I had noticed that I was feeling like I needed to pee more often but
not much would come out, and when I woke up I had some pain. So I went to the
ER and it was a faint positive, so the doctor gave me meds to last 24 hours and
a prescription to fill in the morning.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">I really hope that he
dies tonight or in the morning. they may tell us that our time is up and we
would have to move him to the nursing home or take him home. I'm not sure how I
would handle watching him die at home. I really don't. I'm afraid I might lose
it. I really hope he goes before they come in and tell us time is up.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">I keep looking at him
hoping that he has stopped breathing. I just want it to end. Please, Lord, take
him home soon. I love him too much to watch this much longer.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">10:02 p.m. still August 14th</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;"> </span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">It’s over. He went
fairly peacefully at 4:40 this morning. It was so hard watching him go, but I
couldn't look away. In my heart and mind I was cheering him on.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">There was one time
where he had stopped breathing and you could see him shutting down. Mom started
crying hard and loud and all of a sudden he started breathing again. I tried to
reassure her that it was just a reflex, but she thinks he heard her crying and
tried to come back. That part was heart-wrenching, but he finally stopped
breathing for good and his eyes flickered and then he was gone. Very quiet and
peaceful.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Mom’s doing pretty well.
I'm following her lead when she's strong enough, and holding her up when she is
not. As for me I'm exhausted. I've had only 3 hours of sleep in I don't know
how long. I talked mom into bed she kept trying to do this and that and
distracting herself. She wants to keep busy, which is fine, but we need to rest,
too. Nights are going to be hard for her. I have got to get to bed. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;"> </span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRhfmfWJoGTG5hocdUCX72AL7e0-2y-wO5ZeKF3pO8CbAUb8V19PmkOMmE8mjmTB6duYffpH7rA9d5sQYzVxOOwn1XpGjWEs68srqH0gL-wDOPbogIHNMJT6Fyu7L2CitfJxRohnhTZfmt/s1600/Dad%2526Flower.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRhfmfWJoGTG5hocdUCX72AL7e0-2y-wO5ZeKF3pO8CbAUb8V19PmkOMmE8mjmTB6duYffpH7rA9d5sQYzVxOOwn1XpGjWEs68srqH0gL-wDOPbogIHNMJT6Fyu7L2CitfJxRohnhTZfmt/s320/Dad%2526Flower.jpg" width="315" /><br /></a></span><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRhfmfWJoGTG5hocdUCX72AL7e0-2y-wO5ZeKF3pO8CbAUb8V19PmkOMmE8mjmTB6duYffpH7rA9d5sQYzVxOOwn1XpGjWEs68srqH0gL-wDOPbogIHNMJT6Fyu7L2CitfJxRohnhTZfmt/s1600/Dad%2526Flower.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;"></span><br /></a></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">---------<br />Out of everything that woman ever did, keening and wailing, "What's gonna happen to MEEEEEE" as my dear, sweet father took his last breath, then tried to come back when he heard her is the absolute most AWFUL thing she could have done. My Dad was DYING and all she could think about was herself. <br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span>Goofiernuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15105779598281452926noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1464273116724604199.post-7577005624654780912016-06-11T09:40:00.001-07:002021-09-18T12:56:55.225-07:00Dad's lung cancer surgery<span style="font-size: large;"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">When Dad went into the
hospital with appendicitis, the X-ray tech spotted an abnormality. After Dad’s
appendix was taken out, he went in for a CT scan. A small tumor was found in
his left lung. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxXn_q2Sh0t4FVbEX0IcJ-ToRomhw2EVoJsEdWu0NhzgjDOIBCOnMhRoRYC-b6ZWZXlNAt3dTi0-rCsEVJZPw58XqPy9RJbIkxInzjoDJv1MzIrcY_LU6yoJmZw5-dQxzrwVnzfbiEzpLc/s1600/X1100tmp.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="508" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxXn_q2Sh0t4FVbEX0IcJ-ToRomhw2EVoJsEdWu0NhzgjDOIBCOnMhRoRYC-b6ZWZXlNAt3dTi0-rCsEVJZPw58XqPy9RJbIkxInzjoDJv1MzIrcY_LU6yoJmZw5-dQxzrwVnzfbiEzpLc/s640/X1100tmp.jpg" width="640" /></a></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
</div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">---------------------------</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">April 2, 2005</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Dad’s going in for
surgery the 14th and I'm leaving town the 13th to be there. Sigh... I'm not
looking forward to it, not at all.<br />
The folks got final arrangements in order and paid for, as well as wills
written and signed. They've put me in charge should they both go. Max, Bob and
Anita don't know and will have an absolute shit fit when they find out. Sigh...
Max told them that they should sell their house, give the money to Max and Joe,
who would buy a duplex and mom and Dad could have half. Sigh… and max would
have 100% control over when they wanted to leave, when they eat meals, she'd
shove JW <<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Jehovah's Witnesses</i>>
down their throats and my folks would go completely bonkers.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">-------------------------------------</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">It was my <b>FATHER</b>
who wanted me as second on Power of Attorney paperwork. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">REMEMBER THIS FOR
LATER!!! It will come into play later on in the story.</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">I don’t have any
journal entries of when he was in the hospital, but I do have some pretty clear
memories:</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Bob insisted on driving
Dad to the hospital in a motor home, which couldn’t be pulled into the parking garage.
Because of that, Dad had to walk into the hospital instead of being pushed in a
wheelchair. He was very winded and tired from that. I felt so bad for him.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXOZErCQpf71AnHZlQbwhRqWKUfPCnTOOqnOhCHL7VupT-5EmxUEEtxhXTSAr-4HXUlDuzdoqST9-ukF5lvRGeKH6_YS64BGjpazXfk2L1nNINGGHxXlDADpIUeEkcSOkVTLW5nnOQgiRl/s1600/aNarcWill.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="433" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXOZErCQpf71AnHZlQbwhRqWKUfPCnTOOqnOhCHL7VupT-5EmxUEEtxhXTSAr-4HXUlDuzdoqST9-ukF5lvRGeKH6_YS64BGjpazXfk2L1nNINGGHxXlDADpIUeEkcSOkVTLW5nnOQgiRl/w504-h433/aNarcWill.jpg" width="504" /></a></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Bob was a huge asshole at
mealtimes, telling us we were fat and that we should eat less and “Some days
all I eat is a handful of nuts and look how healthy *I* am!” Then he would go
off to smoke pot and when he came back, would buy junk food out of the vending
machines and gulp it down. But that was okay because “I walk SEVEN MILES A DAY
on the treadmill!”</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLu6VA6LcDfrkJURH0JZigWs9xqB7m_pWX6xe0E4bLhayMNQ39H4Pr6vZI605xWH7lmwTcbn8wni_T4AvErgq4DkD_Wu7XvsdPz8BU0ckDM1HrnuJMOCP3Vz-nAz1oSVosHcrSbuM2q5Fh/s1600/projecting.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="350" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLu6VA6LcDfrkJURH0JZigWs9xqB7m_pWX6xe0E4bLhayMNQ39H4Pr6vZI605xWH7lmwTcbn8wni_T4AvErgq4DkD_Wu7XvsdPz8BU0ckDM1HrnuJMOCP3Vz-nAz1oSVosHcrSbuM2q5Fh/w503-h350/projecting.jpg" width="503" /></a></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Bob said that my dad
never worked a hard, honest day in his life. Having lived with the man for 19
years, I know this to be untrue. My Dad worked hard to keep a roof over our
head and food in our bellies. Dad worked for the cable TV company. I know he
had to climb poles and dig ditches to hook people up to cable. He was with this
company for over 25 years. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Maxine argued with me
about Easter, insisting that Jesus died on a torture stake, not a cross. I
finally said to her, </span><span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">“You’re missing the point. HE DIED. HE DIED FOR US!” </span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">then
I got up and went to sit with Dad in his ICU room. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdXsQrjyGb_qY6gXGmwWhAyW7zpj0pn-NDDmZsHnpHa2PgDdwZXYz3zSGPD_PIAOSzkfbXRHd5swZ5_wVeGmg5tPwG0kVrq_355qS8Jvc4oN43r8De-yb-zelor4ngGp1mMPcd5RDDKnxT/s1600/ignorethem.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="362" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdXsQrjyGb_qY6gXGmwWhAyW7zpj0pn-NDDmZsHnpHa2PgDdwZXYz3zSGPD_PIAOSzkfbXRHd5swZ5_wVeGmg5tPwG0kVrq_355qS8Jvc4oN43r8De-yb-zelor4ngGp1mMPcd5RDDKnxT/w517-h362/ignorethem.png" width="517" /></a></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">The ICU nurse told my
mother to stay out of Dad’s room because he would wake up, see her and get
agitated. He would try to pull out his breathing tube so he could talk to her.
The nurse hesitated when I asked if I could sit with Dad, but when he saw that
Dad actually relaxed every time he woke up and saw me, he was happy for me to
be in there. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Whenever Maxine and Bob
started in, I would grab my stuff and go sit with dad. It finally got to the point
where I wouldn’t even stay out in the waiting area, just go straight to Dad’s
room. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Dad wanted to do chemo after the surgery, but the doctors were afraid that the treatment would kill him. He was pretty fragile at this point. He only lasted another year and four months. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaJ9LHKxhxz9lxMBcvXLBMbxEqeHMzFtA4mOI_SbluJtafBhH_vohNgEv9-i1QEMIpn0zXlk0JcctuNqsZTFN9r4J97vNMG2klVSXPPAISItgPbbFRmDuXlKSqufziWAjpNpnoZuhP7hH8/s1600/HeidiPalight.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaJ9LHKxhxz9lxMBcvXLBMbxEqeHMzFtA4mOI_SbluJtafBhH_vohNgEv9-i1QEMIpn0zXlk0JcctuNqsZTFN9r4J97vNMG2klVSXPPAISItgPbbFRmDuXlKSqufziWAjpNpnoZuhP7hH8/s400/HeidiPalight.jpg" width="365" /></a></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;"> </span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span>Goofiernuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15105779598281452926noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1464273116724604199.post-25434159363724904022016-06-10T15:43:00.004-07:002021-09-18T12:54:11.015-07:00Dad<span style="font-size: large;"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Dad’s health went
downhill fairly quickly between 1998 and 2004. He was put on oxygen and
diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">----------------------------</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;"> </span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">July 21, 2004</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">My dad still hasn't
gotten a will or anything set in place. At least mom went through the china
hutch and bookshelf with me and decided who got what. That only took two days. I
couldn't get mom to stay on task to save my life. I dread when they both go and
I have to go through that house trying weed out the pure shit from the good
stuff. Sigh... she is SUCH a pack rat! Makes me want to totally empty out my
house.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">I DID get some
scrapbooking done, though. It was a good idea to take it. It kept my hands busy
while ma yacked my ears off. She could talk to the dead and bore them to death.
I don't know how many times she kept going on and on about Jessica and how
Marta's gonna try to get custody of the baby Nicolas and so on and so forth.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">Dec 26, 2004</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Dad was just taken by
ambulance to Deaconess Hospital in Spokane. They think it's his appendix. Mom
will call as soon as she gets up there and they make a diagnosis.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">Jan 1, 2005</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;"><br />
AHHHHH!!! I wanna go HOME! </span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">It WAS
his appendix and he went in to surgery Sunday night. Monday morning I
went in to the doctor to get on antibiotics then Kelsie and I headed to Spokane, much to max's
dismay. SHE wants to be in charge and was starting to
really piss off mom. Anyhow, we spent Monday night at
the motel with mom, max and Becky. Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday it
was just the three of us. We got to bring Dad home Friday night after the bowel
meds got him started and he learned to self-cath. His bladder isn't working yet
so he has to put a catheter in. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Anyhow, at the hospital
and motel it wasn't too bad. Boring as hell, but mom didn't keep bitching at
Dad too much. Kelsie and I spent a LOT of time in the waiting room.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">As soon as we walked in
this door though... OMG! I wanted to kill them. Mom NAGS HIM TO DEATH!!! It
drives me crazy. It's all a power struggle. She keeps asking to nag him about
self cathing, and I don't want to! I did sorta boss him around and told him
jokingly that, "It’s 8:00 young man! You need to pee!" and he stuck
his tongue out at me. Then he said he wanted to wait til 9:00 so that it would
be right before bed. Okay I can understand that
and told him so. But MOM started raising a fuss about it being a
baaaaad idea to wait. Sheesh! POWER STRUGGLE! Leave him ALONE. He
can't pee on his own, but with the cath he at least has SOME control. Don't
take it away like that!</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Sigh... we're stuck
here til Monday at the soonest. He has to go back to Spokane for a follow up and I'm their ride.
Which means I miss work and Kelsie misses school. Sigh... poor kid. She's SO
BORED. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">I hate it when she
gets diarrhea of the mouth. People don't need to know that Dad had to
poop and learn how to self cath before leaving the hospital. TOO MUCH INFO!</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">---------------------</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNB3s8YAv5TUoZWPeY84i9-X1b-nBedvdJXfntjUDVCL9LPFWMiZxCMhq3ZIc5HPFYwvJac5L0KVcX4FxdwvmeijydT1yVZ_NRFQymDPT6Ppfw6yTz9jhD9GOHXJHaAeYmxE68RPxwZKj8/s1600/fake+concern.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="503" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNB3s8YAv5TUoZWPeY84i9-X1b-nBedvdJXfntjUDVCL9LPFWMiZxCMhq3ZIc5HPFYwvJac5L0KVcX4FxdwvmeijydT1yVZ_NRFQymDPT6Ppfw6yTz9jhD9GOHXJHaAeYmxE68RPxwZKj8/w503-h503/fake+concern.jpg" width="503" /></a></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">After we got back to
the folk’s house, my mother got on the phone to call EVERYONE and tell them how
Dad had to rely on a catheter to pee. Poor man. He must have felt the same way I
did when my mother announced to the world that I had started my period. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;"> </span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">My parents lived in a tiny
farm town that had NOTHING fun for the young crowd to do… except get drunk and
go cow tipping. Heck, there wasn’t anything fun for the older crowd to do,
either. No movie theater, no bowling alley (it had closed down), nothing. For “fun”
you go walk the Walmart.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaQ1jZcdcxDOpooqnAGDCSmELPgXIytCmo9Y-oXAXELsqCOvTT-ESnP8gLypybO7IJxSzL4Gk2oUdNkVnN7w5iJ9pGAOFr0D3eTLq2yO0rZA-9IMl_W7-P4infZzx4VLD0E2zJ6VuhTRm8/s1600/MotherWindow.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="433" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaQ1jZcdcxDOpooqnAGDCSmELPgXIytCmo9Y-oXAXELsqCOvTT-ESnP8gLypybO7IJxSzL4Gk2oUdNkVnN7w5iJ9pGAOFr0D3eTLq2yO0rZA-9IMl_W7-P4infZzx4VLD0E2zJ6VuhTRm8/w348-h433/MotherWindow.JPG" width="348" /></a></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Their house was like a
fortress. My mother insisted that windows and doors be kept closed and locked
at all times. She would keep the curtains pulled “in case someone tries to peek
in.” And she would peek out several times an hour “to see if anyone is out
there.”</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgb89k44tvYriQuevgrgYNd6nHX4g32QzRD1XhhP6QbHKfqRgH7RlVNvS5kx-808IiGmVaNtBfVw5inQRxCsYBRz0r3Wugw8HqlPIwiWHiTjrXvTdpJcmOgNnljKjYu4ihLgfC2HlUWEBty/s1600/control+freak.jpg"><img border="0" height="477" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgb89k44tvYriQuevgrgYNd6nHX4g32QzRD1XhhP6QbHKfqRgH7RlVNvS5kx-808IiGmVaNtBfVw5inQRxCsYBRz0r3Wugw8HqlPIwiWHiTjrXvTdpJcmOgNnljKjYu4ihLgfC2HlUWEBty/w340-h477/control+freak.jpg" width="340" /></a> </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;"><br />
If I wanted to leave, I had to give a full account to my mother of where I was
going, who I was going to be with or see, how long I would be gone, when I would
be back, and so on. My dad, on the other hand, would just say “see you when you
get back.” </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">And when I got back, it
was the third degree: who did you see, who did you run into, what was that
person doing, what were they buying, did they say anything gossipy… you get the
idea. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvaL6mbwq7rEXepU9LaEGPmkkzKs_hW4Mu1X0vkeA0SuVKWIof1BSgA_SwCXpze5VzQKVT6S18hA5eInKj9BDFV6dCRQXhFkqOIgHi48esdmMqVGAOlPoRXYYgY-r3cUAFnIL9BZj6U4xp/s1600/IMG_8613.JPG" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="350" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvaL6mbwq7rEXepU9LaEGPmkkzKs_hW4Mu1X0vkeA0SuVKWIof1BSgA_SwCXpze5VzQKVT6S18hA5eInKj9BDFV6dCRQXhFkqOIgHi48esdmMqVGAOlPoRXYYgY-r3cUAFnIL9BZj6U4xp/w325-h350/IMG_8613.JPG" width="325" /></a><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQoin1LXZgtgFU9XGZWPP-dtFZ0oFZbA2TcQIn5THQIVi8Ou4mLKV0TDdzEeyPr7OiDcAC2W1H7HIqNILei6WgaeWVuUzcI6eXhTHiXItae5FtnQPqs-q4TR2iULawuud_wSsl79CVegOj/s1600/IMG_8612.JPG"><img border="0" height="390" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQoin1LXZgtgFU9XGZWPP-dtFZ0oFZbA2TcQIn5THQIVi8Ou4mLKV0TDdzEeyPr7OiDcAC2W1H7HIqNILei6WgaeWVuUzcI6eXhTHiXItae5FtnQPqs-q4TR2iULawuud_wSsl79CVegOj/w304-h390/IMG_8612.JPG" width="304" /></a> </span></span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">Despite all this, my dad retained his silly sense of humor. <br />I miss him.</span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvRrts4bX0qh4xgXKawxSpFv1YMOaPAzIdfkGkcD-xtk13gdg1HBD-2wjzLAzEtJI1ZD4DmEf-yKbqdPElggF6309zQfjNXieYwXzyeDQjAgBH_hQN3_aZyHy5HZFBKANhl4KP8avsSDZP/s1600/HeidiPalight.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="397" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvRrts4bX0qh4xgXKawxSpFv1YMOaPAzIdfkGkcD-xtk13gdg1HBD-2wjzLAzEtJI1ZD4DmEf-yKbqdPElggF6309zQfjNXieYwXzyeDQjAgBH_hQN3_aZyHy5HZFBKANhl4KP8avsSDZP/w362-h397/HeidiPalight.jpg" width="362" /></a></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span>Goofiernuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15105779598281452926noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1464273116724604199.post-20838254609415466992016-06-09T13:33:00.002-07:002021-09-18T12:51:43.376-07:00WHAT family?<span style="font-size: large;"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US">Jun 30, 1998</span></b><span lang="EN-US"> </span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: large;">Well I made it to my folks house Monday. I
started scraping the eaves in the back of the house, got particles in my eyes
and broke out in a rash on my legs. I have no idea what's in store for today.
Mom wants to hire someone to scrape and maybe paint, plus she wants new windows
elsewhere .</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US">July 1, 1998 </span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: large;">I now remember why I moved out in the first
place. Mom nagging at Dad and Dad trying to figure out what Mom wants. I hope I
don't do Martin that way.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: large;">I think Mom is getting irked that I haven't
walked with her in the mornings, but I don't have an alarm to wake me. How am I
supposed to get up if I don't have an alarm?</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">
<span lang="EN-US"> </span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiriN5sCqWCnKt5mwOcYVb60DxuDzin2Vw3aKzjjMUOCSlsNQoUgwwU2eyEVu4AnwdbvF5c5SHtLbaXbkg4xKbixubbrPcYbd2UxH1y1zehVReNeF9-J1rjWGstGYQwdXMY-VxRImCwn4fk/s1600/72e890ec6bf8ba1d3fdf66ade7828472.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="418" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiriN5sCqWCnKt5mwOcYVb60DxuDzin2Vw3aKzjjMUOCSlsNQoUgwwU2eyEVu4AnwdbvF5c5SHtLbaXbkg4xKbixubbrPcYbd2UxH1y1zehVReNeF9-J1rjWGstGYQwdXMY-VxRImCwn4fk/w418-h418/72e890ec6bf8ba1d3fdf66ade7828472.jpg" width="418" /></a></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US">July 2, 1998</span></b><span lang="EN-US"> </span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: large;">I love my parents to death but they are
driving me nuts. I thought that I would be able to do things every once in
awhile, but both of them have been at me almost the entire time. It’s worse
than when I was living here. I think the thing that's driving me mad is Mom's
real loud voice. She can nag! I thought I was bad. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: large;">I just called Martin but he wasn't home. I
wonder where he is? It’s almost 9:30, he's not usually out this late. Hope he
calls back soon. I'm terribly homesick and didn't really realize it till just
now. I might drive over to be with him for the 4th so I can have a break from
these guys and from Kelsie. She’s really getting on my nerves.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US">July 3, 1998</span></b><span lang="EN-US"> </span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: large;">I made it I made it home! Yay! I was just
getting so fed up with my folks and Kelsie.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">August 12, 1998 <</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">back at my parent’s house<b>></b></span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: large;">I should be in bed but I'm mentally wound
up. I woke (was awakened) at 7:30 or so, ate breakfast then went out and
painted till about 3. I'm pooped. Mom's been going like gangbusters. The north
side of the house is done except for the trim, the west side is done except for
the windows that are to be replaced, the east side is about half done and we
haven't even touched the south side. The gates still need to be put together
and the little gate needs to be built and I need to learn how to use the tiller
if I'm going to take it this Saturday.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US"><br />
August 13, 1998</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: large;">Well, I wasn't awakened by banging. Mom
woke me by making noise with the ladder then. The window guys showed up a
little later. I'm looking forward to going home even though it's only for a few
days. Then I have another week here, then home to stay. I hope we can get
everything done. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US">10:24 p.m</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: large;">I can't get my brain to shut off I'm
homesick I miss Martin. I wish I could transport, like in Star Trek, home
tonight and pop back tomorrow morning. That would be so lovely. I'm not feeling
too wonderful either, to tell the truth. I need to pee but Mom's in the shower.
She was kind of bitchy today, but it might have been partly because I was so
tired. Sometimes it seems like she has a bit of a mean streak in her, like when
you're watching a movie and she starts making noise or talking loud when she
knows you're trying to listen ...or waking me up by moving the ladder? Hmmm… </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: large;">I'm debating on whether I should have
Kelsie come next summer or not. Kind of depends on what's going on next summer.
And it all depends on where they are mentally, physically, emotionally, and
financially. If Dad is real sick, then obviously not.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: large;">-----------------------------------------</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: large;">Wasn't he a cute little guy? I would LOVE to know what he was like as a kid. One of my cousins, the daughter of my Uncle Bob, told me that she didn't think their family life was very happy. Dad never talked about his childhood. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNKRamKbeNPHMNAZbke610VDUthAtUGB5B6R9jwpPCYRso5XgehFS9Y33EruhuGtGsQXTxk3MKvgPRn2CnId8Y6f4eTzxb3DwItl8CX43TFUzyUb0gnQG6yxoA-DjZrGQRDqlGj4G461My/s1600/dadhorse.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="398" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNKRamKbeNPHMNAZbke610VDUthAtUGB5B6R9jwpPCYRso5XgehFS9Y33EruhuGtGsQXTxk3MKvgPRn2CnId8Y6f4eTzxb3DwItl8CX43TFUzyUb0gnQG6yxoA-DjZrGQRDqlGj4G461My/w306-h398/dadhorse.jpg" width="306" /></a><span lang="EN-US"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhB1W7N7TF1Q9OQ4hF89rdwv_iYXjNZdt3gOG2hehcXYHcICA-HBSrpAbymXuECuGlTkLL9Z630q6Me-kdO_9LRTA62rhH67oNRobm3zQTPxvUyVCaMCfaQGv6BdtgKP6KeSSSUkOXOeCdz/s1600/dadbaby.JPG"><img border="0" height="398" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhB1W7N7TF1Q9OQ4hF89rdwv_iYXjNZdt3gOG2hehcXYHcICA-HBSrpAbymXuECuGlTkLL9Z630q6Me-kdO_9LRTA62rhH67oNRobm3zQTPxvUyVCaMCfaQGv6BdtgKP6KeSSSUkOXOeCdz/w321-h398/dadbaby.JPG" width="321" /></a></span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: large;">Dad’s health steadily declined over the
next 6 years. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: large;">And my mother’s paranoia, martyr syndrome
and narcissism got worse. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: large;">She would harp at him about anything and
everything. Nothing he did was right or good enough. She would bitch that she
would have to check over his work in the check book register and call people to
make sure he actually sent a payment. He would make mistakes because he still
wasn’t getting enough oxygen to his brain. But the man tried the best he could.
And all the while, she would bitch to me about the mistakes he made, as if he
were doing it on purpose. She was trying to make me mad at him… but all it did
was make me feel sorry for him. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuPp8b33PDJwxMnB3exSYD7bGcwk2pmspC5aNcOC1c1ia4UkS_lFjluRuYdygwIqV65Ze581Cgn81oI2vwud4HJCqAvTMEkdlQm5dffolh7U4d_2jEISb7sYwu4UxR9ZFWbnQ6W8Vf0FUA/s1600/dadduds.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuPp8b33PDJwxMnB3exSYD7bGcwk2pmspC5aNcOC1c1ia4UkS_lFjluRuYdygwIqV65Ze581Cgn81oI2vwud4HJCqAvTMEkdlQm5dffolh7U4d_2jEISb7sYwu4UxR9ZFWbnQ6W8Vf0FUA/s320/dadduds.jpg" width="240" /></a><span lang="EN-US"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDwRvI1jMf5fyurcNt2ozbjRfiA3ALH0abuDlV_nsANEq_cNdqsm2cFI7E8ybayWg_1sXMXvEtOPzoRwar4W6ZueHNKvsKvKZfpJDk98PXCArUg1dql89RidACEUyTsjLQmo0Qnw1fi4Ot/s1600/dadsailorduds.jpg"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDwRvI1jMf5fyurcNt2ozbjRfiA3ALH0abuDlV_nsANEq_cNdqsm2cFI7E8ybayWg_1sXMXvEtOPzoRwar4W6ZueHNKvsKvKZfpJDk98PXCArUg1dql89RidACEUyTsjLQmo0Qnw1fi4Ot/s320/dadsailorduds.jpg" width="258" /></a> </span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: large;">I mentioned that it seems like she
has a mean streak. Whenever Dad was trying to watch something on TV in the
living room, she would sit there and talk over the show. He would finally get
irritated and go to the bedroom to watch it in there. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: large;">She would do the same thing to me, only I
didn’t have any other place to watch the show. Usually I would just go in the
spare bedroom and read or write in my journal.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgh_lc220eBCKEsB12kd_5kD3wjGK8eY_AmX_-Dkyodozbb0mDJUYYluQvmVZjyUMNF6dC6b2JIB0ltjNpW8K-uaCz-gUunOGWXDJHx17BYg047PwoQPtwfm0o03j-Cwzd9NZLumUfElxZL/s1600/download31.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="284" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgh_lc220eBCKEsB12kd_5kD3wjGK8eY_AmX_-Dkyodozbb0mDJUYYluQvmVZjyUMNF6dC6b2JIB0ltjNpW8K-uaCz-gUunOGWXDJHx17BYg047PwoQPtwfm0o03j-Cwzd9NZLumUfElxZL/w379-h284/download31.jpg" width="379" /></a></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: large;">I helped paint the house that summer. We
had to hire guys to scrape when I broke out in a rash from the paint shavings, but
my mother and I painted the entire house. We also painted and rebuilt the
fences. And where were my half sisters and half brother during all this? Where
were my nieces and nephew? How about my cousins? <br />
NO ONE came to help. Not a one of my “FAMILY” came to help. </span><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: large;">------------------------------</span><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: large;">I just had a memory flash back:</span><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: large;">Mom and Dad were sitting in the living room. Dad was wearing a light weight short sleeve shirt despite it being a chilly evening. Mom was sitting in her recliner, wearing a heavy sweatshirt with the hood pulled up, crocheting. She looked over at Dad. <br />"Aren't you COLD?" she asked. <br />"No."<br />"Well, *I'M* FREEZING!" she said. "You should go put on a sweatshirt!"<br />His reply nearly made me choke, "Why, would that make you warmer?"</span><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: large;">Looking back, I can see that Dad was a victim of the narcissistic behaviors, too. <br />I wonder if he suspected that something just wasn't right with her. I wish he were here today so I could talk to him... not that I think he would. He was a very quiet and private person. I guess that's where I get that trait from. </span><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">
<span lang="EN-US"> ------------------------------</span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: large;">Characteristics of a narcissistic mother</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: large;">http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/characteristics-of-narcissistic-mothers.html<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: large;">1. Everything she does is deniable</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: large;">2. She violates your boundaries</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: large;">3. She favoritizes</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: large;">4. She undermines</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: large;">5. She demeans, criticizes and denigrates</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: large;">6. She makes you look crazy.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: large;">7. She's envious</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: large;">8. She's a liar in too many ways to count.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: large;">9. She has to be the center of attention
all the time.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: large;">10. She manipulates your emotions in order
to feed on your pain.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: large;">11. She's selfish and willful.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: large;">12. She's self-absorbed.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: large;">13. She is insanely defensive and is
extremely sensitive to any criticism.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: large;">14. She terrorized.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: large;">15. She's infantile and petty.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: large;">16. She's aggressive and shameless.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: large;">17. She "parentifies."</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: large;">18. She's exploitative.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: large;">19. She projects.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: large;">20. She is never wrong about anything.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: large;">21. She seems to have no awareness that
other people even have feelings.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: large;">22. She blames.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: large;">23. She destroys your relationships.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: large;">24. As a last resort she goes pathetic.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span>Goofiernuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15105779598281452926noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1464273116724604199.post-81117168802796654622016-06-08T11:33:00.002-07:002021-09-18T12:47:47.467-07:00Back History<span style="font-size: large;"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<![endif]--><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">In May of 1990, I had become engaged
to a guy named Eric who, henceforth, will be referred to as Dipshit. As time
went on, I realized he was not the guy for me. </span><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" /><br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Eric was a charmer, and
once he had me charmed, he moved himself into my apartment. He didn’t drive and
didn’t even have a license, which should have been a huge warning flag right
there. He didn’t have a job and still lived at home with his parents and two
brothers, one of which was married. More warning flags. I just did NOT pay
attention.<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Dipshit liked to party.
Partying was never my scene. He wanted to smoke, drink and sleep around. I was
not interested in that. So when his friends invited him to a party, he would
encourage me to “go do something fun with Martin”, whom I had met on July 19, 1990.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">One day in August, I’d
had enough. Enough of the partying, smoking (he KNEW I was asthmatic and would
purposely try to kiss me after smoking a cigarette), drinking and sleazing
around. He called me to come pick him up from work. I told him “No. Call your
mother” and hung up on him.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">He called back, begging
me, then threatened to kill himself. I called his work and told them what he
was threatening to do. He was fired, his mother came and got him and I started
packing his shit up to get it out of my apartment. I called my parents and
Martin and they all came to help. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">I’m going to go briefly
back in time… in high school I dated a Hispanic guy. He’s a nice guy and we’ve
been in touch a few times since graduation.
</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">During the summer of 1989 I dated an African American
guy. Found out he was scum because he was engaged to another woman while dating me. I put a
stop to that relationship immediately.<br />
In my first year of college I dated a Vietnamese guy. At first, he was a
charmer… then he showed his true colors and I broke up with him.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">All throughout this
dating, my mother would have apoplectic fits, not only because I was dating,
but because I wasn’t dating anyone WHITE.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">So… when she met blond
haired, blue eyed Martin, she took me aside and muttered, “Oh, I LIKE this
one!” </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;"> </span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLiec_KeqCP4cwwzzWEeG2H0VShAOHW3Ww8OXx1mOq5HTXcNGTxlBlyQ_8lcKkpJHIUMMrEgaIBzlc7cBpCnCUi68i2gBMvABryppBhiWG8DxqF9x4opobTNbG9BuLFjoeTJb3uzBNdlGV/s1600/IMG_8617.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLiec_KeqCP4cwwzzWEeG2H0VShAOHW3Ww8OXx1mOq5HTXcNGTxlBlyQ_8lcKkpJHIUMMrEgaIBzlc7cBpCnCUi68i2gBMvABryppBhiWG8DxqF9x4opobTNbG9BuLFjoeTJb3uzBNdlGV/s400/IMG_8617.JPG" width="400" /></a></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
</div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">July 20, 1991 I married
Martin. My mother insisted on making my dress. Fine by me. I would have been
content getting married in jeans and a t-shirt. I didn’t care what I was
wearing because I was marrying my best friend! But she wanted the fame and glory of making my dress and the skirts for the Bridesmaids. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtXy3hGs4y5CDNEn1Y7ye6TdYQQWRU1oF3C9Lp73Na9uG7wBpUFwWoiS3PofYON_ahbw9JTBErbSk5EJPbvwe56ZSyF4Nk-_rbLA4M0mRnF5LVjTf-h_KbU5MuJO0uaY3trzDMvjul2kIj/s1600/IMG_8621.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="235" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtXy3hGs4y5CDNEn1Y7ye6TdYQQWRU1oF3C9Lp73Na9uG7wBpUFwWoiS3PofYON_ahbw9JTBErbSk5EJPbvwe56ZSyF4Nk-_rbLA4M0mRnF5LVjTf-h_KbU5MuJO0uaY3trzDMvjul2kIj/s400/IMG_8621.JPG" width="400" /></a></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">In September of 1991,
we found out I was pregnant. Kelsie arrived 9 weeks early in January. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Walking down the hallway with me in the hospital the day after Kelsie was born, my mother told me that
someone had started a rumor that I had delivered early because I had overdosed
on drugs. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Yes, you read that
right. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Supposedly, I overdosed.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">The only drugs in my system at Kelsie’s birth
were the drugs the doctor had ordered to stop my labor. When those drugs made me
vomit uncontrollably, dehydrating me and putting huge amounts of stress on
Kelsie, the doctor ordered them to be stopped. “If the baby comes, the baby
comes. We’ll deal with it if it happens” is what he said.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Looking back, I now
suspect it was my own dear, sweet, kind, loving MOTHER who started the rumor.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgt4845unT855_BCYAIHrwZSYRNrqX3tf544Kq4uJKmZPsW4ORZhhwwX_1id2Y1kK7BuprufcBURszSjgm-V39ZWFqAGqS4_f6YU1n6EYomZHdkG7nh5ulgqwcm8Dul1odnp3HsXLFx002g/s1600/IMG_8622.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="301" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgt4845unT855_BCYAIHrwZSYRNrqX3tf544Kq4uJKmZPsW4ORZhhwwX_1id2Y1kK7BuprufcBURszSjgm-V39ZWFqAGqS4_f6YU1n6EYomZHdkG7nh5ulgqwcm8Dul1odnp3HsXLFx002g/s400/IMG_8622.JPG" width="400" /></a></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;"> </span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">While Kelsie was in the
NICU, my mother didn’t come very often to visit. The NICU nurses only wanted
parents to come in and not other relatives in order to keep germs to a minimum.
</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYuH8ZPbM_i4lXSN9JAdL_d1zBpTzXF6_2ZP8quJBm66wa1H6hX79yTAxDVQIVKfGf1omUfdzB878JpZt0VOatpZk00IN-ckg3BG-_VsMA7gaVxZ4kXcPBLZZ27aIP44Rb4Pwtn-Vk1iwd/s1600/IMG_8623.JPG"><img border="0" height="276" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYuH8ZPbM_i4lXSN9JAdL_d1zBpTzXF6_2ZP8quJBm66wa1H6hX79yTAxDVQIVKfGf1omUfdzB878JpZt0VOatpZk00IN-ckg3BG-_VsMA7gaVxZ4kXcPBLZZ27aIP44Rb4Pwtn-Vk1iwd/s320/IMG_8623.JPG" width="320" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEEmBkQHstc4fsROiG9XvD2mjcN2oKwKDLjl9x2rER7V_M8eXxSdvo-0X7AeFJWy9h18n6thdgTPN6NjiIuUs3sirsHcbOzoslQGIwME_Gzwrzw73JYWRmURt-jLk8ad0yJlKXecAqxIDj/s1600/IMG_8624.JPG"><img border="0" height="192" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEEmBkQHstc4fsROiG9XvD2mjcN2oKwKDLjl9x2rER7V_M8eXxSdvo-0X7AeFJWy9h18n6thdgTPN6NjiIuUs3sirsHcbOzoslQGIwME_Gzwrzw73JYWRmURt-jLk8ad0yJlKXecAqxIDj/s320/IMG_8624.JPG" width="320" /></a> </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">8 weeks after we took
her home, Kelsie came down with meningitis. She was air lifted by airplane to
Spokane. My mother INSISTS that she was taken by helicopter, but she wasn’t
there when they took Kelsie. The helipad at the hospital was under construction and we signed a
release saying she would be taken by air plane. My mother also INSISTS that
Kelsie was transported back by helicopter. I know she was on an airplane
because <u><b>I WAS WITH HER</b></u>. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;"> </span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">While Kelsie was in
Spokane, my mother stayed with her for hours, holding her, rocking her and singing to her. Now,
you would think that this was done out of love. <br />
Nope.<br />
This was done for attention. Kelsie was in a pediatric ward with three other
beds. Lots of parents and nurses constantly in and out of the room, so LOTS of attention. Many people
commented on how sweet my mother was to just sit there to hold and rock
Kelsie, and sing to her. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">If only they had known the truth. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMuDETOUFIaiKyixvusNlbNEuOyfWXM7ty3u-e9U8D8UaRE_qFUD2rom9CqT6mGJOneFZknPWdCoUEep7h7kkELVRD_MgrM25JGKEKhNBA4TpPdBjHvXWAiWIDS37LAxDN2K1w-jLlxj3l/s1600/IMG_8625.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMuDETOUFIaiKyixvusNlbNEuOyfWXM7ty3u-e9U8D8UaRE_qFUD2rom9CqT6mGJOneFZknPWdCoUEep7h7kkELVRD_MgrM25JGKEKhNBA4TpPdBjHvXWAiWIDS37LAxDN2K1w-jLlxj3l/s400/IMG_8625.JPG" width="360" /></a></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">After Kelsie was transported back, she went back into the NICU. Our favorite nurse there had a lot of fun with Kelsie, as you can see in the picture above. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">In June we moved across
the state to the Seattle
area so Martin could go to college. As stressful as it was to move so far away,
in hindsight, it was a blessing. It got me farther away from my mother. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">From 1991 to 1998 we traveled to visit since Dad's health was getting worse and long trips were starting to take a toll on him. We would allow my folks to have Kelsie for a week or
so at a time.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicCdhNKkFI4DRQgs3FbY-wNrBNjlfRKod542MOdoie-fHb3ZESKyEVOf-fMfkYAA7qlj4Z1ZMXY_JH9QzT0qrbfHQNI4fT5VmYOwWdOKd-4m9IpfOKcNdiUgnNs9JF5hhd_R6KqpjrE77G/s1600/IMG_8615.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicCdhNKkFI4DRQgs3FbY-wNrBNjlfRKod542MOdoie-fHb3ZESKyEVOf-fMfkYAA7qlj4Z1ZMXY_JH9QzT0qrbfHQNI4fT5VmYOwWdOKd-4m9IpfOKcNdiUgnNs9JF5hhd_R6KqpjrE77G/s400/IMG_8615.JPG" width="187" /></a></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
</div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
</div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
</div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
</div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
</div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
</div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
</div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
</div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Kelsie and I were at odds with each other. </span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">I am most definitely an introvert and she is</span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;"> an extrovert which meant she had the desire to be around someone CONSTANTLY. And I didn’t have anyone who
would babysit her for long. After just a few sessions, the babysitter would
quit. I had a couple mom friends that would take her for play dates, but that didn't last, either. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Getting an entire week away
from her was extremely helpful. I didn’t realize now that my mother was doing
the same things to Kelsie that she had done to me. And because of that, I now
fear that Kelsie has PTSD issues from emotional abuse. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">In 1995, my dad had a
silent heart attack at work. Because he wasn’t getting enough oxygen to his
brain, he wasn’t thinking clearly and decided to climb a telephone pole without
his hard hat on. He was caught and his boss fired him. She had been looking for
some excuse to fire him anyway. Dad went to the doctor, got diagnosed, and
fought the firing. He won, but his work career was over because his health
started to decline. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">I don’t have many
journal entries about my folks until 1998. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Contact by phone was
limited because long distance was expensive. And it was a 3 hour drive to their
house. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYl6-7qF_QmI6iV7IBseZljE1BxfQP-_lQARicquNyCppVKT916loqodBQpem7V3n1De3WiUL-5-iBDNiOQG6LRkRWikIRpD0YxCGtWApDM9zQHEQYRAPSR0rQfAl9jbsSsRY4hoWKJLxu/s1600/IMG_8616.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="312" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYl6-7qF_QmI6iV7IBseZljE1BxfQP-_lQARicquNyCppVKT916loqodBQpem7V3n1De3WiUL-5-iBDNiOQG6LRkRWikIRpD0YxCGtWApDM9zQHEQYRAPSR0rQfAl9jbsSsRY4hoWKJLxu/s320/IMG_8616.JPG" width="320" /></a></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Characteristics of a
narcissistic mother</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/characteristics-of-narcissistic-mothers.html<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">1. Everything she does
is deniable</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">2. She violates your
boundaries</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">3. She favoritizes</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">4. She undermines</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">5. She demeans,
criticizes and denigrates</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">6. She makes you look
crazy.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">7. She's envious</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">8. She's a liar in too
many ways to count.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">9. She has to be the
center of attention all the time.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">10. She manipulates
your emotions in order to feed on your pain.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">11. She's selfish and
willful.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">12. She's
self-absorbed.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">13. She is insanely
defensive and is extremely sensitive to any criticism.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">14. She terrorized.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">15. She's infantile and
petty.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">16. She's aggressive
and shameless.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">17. She
"parentifies."</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">18. She's exploitative.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">19. She projects.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">20. She is never wrong
about anything.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">21. She seems to have
no awareness that other people even have feelings.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">22. She blames.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">23. She destroys your
relationships.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">24. As a last resort
she goes pathetic.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span>Goofiernuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15105779598281452926noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1464273116724604199.post-75516552106566724262016-06-03T11:59:00.001-07:002021-09-18T12:43:39.117-07:00FREEDOM!!!<span style="font-size: large;"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
</span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDIm9TAPnP7hns623Gm1UyYKDs1ddo9-6Z8_xI4XFQH5q8Ds82C6ajcziqrQZEbxpSsL5GKO1UG9JK7y0lmkvIev7F5ympEqqZ0eFNjEy7BChlBots73OVUwdufcPIFPdptopOOeWcTY32/s1600/thinkaboutme_400w.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="345" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDIm9TAPnP7hns623Gm1UyYKDs1ddo9-6Z8_xI4XFQH5q8Ds82C6ajcziqrQZEbxpSsL5GKO1UG9JK7y0lmkvIev7F5ympEqqZ0eFNjEy7BChlBots73OVUwdufcPIFPdptopOOeWcTY32/s400/thinkaboutme_400w.jpg" width="400" /></a></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">July 8, 1989</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Hi. I'm bored outta my
gourd. Mom and Dad are in Moses and I'm locked up here. Damn! If only my car
wasn't acting up. I think it just needs the oil changed and to be run a
little more often than it is. If it was running okay and the folks hadn't told
me to stay home, I'd be down in the Tri-Cities right now.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">July 17, 1989 </span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Howdy. Boy what a day!
I am TIRED. I was rudely awakened by my mom and told to watch the neighbors so
I decided to get up and get some things done. I fixed my bike then mowed the
lawn for dad. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">Aug 20, 1989</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">(preface- a male friend
of mine offered to let me move in with him)</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Jean seems to think
that Ma "will in the end help" me. I kind get the feeling that she'll
want to disown me for moviing in with a guy. I wish I could tell her about my
moving now, so I can start packing and stuff. But I want to have everything
ready cause I know what she'll pull. "You don't have this done, so you
can't move just yet!" I know she'll try to keep me here. And I don't want
to stay. If she won't let me go, I'll just have to leave. I know it will break
her heart, but if it's what I have to do to get out, I guess I'll do it. But I
will try to talk to her first and if she won't listen, then I'll just write her
and dad a nice letter and leave of my own accord. But I want to get started
packing and stuff.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">Aug 28, 1989 </span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">If I could, I'd call
and see about the job. But I know that when that call shows up on the phone
bill, Ma will freak. I wish she would understand that I want out. ASAP! But
I've tried talking with her. And she just won't listen! It's driving me CRAZY!
Oh, well. I'll find a way out. I always have.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">Sept 3, 1989 </span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">I just might be moving
to Pasco. It's a studio apartment, upstairs, with a garbage disposal and
furniture if I want. It's $165 a month, though. I'm not too sure if I can
afford that much a month. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Okay, I figured it out:
If I get a job at minitmum wage, $3.85 per hour, and work 6 days a week, and
there's 4 weeks in a month, then I'd make about $650 or more a month. And I
would pay Ma and Pa $25 every month for two years to pay off Jr. (my car).</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">I think I'm gonna go
for it.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">I really need to get
out on my own. And Ma isn't having a cow or anything... yet! I'm gonna go for
it! :) </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">Sept 13, 1989 </span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">I got the apartment!
The first of October AND the manager of Arby's called.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">Sept 17, 1989 </span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Life's going pretty
good. I quit "Spuds", school starts tomorrow, I'm going to check
about my apartment, and Arby's has called twice. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">Sept 20, 1989 </span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">I start work at Arby's
Thursday at 10:30am. In other words... I'm hired!</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">Sept 22, 1989</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">I can't believe that I
am actually moving out. It's just too hard to believe. Next weekend, I'm gonna
be arranging my very own apartment and actually living on my own. Wow. Ma is
really screwed up about it: one day she'll be real eager that I'm finally gonna
be out of her hair and the next day she'll be a real bitch about it. Well, to
tell the truth, her moods can change in just a couple of minutes. It's crazy.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">Oct 6, 1989 </span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Hi. I just got off
work. Mrs. Morris (the landlady) called Wednesday to say that I could start
moving my stuff in. And yesterday ma and I brought a load each. I'm spending
the night here cause it's so late. I'm tired.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">-------------------------------------</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGcRM2V6-lI7Zxhyphenhyphen98G8f2vKLKdv7JojXjlCFPYfCmJgU0gKZ3b8c7MdXv7LznoX7NPqy3wtF2B4aSu64qQdOOLe3uMfHU7dd1hEpDxV9FdMV-GK2hdnF1QYQ5KpZzJnkOrZvcJFSo3UuP/s1600/paranoid+narc.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="343" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGcRM2V6-lI7Zxhyphenhyphen98G8f2vKLKdv7JojXjlCFPYfCmJgU0gKZ3b8c7MdXv7LznoX7NPqy3wtF2B4aSu64qQdOOLe3uMfHU7dd1hEpDxV9FdMV-GK2hdnF1QYQ5KpZzJnkOrZvcJFSo3UuP/w490-h343/paranoid+narc.jpg" width="490" /></a></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">On July 17th </span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">I was "rudely awakened by my mom and told to watch the neighbors</span>"<br />Her paranoia was rearing it's head. I didn't go into details in my journal about what the neighbors were supposedly doing. According to her, they would play music loud just to drive her crazy. Or park a foot into our driveway. Heck, just parking in front of our house NOT blocking a driveway was cause for a screaming fit. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
</div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;"></span><p><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></p><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
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</div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKwkvpJnR_BsSNkmrueUgoej6CRUQePhxtpKHzbIIfhXdDs9fz9y_KXSOYQ8KM1xVaTjrLA7itSSV9wIZK0jlCT3UwlcH9AD7LESoMtIyoo4hbWHZJ0VQuLaKz9q9lviMyi07fNRBGU6Sd/s1600/Survive-With-a-Narcissistic-Mother-Step-04.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="311" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKwkvpJnR_BsSNkmrueUgoej6CRUQePhxtpKHzbIIfhXdDs9fz9y_KXSOYQ8KM1xVaTjrLA7itSSV9wIZK0jlCT3UwlcH9AD7LESoMtIyoo4hbWHZJ0VQuLaKz9q9lviMyi07fNRBGU6Sd/w415-h311/Survive-With-a-Narcissistic-Mother-Step-04.jpg" width="415" /> </a></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
</div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><u><i><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">She actually let me
move out!!! <br /></span></b></i></u></span></div><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Why? Two reasons:<br />
1.) SHE got to pick the place</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;"><br />
2.) She set it up with Mrs. Morris to spy on me. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;"><br />
How do I know this? </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">I was in Mrs. Morris’s apartment paying rent when my mother
called her. My mother has a very loud voice, so I could hear her easily. She
said something along the lines that she’d been calling my place for the last
ten minutes and there was no answer. “Is Heidi’s car there?” Mrs. Morris looked
out her living room window and said that she couldn’t see my car, that someone
else was parked in the spot I normally park in. Sh<span>e suggested</span> that I may have
parked further down in the parking lot where she couldn’t see from her window. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">My mother then insisted that Mrs. Morris go outside to look for my car!! </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Mrs.
Morris refused saying that she was helping a tenant who was there to pay rent,
have a nice day and she hung up. She didn’t mention that I was there. I asked
her how many times a day does my mother call… and she said three or four. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">I’m pretty sure Mrs.
Morris was happy when I moved out.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnOrwCsOeAH_DfWr4QZ9Eq_72s0TfZWbSBpgVx1kfgT_LKgL4OHOs8MzTKtm833VlFEEgzPxDvJKPyFOcwOMoVnsObaBzb-00vC__9BPJ1vr4oksTrNXA21AGrE58BjWuO-c5Ca8XeKoc3/s1600/apartment.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="302" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnOrwCsOeAH_DfWr4QZ9Eq_72s0TfZWbSBpgVx1kfgT_LKgL4OHOs8MzTKtm833VlFEEgzPxDvJKPyFOcwOMoVnsObaBzb-00vC__9BPJ1vr4oksTrNXA21AGrE58BjWuO-c5Ca8XeKoc3/s640/apartment.jpg" width="640" /></a></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span>Goofiernuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15105779598281452926noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1464273116724604199.post-81928958893855307862016-06-03T11:44:00.002-07:002021-09-18T12:41:45.716-07:00The apron strings tighten<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjR-rFKnsiS7zQP-Zrrbd9YuSx3f_pnPSYrStIdLdqgrnNNg76DTs9dVCSNJsKKunDp2bt0inyM7L58DnCsDQZhuNcnH59MBxqsgCwLFPZSeDTGWxkHrpB3TBwd6e9Lohyphenhyphen0Sl814W0PJAoS/s1600/selfish-people.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="521" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjR-rFKnsiS7zQP-Zrrbd9YuSx3f_pnPSYrStIdLdqgrnNNg76DTs9dVCSNJsKKunDp2bt0inyM7L58DnCsDQZhuNcnH59MBxqsgCwLFPZSeDTGWxkHrpB3TBwd6e9Lohyphenhyphen0Sl814W0PJAoS/w521-h521/selfish-people.png" width="521" /></a></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
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</span><div class="MsoNormal">
</div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">Feb 20, 1989 </span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">I'm grounded. Debbie
brought Darwin (her boyfriend) over to my
house last night and we sat and watched TV. Earlier we had gone to the bowling
alley to play pool (most of the time I played pinball) and dad had told me
nowhere but there. Well, I didn't know that Debbie also wanted me to pick him
up. I got grounded for that. Stupid, huh? Now I'm not allowed to go anywhere
with Deb "ever again". I can't believe it. Less than a month from my 19th
birthday and I'm grounded. It ain't FAIR! Deb is the only friend I have left
here and now I can't even go places with her. I can not WAIT to move out! But
til then... I guess I'll just have to suffer. Y'know, I think the folks are
tightening their grips again.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">June 3, 1989 </span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">I'm tired. I took Josh
and Trav to graduation last night. And I have another sitting job lined up for
tonight, which mom wants me to cancel. But I NEED the money. All I have left is
$37. That's it. And after that's gone, that's it, no more. I really need to get
a job and find my own place. If I don't get out soon, I'm gonna go crazy. Mom
keeps tightening her strings. And I'm about to die from strangulation. I have
GOT to find a decent place to live, a good paying job and a halfway decent car
so I can quietly move out. Something tells me that that's the only way I will
be able to get out. Sigh. I thought parents were supposed to be HAPPY about
finally getting rid of their kids, not scheming to try to keep them.
I think ma has a serious problem. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">June 8, 1989 </span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Y'know, I don't believe
that mom is ever gonna let go. It's really driving me crazy.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">7:14pm</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">I wish (I wish! I
wish!!! But they never come true!!) that she would try to understand.
But NO MATTER WHAT!!! I AM moving out in September. I'm gonna work my
butt off to earn enough money to get my own place. But then I'll have to find a
job in Tri-Cities.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">June 21, 1989</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">I keep thinking about
the phrase I wrote on the cover: "A wish is a desire without an
attempt." I wish I could move to Tri-Cities but if I make the attempt, Mom
will get mad. *Sigh!* There's no winning no matter what I do. Too bad I don't
still have to go to Pasco every day. I miss going every day. If I was there, I
could call this number and check it out. I doubt the folks would let me do it
long distance and if it didn't work out, the number would still be on the bill
and Mom would give me the third degree about it. Why can't she just let me
go?!? She wants to get rid of me so badly but she WON'T LET GO!!! Why couldn't
I have been born to a more understanding mom? Why does she have to
make it so hard on me. It's slowing droving me CRAZY! But what can I Do? If I
don't try for it, I'm a lazy bum. If I do try for it, I'm a big meanie who
doesn't love my mommy and daddy. I GIVE UP!</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">June 22, 1989 </span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">ARGH! I wish I could
call about the house keeping job! I think it would be good for me, I could get
OUT of Othello, WA. But would Mom let me move? I doubt it. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">July 5, 1989 </span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">I've GOT to get out.
They're both driving me crazy. And now my car is acting funny so I couldn't
just load up a bunch of my stuff and leave. I just can't seem to get out of
this rut that they keep pulling me into. I NEED to get out of Othello. If it
wasn't for school, I'd go live with Cortina, but since she might be moving
to Hawaii with her cousins... that's out. If I could just find a
live in housekeeping job... but I'd have to call long distance. And I
know that as soon as mom finds out, she'll try to tell me that it's not a good
idea. I hate her! I hate her for always trying to keep me here. I am
NOT her slave. But how can I get out? Without money, it's
almost impossible. And with a busted down car, it's even more impossible.
I feel like a prisoner. What am I saying?!? I AM a prisoner! There's
no way out!</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">1:52pm</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">I want to do something
that I'd be happy with. But she just can't understand that. I try and she
shoots me down. I went and applied for that job at Cabana (motel) and the lady
told me that they might have to hire someone else since I'll be going back to school
in Sept. I need to get a job in the Tri-cities. That way I can go to school and
still work. But mom is so damn selfish. She wants me to stay here in the
Hell-hole. Why can't she just let me go? WHY?!?!</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">----------------</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">I wasn’t allowed to
call long distance. If a number showed up on the bill, guess what? Yup.
Grounded. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">And once classes were
over and it was summer break, I was once again forced to stay home. I looked
around for a job in town, but once they figured out that I would be quitting in
September to go back to college, they weren’t interested. I wound up working
out at Bruce again, packaging potatoes. $3.35 an hour, time and a half if it
went into over time. And there was quite a bit of over time. I managed to make
about $3,000 that summer, enough to move out.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">And guess who wasn’t
happy about that?</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">My mother most
definitely was NOT wanting me to move out. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span>Goofiernuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15105779598281452926noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1464273116724604199.post-2040371684561339822016-06-03T09:42:00.003-07:002021-09-18T12:40:49.304-07:00Still in her clutches<span style="font-size: large;"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">December 30, 1988</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Boy I am so mad I can
spit bullets! I'm gonna have to wait until next weekend to move, probably (because
Debra has already left), I'm sicker than a cow.<br />
I'm getting pissed off at her <maxine>!!! She won't make the kids behave
and they are totally demolishing the house. They keep coming in here and I'm
getting VERY disgusted!! Dammit! Max KNEW that those kids were sick, but she
came anyhow. She also knew that I was trying to move before the 3rd. But she
still came. She came in here yesterday and asked me "Aren't you supposed
to be moved before the 3rd?" I told her "Yes, but before I move I
have to take care of all the paperwork. That's what we were planning on taking
care of this weekend, the paperwork." </maxine></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">Jan 2, 1989</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Mom and Dad don't think
that I should move yet.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;"><later></later></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Well, so much for that.
I tried to talk it over with my mom again... I guess you can figure out what
she said.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">Feb 1, 1989 </span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">I HATE that bitch! She
absolutely REFUSES that I go to school today! Well, whoopee fucking do! If I
could, I'd take my car. But I think dad took the damn thing to work. Mom (the
BITCH) won't let me use her car, "No way in hell!" But
Mommy dear, you bitch, we aren't in hell. It's 20 degrees below zero, how
CAN we be in Hell? You bitch.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">I wish I had went ahead
and moved.<br />
I'd have more time for drama (In other words, I could try out for plays!) and
also, I wouldn't have to put up with the bitch whenever the weather got a
little cold. I'd be right there close, and there wouldn't be ANY excuse not to
go except that I might be sick. I wish Max had never come. I'd be down there by
now and I wouldn't have to live with this bitch who thinks she knows every
fucking thing there is to know. I wouldn't have to listen to her "OH MY
GOD! it is SO BAD out there!" And it's only cloudy.<br />
Shit, if I stayed home every fucking time it was cloudy, I'd NEVER make it.
It's all her fault I'm missing today. If she had just let me move... I wouldn't
be here. The BITCH. I hate her fucking guts. It's not even that bad outside. So
it's snowing. Big deal. I can't let a few measly snowflakes ruin my life. Here
she comes (the bitch). I think I'll try to lose myself in a book. Either that,
or I could kill the bitch. I wonder if I could finish college from prison?</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">Feb 3, 1989 </span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">I'll kill her before
the weekend is over if she doesn't chill out. I SWEAR it! I haven't been to
school since Tuesday. One more day and I'll be dropped. Mom doesn't think it's
any big deal; that I could just start all over. But it's not that easy. I'd
have to pay back the financial aid AND pay for next quarter myself. I don't
have that kind of money. If I did, I wouldn't be worried about financial aid.
Y'know, I think mom would be HAPPY if I dropped out of school, or was kicked
out. She would absolutely LOVE it!! She always has been jealous of me. I HATE
it when she gets so darn jealous of me. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">Feb 5, 1989 </span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Well, it looks like I
get to go to school tomorrow. FINALLY! I can't WAIT!</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">The thing of it is: Mom
doesn't want me to work. If I keep taking days off, they're gonna fire me. Then
I'll have to search around for another job. She just doesn't understand the
importance of a job. She thinks I can survive on nothing. I wish it were true.
Save me some money! But it's not true. By far! But what am I to do? Nothing.
Because as long as I'm living under her roof, I have to abide by her rules.
Boy, I can't WAIT to move out! IF she ever lets me. I came so close this last
time. But thanks to Max and the stooges, that chance is long gone. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">Feb 6, 1989 </span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Oh, why can't mom
realize that I'm not a child anymore? I should be able to make MY OWN
decisions! But she won't let me and it's beginning to piss me off. She doesn't
realize how important that job is to me. She wants me to take another week off!
I couldn't believe it when she said last night, "Now, you are to get right
home after your last class! None of this working or fooling around." I
wish so much that I could move out. But I know she's not going to let me, now.
I will be forever stuck in her clutches. It's hopeless. If I ever get married,
she'll probably move in with us... I wouldn't put it past her to want
to sleep in the same room!<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">-------------------</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHfEmOUwhPzowe6NMkXZ10jDtEma8cop8gorp5dhhKDs1m5Mb0jU-In76Zti5w3vZb-VGQ9Yp-DkHkVqzMgHcBzUfE_DMeGomzuF4plXJaiQTMv97f8Jk3zFIfmmCkJuvNvTCcQUn2135N/s1600/Narcissistic+Mother%2527s+Flying+Monkeys+quote+by+Gail+Meyers.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="377" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHfEmOUwhPzowe6NMkXZ10jDtEma8cop8gorp5dhhKDs1m5Mb0jU-In76Zti5w3vZb-VGQ9Yp-DkHkVqzMgHcBzUfE_DMeGomzuF4plXJaiQTMv97f8Jk3zFIfmmCkJuvNvTCcQUn2135N/w498-h377/Narcissistic+Mother%2527s+Flying+Monkeys+quote+by+Gail+Meyers.jpg" width="498" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Hindsight being 20/20,
I now realize that it was probably my mother's doing that Maxine and the Three
Stooges came to stay with us that weekend. Yes, Maxine knew that I needed to
get things lined up to move out, but our mother convinced her to come as an
excuse to avoid my moving. And Maxine, being in the same narcissist’s web, had
to do as she was told/demanded to stay on the good side of our mother. She was a flying monkey.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEb1A-Z740PaaIuBqyPrmNXCb2G0r9SNI6Us7tlHU3NoO_98Y2TdfgLsormeQGoqkpj6RkpnaM4KetwDYluFHLcZZekDcFBLIXkgLIUjvyfdWRZJT4MocHHcglDcXcTaaIl_88prxKkqVO/s1600/13233134_822362611232910_5417301630199079393_n.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="463" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEb1A-Z740PaaIuBqyPrmNXCb2G0r9SNI6Us7tlHU3NoO_98Y2TdfgLsormeQGoqkpj6RkpnaM4KetwDYluFHLcZZekDcFBLIXkgLIUjvyfdWRZJT4MocHHcglDcXcTaaIl_88prxKkqVO/w463-h463/13233134_822362611232910_5417301630199079393_n.jpg" width="463" /></a></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">In the last blog entry
I started to explain how my mother would find excuses for me to not go to college.
Feb 1st of 1989, Othello was hit with a snow storm. It was decently bad, I will
admit that. But it was localized. The weather reports from Tri-Cities didn't
mention snow. When I did finally get to go back to school on Feb 6th, the snow
line was at Scootney Park, a whopping 12 miles outside of town.<br />
</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">When I tried to explain
to my teachers that I had been snowed in and that my mother wouldn't let me
leave the house, they looked at me in disbelief. One teacher scoffed at me and
said, "You let you mother rule your life? GROW UP!" I thought to
myself, "You don't know my mother."</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">My mother didn't like
that I also had a job through Work Study/Financial Aid. She insisted that I
skip work to get home as soon as my last class was done. Not only did that mess
up my Financial Aid, I didn't have time to use the college resources to do my
school work nor did I have time to talk to teachers for some extra help. I suck
at math and algebra is NOT my friend. I barely passed that class because I
couldn't talk to the teacher for extra help or get extra tutoring. I would tell
my mother this, but she INSISTED that I get home "so I don't worry!"</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">She would have loved it
if I had thrown in the towel with college. I stuck with it, though, because I
knew there was nothing in my hometown for me. I didn't want to be stuck in a
minimum wage dead-end job that went no where. I wanted more education, more
training, more LIFE. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">
<i><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“A narcissistic mother wants complete and
total control over her daughter’s life, especially when the daughter is at the
point in life when she wants to establish independence and autonomy. Her
narcissistic mother will sabotage her daughter’s freedom any chance she can.
She is ruthless and relentless.”</span></i></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">“There are different
ways narcissistic mothers keep their daughters dependent on them to maintain
this source of narcissistic supply. Below are two common tactics of the
narcissistic parent.”</span></i></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">“Parentification:
The narcissistic mother expects her daughter to take care of her when it should
be the other way around. The daughter is made to feel responsible for the
mother’s physical and emotional needs. These needs can range from an unfair
share of cooking and cleaning to playing therapist while her mother talks about
her relationships, sex life, and other issues. These are much bigger roles than
any child should have to take on, but a narcissistic mother does not care. She
only cares about her own wants and needs.”</span></i></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">“Infantilization:
Never being allowed to explore her own autonomy, her daughter is kept
vulnerable, naive, and scared of the world and being on his or her own. A
narcissistic mother will brainwash her child into thinking the world is a cruel
place in which one would never be able to survive on one’s own. This leads a
child to never feel safe and fear leaving the support of the narcissistic
mother, even though they may be miserable.”</span></i></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">http://www.narcissisticmother.com/daughters-of-narcissistic-mothers</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">My mother was more in
the “Infantilization” camp. She most definitely did NOT want me to move out. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi40r3O0Vw_KTOFTP_-ER_fWJNQub5ae641VKU-tX-geSbBizqqveEKswPnXH2Kt3QDWn7XAK4BeT-wX0s4bXd5lWuM2Bo1n96uA4A7ROmuIpSmL2osSUDq-wxtkloeiNR1RxHvGeypIAY8/s1600/gretel-ella-smith.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="364" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi40r3O0Vw_KTOFTP_-ER_fWJNQub5ae641VKU-tX-geSbBizqqveEKswPnXH2Kt3QDWn7XAK4BeT-wX0s4bXd5lWuM2Bo1n96uA4A7ROmuIpSmL2osSUDq-wxtkloeiNR1RxHvGeypIAY8/w522-h364/gretel-ella-smith.jpg" width="522" /></a></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span>Goofiernuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15105779598281452926noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1464273116724604199.post-49221603291983826922016-06-03T09:30:00.003-07:002021-09-18T12:39:20.189-07:00Cemeteries and Spies<span style="font-size: large;"><!--[if !mso]>
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<br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">September, 5, 1988
10:38 pm</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">I can't wait til I can
get my own place. Mom and Dad were getting on my case because Jean and I went
for a walk. We left around 5:00 pm and didn't get back until 7:45 pm
or so. I had hoped that the folks were starting to realize that I'm
old enough to more or less be "on my own". Well, my dream was
shattered today.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">Sept 16, 1988 5:52
pm</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">I can't wait until I
start <<i>college</i>> because mom doesn't know anyone there she can ask
to spy on me. But, give her credit and time, she'll find someone. I wish I
could afford my own place. Mom has really been getting on my case lately. She
expects me to be so damn perfect. I wouldn't be so screwed up about leaving
home if it weren't for her. Thanks, mom! I've got to find a VERY good hiding
place for this. If she were to ever get a hold of it, she'd probably send me to
a Christian Girl's School.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">November, 13, 1988
6:02 pm</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">God, I hate my mom
right now. I lost the gas cap to my car and she's having a cow. I feel so sorry
for my dad right now. He's having to listen to her gripe. See, I'm supposed to
take my car to school tomorrow <<i>college was an hour drive away</i>> so
mom can have her car to meet Max in Moses Lake. I feel so awful, though. She
doesn't think it will make it without a gas cap. Dad put the bottom part of a
pop can on it and it seems to be working. Just for tomorrow it should be okay.
We went out looking for it, but couldn't find it anywhere. Yep, she's still
complaining. I'm in my room with my headphones turned up to almost full blast
so I can't hear her unless I take them off.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">November, 27, 1988
8:17 pm</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Ya know, I really do
think my mom is jealous of me. I think she WOULD like me to quit school <<i>college</i>>.
But I'm not going to. No way!</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">Decemebr 5, 1988
8:11 am</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Oh, God, what a day
today is going to be. I will REALLY be shocked if mom and I don't kill each
other by the end of the day. I should be about 15 miles away from Pasco right
now. But thanks to the weather, I get to put up with my sweet mommy for the
day. Oh, God, get me OUT of this house!! PLEASE !!! I can't STAND listening to
her one more time: "I even called the police station, and they said it is
REALLY bad out there!!!!" Arrggghhhh!!!!! <<i>It was snowing, and she
didn’t think I should go to school, though my Dad went to work in it.></i></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">December 10, 1988
8:05 am</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Well, we're going to
see my (hopefully) future home. I think Mom is in a bad mood, but at least Jean
is going. She'll help keep the peace.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">6:47 pm</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">I think I should go for
it. Mom didn't like it <<i>the apartment</i>> because it wasn't very
clean (it needs a good vacuuming) and because of this and because of that; you
know how mom is. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Uh oh, Mom is
"discussing" with Dad again. She wants me to be closer to school yet
she doesn't want her baby to move out either. It's times like these when I hate
her. Why did I have to have mom for a mother? And why can't she just quietly
let go. Because I am the youngest. I have to learn how to live on my own
somehow. And why can't she let me fulfill my dreams? Because she
never had hers come true? It's not MY fault she was married and pregnant at the
ripe old age of 15.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">_____________________________</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">My mother had spies all
through out town. How do I know this? People talked. How did I avoid it?
Easy... go where there are no eyes: My haunting ground was the cemetery. Good
old <i>Bess Hampton Memorial Garden</i>. Hardly anyone ever went out there.
Most thought it was creepy to hang out there. Not me. It was quiet, cool in the
shade and no one bothered me.<br />
Mostly I would sit on my Papa's grave and either read a library book or write
in my journal.<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
</div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-gLEuchyphenhyphenJ-al0bAKob8b-QqpzyhAu0myNW7EktpyMAryETTMYp4nWBj0fWKtrvrNrAx9Tx1uJHYv6_2YzRO8f54uUTDpFqbMCr8JBV-XFhXcPlWGYjtbMwGQK-wCPKtuvQXlbX0lKe1MC/s1600/PapaHeadstone.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-gLEuchyphenhyphenJ-al0bAKob8b-QqpzyhAu0myNW7EktpyMAryETTMYp4nWBj0fWKtrvrNrAx9Tx1uJHYv6_2YzRO8f54uUTDpFqbMCr8JBV-XFhXcPlWGYjtbMwGQK-wCPKtuvQXlbX0lKe1MC/s320/PapaHeadstone.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;"><br />
To get out to the cemetery unnoticed, I would take a round about route. I
mostly knew who the spies were, where they lived, their schedule, etc. It
wasn't hard to know all this in a town of about 5,000 people.<br />
<br />
So I lost the gas cap to my Gremlin. How many other people have lost the gas
cap? Quite a few. Did the car blow up? No. Was I able to get a new one? Yes.
Was it the end of the world? According to my mother it was. Again, she took it
personally, as if I did it on purpose, just to make her life miserable. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFdqbJ6dk5i5NoKziCs5a3TA96LPByD9J2V6XIAXS6M_c-An9hRUJiYAHYpF3Lqbabk26saiMPjyHcK_PbucDomgQBc8dngSy0aYtM9d3dB7qwGAYX7d3VdCkkDICEhAVYIZtceMMfDvEl/s1600/CBC.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="208" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFdqbJ6dk5i5NoKziCs5a3TA96LPByD9J2V6XIAXS6M_c-An9hRUJiYAHYpF3Lqbabk26saiMPjyHcK_PbucDomgQBc8dngSy0aYtM9d3dB7qwGAYX7d3VdCkkDICEhAVYIZtceMMfDvEl/s320/CBC.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
</div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">She hated that I drove
an hour to college and would find reasons to keep me home. She hated that
I was going to college!<br />
"It's raining too hard!"<br />
"It's snowing too hard!"<br />
"It's below freezing!"<br />
"It's too windy!"</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">What she didn't
understand was that Tri-Cities didn't necessarily have the same weather going
on. She would look outside, see three snowflakes and declare that the entire
eastern side of the state was in a blizzard, when in reality, 7 miles out of
town, there wasn't any snow. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">In the next post,
you'll see what I'm talking about.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">I was so screwed up
about moving out on my own. I knew I didn't have all the skills needed to move
out (I barely knew how to cook and run the washer because she wouldn't let me
do those chores), but I also knew I needed to get AWAY from her.<br />
At first, when I set up appointments to go look at places, she would sabotage
it. <br />She would “forget” that we had an appointment. So I’d make another
appointment. <br />
Then she would get sick. So I’d make another appointment.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">She would call around
asking anyone if they needed me to babysit and schedule me at the same time as
the appointment. So I’d make another appointment.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">And her last ditch
effort was to invite people over. <see 30="" dec="" entry="" journal="" the=""> <br />
After that, she knew she couldn’t get out of it. <br />
BUT, no matter what place we went to look at for my future home, it just was
not good enough.<br />
"I don't want you to have roommates!"<br />
"This place is FILTHY!"<br />
"I saw a spider web! I bet that place is INFESTED with bugs!"<br />
"That place didn't have (a washer/dryer, dishwasher, AC, carpeting,
etc)!"<br />
"I didn't like the looks of the neighborhood!"<br />
"It's too far away from the college!"</see></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Looking back, I can see
she was jealous. She had a baby at 15, 17 and 18 and was divorced by 21. If she
treated her first husband the same way she treated me, I can understand why he
left. It's tough to live with someone who nit picks you to death.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;"><br />
She had to grow up and FAST. A mother can't be selfish; the baby has to come
first most of the time. She never got the chance to be a teenager. So when I
hit 15, she just did NOT understand me. She lived vicariously through me,
seeing everything that she missed- hanging out with friends, going to parties,
living a mostly carefree life. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;"><br />
At one point, she lamented that she never graduated. So I offered to help her
get her GED. I don't remember where I got the study books from, but two pages
in, she threw it down and declared she was just too stupid. I felt pity for her.
And frustration. Dad was the one that taught me to not give up when it got
tough. I didn't learn that from her. I'm just glad I didn't learn how to give
up from her. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Thank you, Dad, for
teaching me to persevere and not give up when the going got tough. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">If it weren't for him,
I would probably still be living at home, under her thumb. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Characteristics of a
narcissistic mother</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/characteristics-of-narcissistic-mothers.html<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">1. Everything she does
is deniable</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">2. She violates your
boundaries</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">3. She favoritizes</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">4. She undermines</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">5. She demeans,
criticizes and denigrates</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">6. She makes you look
crazy.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">7. She's envious</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">8. She's a liar in too
many ways to count.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">9. She has to be the
center of attention all the time.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">10. She manipulates
your emotions in order to feed on your pain.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">11. She's selfish and
willful.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">12. She's
self-absorbed.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">13. She is insanely
defensive and is extremely sensitive to any criticism.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">14. She terrorized.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">15. She's infantile and
petty.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">16. She's aggressive
and shameless.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">17. She
"parentifies."</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">18. She's exploitative.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">19. She projects.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">20. She is never wrong
about anything.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">21. She seems to have
no awareness that other people even have feelings.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">22. She blames.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">23. She destroys your
relationships.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">24. As a last resort
she goes pathetic.</span><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_lBYcNwABlT9xXrxkjSML7a6EhGVf1plqr48atTUQx4IstF3P04JSqxDs0YtR5v6WwWvYPEPeqR6VPOyY4tHgN9r9YhZ8ZtHsyyilELsmtQOFZWMHj_jyj0QEvTBRWHNYF3lGyIj0-MMo/s1600/72e890ec6bf8ba1d3fdf66ade7828472.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="501" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_lBYcNwABlT9xXrxkjSML7a6EhGVf1plqr48atTUQx4IstF3P04JSqxDs0YtR5v6WwWvYPEPeqR6VPOyY4tHgN9r9YhZ8ZtHsyyilELsmtQOFZWMHj_jyj0QEvTBRWHNYF3lGyIj0-MMo/w501-h501/72e890ec6bf8ba1d3fdf66ade7828472.jpg" width="501" /></a></span></div>
</div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span>Goofiernuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15105779598281452926noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1464273116724604199.post-15682451476338026702016-06-02T10:26:00.001-07:002021-09-18T12:36:32.489-07:00No one to talk to<span style="font-size: large;"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span face=""tahoma" , "sans-serif"" lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">Jan 1, 1988 7:52pm</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""tahoma" , "sans-serif"" lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">I wish I had someone to talk to about college and about getting
out on my own. I get so scared about graduation and I shouldn't be. And mom's
not really helping any by treating me like a 15 year old. She won't always be
able to go shopping with me, but she thinks that if she doesn't let me grow up,
it'll never happen. I don't know. I just don't know. I'm scared shitless about
growing up, Mom don't WANT me to grow up, I don't have anybody I can talk to
about my feelings... </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span face=""tahoma" , "sans-serif"" lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">Jan 14, 1988</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""tahoma" , "sans-serif"" lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">I am in such deep shit, it's a wonder I'm alive. Now I know why I
wanted school to be called off for Monday. I wrecked my car. I tried to go
through a snow bank and my front tires got stuck. Deb and I got out to dig the
tires out and this guy came up and said, "Here, let me give you
a push." I told him to wait until I get back in the car, but he didn't.
The car ran into Riiki's car. Mom is still pissed off. She chewed me out four
hours straight Monday, two and a half Tuesday and about an hour yesterday. She
didn't get near me today (thank God). I wish she would just realize that the
damage is done and there's no way to go back and fix it. Mom has got the whole
thing so exaggerated that is isn't funny. I feel like I'm grounded
for life (I probably am). I have to beg to go anywhere.
I'm surprised I don't get just bread and water for meals. I feel so
bad about it already, but mom still goes into hysterics. Like I told Deb, I
feel like a puppy that peed on the floor; Mom keeps rubbing my nose in it. I
hope I get to spend Sunday night at Melissa's. I also have the speech tourney
this weekend. Mom will probably tell me I have to stay home Sunday
and Monday (no school Monday). That would be just like her. It's times like
these that I HATE my own mother. I wish I could just tell her to fuck off
and leave me alone! </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span face=""tahoma" , "sans-serif"" lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">Jan 17, 1988</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""tahoma" , "sans-serif"" lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">I want to get out of this house. I asked if I could go
over to Melissa's and almost got my head chopped off. I'm thinking
about getting dressed and just going for a walk. But I don't know what mom and
dad would do. I guess I could try.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span face=""tahoma" , "sans-serif"" lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">April 4, 1988 12:43 pm</span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""tahoma" , "sans-serif"" lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Well, so far my spring break has been the pits. I can't
go anywhere or do anything. It's worse than being grounded. I refuse to help
with the kids. <<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">My niece and nephew
Angie and Willie were visiting</i>> I remember the last time they were over,
Mom was constantly on my ass. Now that I refuse to help her with
them, she's still on my ass. Damned if I do, damned if I don't. I never win.
Especially when they're here. When they're around, mom doesn't care what I
feel. I don't exist when they're here. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""tahoma" , "sans-serif"" lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">I guess she's pissed because I won't play with the kids. Tough
shit! I don't feel like playing with stupid Angie who pinches and
throws a tantrum when she doesn't get her way. I refuse! I, as of
now, quit the job of being babysitter. Just because my mom wants a
break. She wanted them over, therefore it's her job to take care of
them! I quit!</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">
<span face=""tahoma" , "sans-serif"" lang="EN-US" style="color: black;"> _________________________</span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""tahoma" , "sans-serif"" lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">When I crashed the car, I knew I would never hear the end of it.
And I didn't. She had a legitimate reason to chew me out and ground me and she
was HAPPY about that. In her mind she had proof that I was an awful kid. If I
was a good kid, I wouldn't have wrecked the car. And because she had this
proof, people started believing the other stories she told. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
<b>
</b><br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span face=""tahoma" , "sans-serif"" lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">3.</span><span face=""tahoma" , "sans-serif"" lang="EN-US" style="color: black;"> <i>She favoritizes.</i> <i>Narcissistic mothers
commonly choose one (sometimes more) child to be the golden child and one
(sometimes more) to be the scapegoat. The narcissist identifies with the golden
child and provides privileges to him or her as long as the golden child does
just as she wants. The golden child has to be cared for assiduously by everyone
in the family. The scapegoat has no needs and instead gets to do the caring.
The golden child can do nothing wrong. The scapegoat is always at fault.</i></span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;">
<i><span face=""tahoma" , "sans-serif"" lang="EN-US" style="color: black;"> </span></i><span face=""tahoma" , "sans-serif"" lang="EN-US" style="color: black;"> </span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span face=""tahoma" , "sans-serif"" lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">17.</span><span face=""tahoma" , "sans-serif"" lang="EN-US" style="color: black;"> <i>She "parentifies."</i> <i>She also
gave you tasks that were rightfully hers and should not have been placed on a
child. You may have been a primary caregiver for young siblings or an
incapacitated parent.</i> </span></b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12pt;">
<span face=""tahoma" , "sans-serif"" lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Whenever my nieces,
nephew or cousins were over, either I was forced to be babysitter or ignored
completely. As it said in the journal entry, she wanted me to come play
with the kids so she could have a break. When I did take care of them, I
couldn't do anything right. But if I left, locked myself in my room or
otherwise withdrew, I would get yelled at. I couldn't win. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12pt;">
<span face=""tahoma" , "sans-serif"" lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">This was especially frustrating because I actually adored my nieces, nephew and cousins. I tried to spend as much time as I could with them:</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12pt; text-align: center;">
<span face=""tahoma" , "sans-serif"" lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">My cousins Christina and Sherrie:<br /> </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCqEYdT9bIrfIsw7WaQW9dNT2xsXfCJgmQ07msDhe31ckDAkHO-APzt7gj4qz-K6fPBfjLZTxX0YHzOk2wPR2s-c6LYzfBaC18ECR8Il0vkz22xKC6Xj_btjUVUCjgu23Ut2QyQ1HIKq9F/s1600/IMG_8444.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="250" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCqEYdT9bIrfIsw7WaQW9dNT2xsXfCJgmQ07msDhe31ckDAkHO-APzt7gj4qz-K6fPBfjLZTxX0YHzOk2wPR2s-c6LYzfBaC18ECR8Il0vkz22xKC6Xj_btjUVUCjgu23Ut2QyQ1HIKq9F/s320/IMG_8444.JPG" width="320" /></a></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgY9Ml4ESB8DLDjC6fQg22ZcnrlIsOkNaHtN_1nVTKdwKpruvaAtWvtFN7MoG5ZMW9JQkWTbkdf4jLeDsMx9_sjKSLsdp__YtnVhXzrLOH-Bci1LSFoO2ax9ZsZDfENgi2kMQWAD5B6wEJU/s1600/IMG_8503.JPG"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgY9Ml4ESB8DLDjC6fQg22ZcnrlIsOkNaHtN_1nVTKdwKpruvaAtWvtFN7MoG5ZMW9JQkWTbkdf4jLeDsMx9_sjKSLsdp__YtnVhXzrLOH-Bci1LSFoO2ax9ZsZDfENgi2kMQWAD5B6wEJU/s320/IMG_8503.JPG" width="311" /></a> </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;">
My niece Marta:</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span face=""tahoma" , "sans-serif"" lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">My niece Angie:</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
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<span face=""tahoma" , "sans-serif"" lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">My nephew Wil:</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
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<span face=""tahoma" , "sans-serif"" lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Marta and Rebekah:</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
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<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMdUmEyZS8Mg_Kh4pJ4T1kJk2Ndip2bgnQYggS1g8QZcOUNDhpreu-vZY5ipfEzUbkZ9H9ezCL_VlEjFKfwTrHi711PUvrO1ftdBnFJB1kv6Sj2sf9C6wGQk4zoMgLku6C2Mjy7vRJALZL/s1600/IMG_8491.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMdUmEyZS8Mg_Kh4pJ4T1kJk2Ndip2bgnQYggS1g8QZcOUNDhpreu-vZY5ipfEzUbkZ9H9ezCL_VlEjFKfwTrHi711PUvrO1ftdBnFJB1kv6Sj2sf9C6wGQk4zoMgLku6C2Mjy7vRJALZL/s320/IMG_8491.JPG" width="319" /></a></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
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<span face=""tahoma" , "sans-serif"" lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">Jessica:</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
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<span face=""tahoma" , "sans-serif"" lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">The Three Stooges and The Munsters:</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
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<span face=""tahoma" , "sans-serif"" lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhP_BiOXmdtmsw_H3lPFSF6UWtxBOwtbdDtYNceWYNBH8vlnI03dStrVHwuFr9jtonn3LTs5CNXaXvgTIXaB8ikaS4sgsDWp1Jn08h7GPoaPoXBkdiEnTAqLss7hxxr4o_8_f_zYS3uL5d-/s1600/IMG_8511.JPG"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhP_BiOXmdtmsw_H3lPFSF6UWtxBOwtbdDtYNceWYNBH8vlnI03dStrVHwuFr9jtonn3LTs5CNXaXvgTIXaB8ikaS4sgsDWp1Jn08h7GPoaPoXBkdiEnTAqLss7hxxr4o_8_f_zYS3uL5d-/s320/IMG_8511.JPG" width="267" /></a></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span>Goofiernuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15105779598281452926noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1464273116724604199.post-106166810554477342016-06-02T09:33:00.001-07:002021-09-18T12:35:37.390-07:00The accusations continue<span style="font-size: large;"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""tahoma" , "sans-serif"" lang="EN-US" style="font-size: large;"><b>Oct
3, 1987 11:53pm</b><br />
Oh, great. I just got a poor work slip in Spanish class. I have trouble
remembering the words but mom thinks I'm goofing off in class. How the heck can
I goof off in class when I have no one in class to goof off WITH?!? I wish I
could get Senor to explain to them that I have troubles. But mom expects
me to be perfect and I'm NOT. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
<span face=""tahoma" , "sans-serif"" lang="EN-US" style="color: black;"><b>Oct
8, 1987 7:34pm</b><br />
I got a poor work slip in Spanish. Mom doesn't understand that
I'm trying my hardest. She expects me to be perfect... and I'm NOT!</span><br />
<br />
<span face=""tahoma" , "sans-serif"" lang="EN-US" style="color: black;"><b>Oct
15, 1987 6:15pm</b><br />
Oh, boy, you're gonna LOVE this one! Mom thinks I'm pregnant with
Keith's baby! Isn't that funny? Considering the farthest Keith and I went was
kissing. I heard them talking and mom said that I am several days
late with my period, which is true. As a matter of fact I think I'm a month
late. Oh, well, if she wants to think I would go that far with a guy I hardly even
know then let her! Besides, if I confront her with it, she won't believe me.
Does she EVER believe me? No.</span><br />
<br />
<span face=""tahoma" , "sans-serif"" lang="EN-US" style="color: black;"><b>Nov
9, 1987 8:50 pm</b><br />
Boy is mom ever in a pissy mood tonight! Why did I have to have her for a
mother anyway? She's really sweet when she wants to be, but she's also an
asshole when she gets in the mood. I guess I shouldn't have asked her for any
help for the play. She really doesn't want to help, so I tried to offer to sew
it myself. And she got all pissed off! Now how do you like them apples?!? ARGH!
Why ME? And she expects me to be so damned perfect!</span><br />
<span face=""tahoma" , "sans-serif"" lang="EN-US" style="color: black;"><b>10:34pm </b><br />
You know something? I think mom is jealous of me because I'm
finishing school and planning going to college. I wish she wasn't that way,
but... what can I do??</span><br />
<br />
<b>
</b><span face=""tahoma" , "sans-serif"" lang="EN-US" style="color: black;"><b>Nov
10, 1987 7:16pm</b><br />
Why does mom have to be so damned disagreeable? If I make one simple mistake,
she acts like it's the end of the world. If I forget something, I better watch
out. But if SHE forgets something, boy, it's just hunky-dorry. Why does she
expect me to be so perfect when SHE isn't? I can't wait until I move out. </span><br />
<span face=""tahoma" , "sans-serif"" lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">--------------------------------</span><br />
<br />
<span face=""tahoma" , "sans-serif"" lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">The
accusations continue about what I am doing at school. How would she know I was
goofing off in class when she wasn't even there? The first half of the
year I didn't have any friends in Spanish Class. And if I DID have a friend in
that class, Senor Rodriguez would have jumped for joy because a lot of his
curriculum was getting us to SPEAK the language. He WANTED us to talk in class.
I was getting poor grades because I didn't have anyone to talk to! The teacher
I had for first year Spanish didn't want us to talk in class, just do the
lessons in the book, which is why to this day I can read Spanish pretty well,
but I can't speak it. </span><br />
<br />
<span face=""tahoma" , "sans-serif"" lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">Yes,
she claimed I was pregnant. NEWSFLASH! I was still a VIRGIN.<br />
Did she believe me?<br />
<b>NO.</b></span><br />
<span face=""tahoma" , "sans-serif"" lang="EN-US" style="color: black;"> </span><br />
<br />
<i><span face=""tahoma" , "sans-serif"" lang="EN-US" style="color: black;"> <b>2. She
violates your boundaries. She keeps tabs on your bodily functions and
humiliates you by divulging the information she gleans, especially when it can
be used to demonstrate her devotion and highlight her martyrdom to your needs.
You have never known what it is like to have privacy in the bathroom or in your
bedroom, and she goes through your things regularly. She asks nosy questions,
snoops into your email/letters/diary/conversations.</b> </span></i><br />
<br />
<span face=""tahoma" , "sans-serif"" lang="EN-US" style="color: black;"> She
was always, ALWAYS wanting to know about my periods, bowel movements, anything
to do with my bodily functions. </span><br />
<br />
<span face=""tahoma" , "sans-serif"" lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">When
I was 13, before I started keeping a journal, I remember when I started my
period for the first time. This is a painful memory- bear with me.<br />
First off, she was NOT the one that taught me about menstruation and puberty.
No, I learned all that from a pamphlet handed out at school. And when I wanted
to talk about it, she would change the subject.</span><br />
<br />
<span face=""tahoma" , "sans-serif"" lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">
When I did actually start my period, I asked her for a pad. She went bonkers,
called the doctor and set up an appointment "just to make SURE!”</span><br />
<br />
<span face=""tahoma" , "sans-serif"" lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">At
the doctor's, she <u><i><b>INSISTED</b></i></u> he give me a pelvic exam. </span><br />
<br />
<u><i><b><span face=""tahoma" , "sans-serif"" lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">While
she watched.</span></b></i></u><br />
<br />
<span face=""tahoma" , "sans-serif"" lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">And
she asked him if I was a virgin.</span><br />
<span face=""tahoma" , "sans-serif"" lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">He
said he couldn’t tell because I ride my bicycle a lot (our doctor lived on our
street and would see me out riding).</span><br />
<span face=""tahoma" , "sans-serif"" lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">That's
not the worst of it.</span><br />
<br />
<span face=""tahoma" , "sans-serif"" lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">After
the doctor confirmed that yes, I started my period, we were exiting the room
and my mother announced to EVERYONE in the hallway that <b>"My baby got her
PERIOD! My baby is GROWING UP!"</b></span><br />
<span face=""tahoma" , "sans-serif"" lang="EN-US" style="color: black;"><b> </b><br />
I just wanted a hole to open up and swallow me. She went on and on during the
entire walk through the clinic, announcing to anyone who looked her way. I was
so embarrassed. My heart still races just thinking about it and that was 30+
years ago.</span><br />
<br />
<span face=""tahoma" , "sans-serif"" lang="EN-US" style="color: black;"><span face=""tahoma" , "sans-serif"" lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">My
periods were irregular, so much so that the doctor eventually put me on
a birth control pill. Thank goodness. Bleeding for three weeks at a
time made me so anemic that I couldn't hardly do anything or think
straight. But of course, being on the pill created even more of a rift
with my mother. She tightened the apron strings even further. Not quite
sure what she was thinking, maybe that I'd go out and sleep with every
guy I could? </span> </span><br />
<br />
<b><span face=""tahoma" , "sans-serif"" lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">4.</span></b><span face=""tahoma" , "sans-serif"" lang="EN-US" style="color: black;"> <b><i>She
undermines.</i> <i> </i></b></span><br />
<b>
</b><b><i><span face=""tahoma" , "sans-serif"" lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">Any
time you are to be center stage and there is no opportunity for her to be the
center of attention, she will try to prevent the occasion altogether, or she
doesn't come, or she leaves early, or she acts like it's no big deal, or she
steals the spotlight or she slips in little wounding comments about how much
better someone else did or how what you did wasn't as much as you could have
done or as you think it is. She undermines you by picking fights with you or
being especially unpleasant just before you have to make a major effort. She
acts put out if she has to do anything to support your opportunities or will
outright refuse to do even small things in support of you.</span></i></b><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span face=""tahoma" , "sans-serif"" lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">She hated that I was in Drama Club and acted in plays.</span><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFpG3POAiIAiYgVAPHgGjKcYW-onC7Uq7qAdTtClBy6HRq6IImcJIOdc3oo1eVtHW5357JZw75aScL5l4mJGlZn-enj4XLbbYSlecQvYQO2bQBesVNQMtO5fAtnJc-sfXQ3kr7EbfMEz1R/s1600/IMG_8602.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="178" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFpG3POAiIAiYgVAPHgGjKcYW-onC7Uq7qAdTtClBy6HRq6IImcJIOdc3oo1eVtHW5357JZw75aScL5l4mJGlZn-enj4XLbbYSlecQvYQO2bQBesVNQMtO5fAtnJc-sfXQ3kr7EbfMEz1R/s320/IMG_8602.JPG" width="320" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvd6ECgtzOkM7YSjhaJsgqg7yC0IyQSHDi9lloD7FPEyE16nhP8Q3ngeTSAz4bFfpfjg2dmYb4uj80vcUdn7IzHHPrUB1zC1Mmv4ESI40N49av29ML-dWMuz0KeZ12gIlEVlJJVcGUtqGD/s1600/IMG_8611.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="228" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvd6ECgtzOkM7YSjhaJsgqg7yC0IyQSHDi9lloD7FPEyE16nhP8Q3ngeTSAz4bFfpfjg2dmYb4uj80vcUdn7IzHHPrUB1zC1Mmv4ESI40N49av29ML-dWMuz0KeZ12gIlEVlJJVcGUtqGD/s320/IMG_8611.JPG" width="320" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span face=""tahoma" , "sans-serif"" lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;"><br />
She hated that I was in Speech and Debate and traveled to tournaments in Seattle and Tacoma.<br /> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOYDW5IT-GK_nhVL7rfan4gRyM7AIKwM_03lj6HpX0zMuL4qWo0VdW9LjGKszCTxqoB1PsSISAyeFWU1hpCqsHVNicIe0QdcQaAdzIi7McVZX6ww6qWEnJSLtxkqGPyE_Q0PhZgEoZUAJW/s1600/IMG_8601.JPG"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOYDW5IT-GK_nhVL7rfan4gRyM7AIKwM_03lj6HpX0zMuL4qWo0VdW9LjGKszCTxqoB1PsSISAyeFWU1hpCqsHVNicIe0QdcQaAdzIi7McVZX6ww6qWEnJSLtxkqGPyE_Q0PhZgEoZUAJW/s320/IMG_8601.JPG" width="246" /></a></span><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span face=""tahoma" , "sans-serif"" lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0rdbMYaD3VIX96hxvTkoM6Z4a2FDtYxFuKconGUMZf9GHOHdMsFM5G5KdjUmlGRLo90MSTDxdHGCKMfndjM73y5pZWCKGSLno5jof3f733B5BtZPsoT8fjPJAvNriCSHWkQAe4x6syY_W/s1600/IMG_8603.JPG"><img border="0" height="277" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0rdbMYaD3VIX96hxvTkoM6Z4a2FDtYxFuKconGUMZf9GHOHdMsFM5G5KdjUmlGRLo90MSTDxdHGCKMfndjM73y5pZWCKGSLno5jof3f733B5BtZPsoT8fjPJAvNriCSHWkQAe4x6syY_W/s400/IMG_8603.JPG" width="400" /></a></span><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span face=""tahoma" , "sans-serif"" lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">She hated that I was in Zero Hour Jazz Choir.</span><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span face=""tahoma" , "sans-serif"" lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkUVWM4ylXPchp42yVBxskhVIglIVSXthfTqOAgEqzM9or7snhFk9i6-hE7lE2ZLaX0VhwTyZJ9V2EufM7H2fHJVR2wfxxJ6BZEg59kaqUDPZPV_wToL3J5ND7MzfkNxetax33HnzFgpQ8/s1600/IMG_8604.JPG"><img border="0" height="199" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkUVWM4ylXPchp42yVBxskhVIglIVSXthfTqOAgEqzM9or7snhFk9i6-hE7lE2ZLaX0VhwTyZJ9V2EufM7H2fHJVR2wfxxJ6BZEg59kaqUDPZPV_wToL3J5ND7MzfkNxetax33HnzFgpQ8/s320/IMG_8604.JPG" width="320" /></a> </span><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span face=""tahoma" , "sans-serif"" lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">She hated that I was in Chorus. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
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<span face=""tahoma" , "sans-serif"" lang="EN-US" style="color: black;"> </span><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGf3zSoepQ1z1HyX51yIfBhjYpGSL-8welAKiANxdCTXvaRP5Ua8AFIt9aKAetJF5hcDwhmaY8GqBqYUs5kygv0saPuXP5OaX7OfdkjpJlOVWNC6lGY9v15zkTblYjmxUiBuc6w17Gk51R/s1600/IMG_8605.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="204" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGf3zSoepQ1z1HyX51yIfBhjYpGSL-8welAKiANxdCTXvaRP5Ua8AFIt9aKAetJF5hcDwhmaY8GqBqYUs5kygv0saPuXP5OaX7OfdkjpJlOVWNC6lGY9v15zkTblYjmxUiBuc6w17Gk51R/s320/IMG_8605.JPG" width="320" /></a></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
<br />
<span face=""tahoma" , "sans-serif"" lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">She
would pick and choose when she wanted to be helpful. If she felt there was
something in it for her (like recognition for creating a costume), then she was
all for it. But if it meant I was traveling for the weekend, holy crap, watch
out for the attitude. She was mad because she knew she couldn't control me when
I was away.</span><br />
<br />
<b><span face=""tahoma" , "sans-serif"" lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">She
would make up infractions so she could punish me by taking away a tournament
trip.</span></b><br />
<br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""tahoma" , "sans-serif"" lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: large;">I LOVED going to tournaments, mostly because I was away from her.
Oh, she would give me the list of what not to do- smoke, drink, party, go off
with strangers, watch out for the bogey man, so on and so forth. Which was
stupid because I didn't smoke, drink or party already. That's not my life
style. Never has been, never will be. Yet she treated me like I was this horrid
person who did all these things.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
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</span>Goofiernuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15105779598281452926noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1464273116724604199.post-28469064979316449992016-06-01T11:50:00.004-07:002021-09-18T12:34:15.326-07:00Nothing belongs to me<div class="entry-content">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Aug 7, 1987 6:01pm</b><br />
The Three Stooges <<i>my nieces Marta, Rebekah and Jessica</i>>
plus two are coming and I have to let Sue sleep in my bed and I (lucky
me) get to sleep out back in a tent with them. Yippy Skippy. Hopefully
they’ll leave soon after the yard sale is all over with. Then Robert,
Sheri (some girl he likes) and The Munsters <<i>my niece and nephew, Angie and Willie</i>> are coming Saturday evening. More fun in the sun, eh?<br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Aug 8, 1987 11:39pm</b><br />
Well, the storm finally blew over. Mom is very P.O.ed at Max. I hope Sue
didn’t find this and read it. I think she ate in my bed and she used
something in here that smells funny. All of them were rude and they kept
coming in here without my permission.<br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Sept 4, 1987 11:30pm</b><br />
Hi. There’s a dance over at Sandy’s parking lot and I can’t go. Know why?<br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
1.) My car is mixing gas and oil again,<br />
2.) there’s a short in the
brake lights,<br />
3) they don’t trust me to walk,<br />
4) the pick-up “isn’t
safe” and<br />
5) they don’t trust me with the new car. <<i>Sandy’s Drive In was .3 miles away from home, WELL within walking distance</i>><br />
So lucky me gets to stay home and brood while everyone else gets to
party-hardy. Not only that, my mom is hinting that it’s my fault that my
car’s brake lights stick and that the gas is leaking again. But it IS
NOT my fault!<br />
She always blames me when something goes wrong. That’s why I hate her
sometimes. She never gives me a chance to talk and I’m always guilty
until proven innocent. And even if I DO prove my innocence, I’m STILL
guilty. And they always ignore me when I ask them something. But I do
that, oooh, I’m grounded for LIFE! UGGGHHH!!! I don’t know why but I
feel like crying. Everybody else is having a great time tonight and I
have to stay locked in my room. Why can’t Mom and Dad undo the apron
strings just a little? How am I s’posed to learn from my experiences
when they won’t let me have any? I’m a good kid, I don’t drink,
do drugs or change boyfriends every weekend. I don’t sleep with guys, I
try to do the right thing, but they just don’t give me a CHANCE! How
come they always compare me to Anita? More than once I’ve heard Mom
mumble “You’re just like Anita!” I am NOT Anita! I am ME!! Why can’t
they understand that! WHY?<br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
———————————————-<br />
Characteristics of a narcissistic mother<br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/characteristics-of-narcissistic-mothers.html">http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/characteristics-of-narcissistic-mothers.html</a><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><br />
“2.</b> <i>She violates your boundaries.</i> You feel like an
extension of her. Your property is given away without your consent,
sometimes in front of you. Your food is eaten off your plate or given to
others off your plate.<b>“</b><br />
This happened frequently whenever my nieces, nephew and cousins were
around. I even had to give up my BED for someone I didn’t know.<br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
When I was about 10, I remember my cousin Christina and I sitting in our dining room eating bowls of oatmeal.<b> </b>Tina
didn’t like the flavor she had chosen, so my mother grabbed our bowls
and switched them. I was then forced to choke down a flavor of oatmeal I
didn’t like and hadn’t picked BECAUSE I didn’t like it. And when I
cried about it, I was reprimanded.<br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
I got a Snuggles doll for Christmas 1978. I loved that doll. You pull
the string on the back and she would snuggle with her little pillow.<br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
My cousin Christina and I were in the backseat, and I had brought my
doll. Christina hadn’t brought a toy, and being nearly 5 years old, she
wanted whatever I wanted. So my mother told me to share. I shared for a
minute and when Christina pulled the string then tried to force the
doll’s head to move faster, I took the doll back. Christina started
screaming.<br />
My dear sweet mother reached back, took the doll from me and
handed it back to Christina who stuck her tongue out at me, pulled the
string all the way out and started SWINGING the doll around by the
string. You can guess what happened.<br />
The string broke. The doll’s head
lolled to one side.<br />
And you can guess what I did. I cried. What did my
mother do? Blamed it on me. “If you had shared this never would have
happened!” When I told her that Christina had been trying to break it
and that’s why I took it back, she wouldn’t listen.<br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIPrTHqmBh1S6OWuH0pnDzxoFdCLzMuG8jGqNXY42AkuwP2vqzkkzAWlk-nddy8PCRwDaMOhKvEtB-T_LXYSldIG-J_FU8_57I36ZjZufe407kCXSiKWshuFtD78jIcNWzmKCdCsDobuTD/s1600/Easter1978.JPG"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIPrTHqmBh1S6OWuH0pnDzxoFdCLzMuG8jGqNXY42AkuwP2vqzkkzAWlk-nddy8PCRwDaMOhKvEtB-T_LXYSldIG-J_FU8_57I36ZjZufe407kCXSiKWshuFtD78jIcNWzmKCdCsDobuTD/s400/Easter1978.JPG" width="308" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
Another instance<b>:</b> I had a Raggedy Ann doll that I
loved. My mother had made a t-shirt for this doll. She also made
t-shirts out of the same material for my nieces Marta and Rebekah. When
Jessica was born, my mother and half sister Maxine got the bright idea
to get photos of the girls wearing matching shirts. Only problem was
that Jessica didn’t have one. What did my mother do? Went and got the
one off my doll. After the photo shoot, they realized that they couldn’t
get the shirt off Jessica because she was too pudgy. So they cut it
off. Yup. They TOOK and CUT something that belonged to me. And no
apology for doing so, either.<br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
When I was about 12, my folks bought a new washer and dryer set and
gave me the boxes. I built a two room house out of the boxes and even
made furniture with some extra cardboard. I fashioned a lock on the
door, locked it and went off to school. When I came home, my nieces were
running through the cardboard house, destroying it, the furniture and
the toys I had left inside. I was furious. My mother had cut the door
where the lock was so the girls could play with the house. She thought I
wouldn’t mind “sharing” and when I cried about my things being
destroyed, I was chewed out about being “selfish” and “uncaring” and how
I should be grateful that my nieces wanted to play with my things. In
this case, I had to apologize for my mother taking my things.<br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
As for the “you’re just like Anita” part<b>:<br />
“19. </b><i><b>She projects</b>.</i> This sounds a little like
psycho-babble, but it is something that narcissists all do. Projection
means that she will put her own bad behavior, character and traits on
you so she can deny them in herself and punish you.<b>“</b><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
Now, she wasn’t projecting her own behavior at this time. She was
projecting ANITA’S behavior on to me. Anita was not a nice person. Anita
had a problem with lying, stealing, skipping school, doing drugs and a
score of other issues. I WAS NOT like Anita.<br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmaeya3A2TKdKeAq-xbm24n44roHwOqfwLerFWPwfAg5sjthhvtMP8FH3OMhg8uRJm_a2b0JpLsEY2kKVQ986MAvS0WtBfBRJb1wyJzdRWW8QCCgNYzGI-bB_WL-9TFvn-WWjzgSvg1XC4/s1600/projecting.jpg"><img border="0" height="277" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmaeya3A2TKdKeAq-xbm24n44roHwOqfwLerFWPwfAg5sjthhvtMP8FH3OMhg8uRJm_a2b0JpLsEY2kKVQ986MAvS0WtBfBRJb1wyJzdRWW8QCCgNYzGI-bB_WL-9TFvn-WWjzgSvg1XC4/s400/projecting.jpg" width="400" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>“22.</b> <i><b>She blames</b>.</i> She’ll blame you for
everything that isn’t right in her life or for what other people do or
for whatever has happened. Always, she’ll blame you for her abuse. You
made her do it. If only you weren’t so difficult. You upset her so much
that she can’t think straight. Things were hard for her and your
backtalk pushed her over the brink. This blaming is often so subtle that
all you know is that you thought you were wronged and now you feel
guilty.<b>“</b><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
This was another big one. It was my fault that my piece of crap car was mixing gas and oil<b>,</b> that the brake lights were sticking and that it was leaking gas. How? How could I have possibly made that happen?<br />
Whenever she got mad at me for an infraction, real or made up, my
punishment was grounding and/or being slapped. She has a quick temper.
She would lash out, then blame me for making her angry.<br />
Guilty until proven innocent is the name of the game.<br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
Characteristics of a narcissistic mother<br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/characteristics-of-narcissistic-mothers.html">http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/characteristics-of-narcissistic-mothers.html</a><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>5. <i>She demeans, criticizes and denigrates.</i><br />
10. <i>She manipulates your emotions in order to feed on your pain.</i><br />
11. <i>She’s selfish and willful.</i> </b><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>12. <i>She’s self-absorbed.</i><br />
14. <i>She terrorizes.</i><br />
15. <i>She’s infantile and petty.</i><br />
17. <i>She “parentifies.” </i><br />
20. <i>She is never wrong about anything.</i><br />
22. <i>She blames.</i><br />
</b><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span>Goofiernuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15105779598281452926noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1464273116724604199.post-17282508102274326632016-06-01T11:46:00.003-07:002021-09-18T12:33:38.711-07:00Act your age!<div class="entry-content">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>April 11, 1987</b><br />
I wonder if I can find my ear plugs. Mom’s whining again. And they tell ME to “act your age”! I’ll NEVER understand parents!!<br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>April 23, 1987</b><br />
I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow about my shoulder. Everyone
<especially mother="" my="" nbsp=""> keeps telling me that I might have to have
surgery and they don’t care that they’re scaring me. As a matter of
fact, they think it’s funny.</especially><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>June 5, 1987</b><br />
I want to go biking or swimming or SOMETHING! But you know how mom is.
I’d rather be out having a good time rather than sitting here. But mommy
is so scared that the boogey <sic> man will get me. UGH! It’s
enough to make me SICK!</sic><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>June 8, 1987</b><br />
Mom wants me to start cleaning my room out today and I don’t really want
to. She’s trying to lay a guilt trip over me and, as usual, it’s
working. Sometimes I HATE her!!<br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>July 8, 1987</b><br />
Wouldn’t it be GREAT if Mom and Dad went <to texas=""> and I stayed
home? I could have so much fun. I could drive to Moses Lake if I really
wanted to. But I probably wouldn’t. I’d be able to practice piano, sing,
sew, read and maybe I could even try and cook a few dishes for dinner. I
think I could run the washer without too much trouble if I really
needed clean clothes. I could go biking whenever I really felt like it,
except after dark.</to><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>July 15, 1987</b><br />
I wonder if Mom and Dad would trust me here alone while they went to
Texas. I really don’t want to go ’cause I bet that we’ll be treated like
shit. And if I stayed here, I could take care of Flower <the cat="">. But I doubt that they would leave me alone.</the><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>July 16, 1987</b><br />
I guess we’re gonna go ahead and put Flower in a kennel while we go on
vacation. I’d much rather stay home while Mom and Dad went. FREEDOM! I
could go almost anywhere I wanted when I wanted but I’d be in before
9:00 or 9:30. I’d probably stay out of the house ’cause Anita would be
after me to let her in. But I’d tell her “no!” and if she didn’t leave
I’d call that cops.<br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>July 29, 1987</b> 10:09pm Den or something <at had="" ken="" s-="" texas="" to="" traveled="" uncle="" we=""><br />
I want to go home! Mom keeps making me look like a stupid kid in front
of them <the relatives=""> and I hate her for it! I WANT TO GO
HOME!!!!</the></at><br />
——————<br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
After I broke my collar bone, I was still having issues with my
shoulder. I remember my mother would tell me that I might have to have
surgery and then she’d get all worked up about it, so much so that I
started to get scared. I was relieved that I didn’t have to go through
surgery, but hind sight being 20/20, it might have been a good thing to
do because I still have trouble with my shoulder.<br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
I sometimes wonder if my mother has/had Munchausen Syndrome and/or
Munchausen by Proxy Syndrome. She loves the attention she gets from
doctors when she’s sick or hurting. And I was sick a lot as a child… or
so I’ve been told. I know I missed so much school in the fourth grade
that I was supposed to go to summer school for math. But Mt. St. Helens
blew and school was canceled for the rest of the year as well as summer
school.<br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
I know I was in hospital for one of my birthdays. I believe it was my
10th. I know it was after I had all the allergy tests done. That was
when I was 7. And it was after the year and a half of allergy shots, so
past 8 and a half.. But it was before I had my tonsils out. That
happened over Christmas break when I was 11.<br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
Anyhow, my mother would come to visit me and be all aflutter and “oh my
poor baby!”. The kitchen staff even made me an egg free birthday cake
because, according to the tests, I was allergic to eggs. If I remember
correctly, the cake wasn’t very tasty. And I know that was the time that
my mother brought me two books, <span style="text-decoration: underline;">The Secret Garden</span> and <span style="text-decoration: underline;">Harriet the Spy</span>. I still have both of those books, too. But my mother just basked in the attention she got because I was in the hospital.<br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
I was really hoping that my folks would go on to Texas without me. I
really wasn’t in the mood for traveling and I suspected that my
grandparents wouldn’t be thrilled to see us. I was right. They treated
us rather poorly.<br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
In my entry, you read “maybe I could even try and cook a few dishes
for dinner. I think I could run the washer without too much trouble if I
really needed clean clothes.” I wasn’t allowed to cook or use the
washer on my own. I took Home Economics in high school, so I knew how to
cook some things. I could do scrambled eggs, macaroni and cheese and
heat up soup. The washer was mostly a foreign entity. I knew what all
the buttons and knobs did, and I knew the theory behind sorting. I
muddled through when I moved out, though I did turn some items a
different color.<br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
When we did finally make it to Texas and to the relative’s houses, my
mother was constantly at my throat about anything and everything. She
made most of the trip miserable.<br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
I did have a good time with my Great Aunt Joan and Great Uncle Roy.
And Aunt Mary and Uncle Tom were sweet to us as well. I enjoyed visiting
with my cousins Walter, Jennifer and Eric. Uncle Ken was helpful,
driving us around.<br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
I know my Dad enjoyed seeing his brothers. He hadn’t seen them for about 25 years.<br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
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<div style="text-align: center;">
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</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
Characteristics of a narcissistic mother<br /></span>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/characteristics-of-narcissistic-mothers.html">http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/characteristics-of-narcissistic-mothers.html</a><b> </b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>10. <i>She manipulates your emotions in order to feed on your pain.</i></b><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>
11. <i>She’s selfish and willful.</i> </b><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>12. <i>She’s self-absorbed.</i></b><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>
14. <i>She terrorizes.</i></b><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>
15. <i>She’s infantile and petty.</i></b><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>
17. <i>She “parentifies.” </i></b><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>
20. <i>She is never wrong about anything.</i></b><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>
22. <i>She blames.</i></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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</span>Goofiernuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15105779598281452926noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1464273116724604199.post-26304574302083741252016-06-01T11:32:00.006-07:002021-09-18T12:32:49.352-07:00Punishments that make no sense<div class="entry-content">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGvYgbmFDGW1UfHkQDfGtZCV3fY5LtlPrSyYOPsEwJT1TDpWg0wuLV1pfLtsIJ69fzuOvRhphDRsMGtJbp0cuLNq_OJheAkRAGIM-yM_DQC_Dv8qfYUWMqe2ulgMDDl7XeucZ0z3bqQUTX/s1600/proud+of+their+control.jpg"><img border="0" height="516" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGvYgbmFDGW1UfHkQDfGtZCV3fY5LtlPrSyYOPsEwJT1TDpWg0wuLV1pfLtsIJ69fzuOvRhphDRsMGtJbp0cuLNq_OJheAkRAGIM-yM_DQC_Dv8qfYUWMqe2ulgMDDl7XeucZ0z3bqQUTX/w466-h516/proud+of+their+control.jpg" width="466" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>October 20, 1985</b><br />
I wanted to go to the dance afterward <after football="" game="" the="">
but my mom was “so tired” and she “didn’t want to come out again” and
come get me.</after><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Nov 10, 1985</b><br />
I can’t wait till tomorrow cause I’m getting my braces off.<br />
My Mom is threatening to cancel my appointment tomorrow if I don’t get my homework done, How’s THAT for stupidness?<br />
Well, I better get my homework done or mom’ll cancel my appointment, ha ha ha.<br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Feb 1, 1986</b><br />
I better get to bed. Mom’s bitchin’ at me again. I wish she would just leave me alone.<br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>June 20, 1986</b><br />
I want to get out of this town so BAD! My mom is driving me stark raving mad! She’s always hollering, “Heidi! Come HERE!”<br />
Mom is accusing me of doing things and stuff again. She told me that, at
that party I went to out at Chris’s house, the parents were NOT there
and they were because I saw them! She also said that there was beer at
the party. *I* sure didn’t see any!! Why does she have to be so over
protective of me? I’m not a baby anymore. I can take care of myself for
cryin’ out loud. Gosh, a lot of other kids’ parents let them have a
little more freedom and breathing room. I hardly have enough room to
sigh in. I feel like I’m being squooshed to death.<br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>June 23, 1986</b><br />
I’ll have to ask Mom about all my summer plans. Won’t THAT be fun? What
if she says no to my odd jobs idea? There goes my whole summer down the
tubes! Then I’d have to find another way to earn money. And knowing mom,
she’ll suggest I do things around the house. I don’t mind that except,
I’d like to do this on my own. But she probably won’t understand. I’m
hoping to get enough to do at least one of two things: 1) get my bike
fixed or 2) put a down payment on my car. </span></div><div class="entry-content"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>July 4, 1986</b><br />
Mom and Dad have been jumping all over me about nothing. Its not fair!
Just because they didn’t have fun <at 4th="" for="" july="" of="" sunfest="" the=""> doesn’t mean that I can’t have any fun
either!</at><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>July 27, 1986</b><br />
I hate my mom right now. I’ve been hating her a lot lately. I wish there
was someone for me to talk to. Oh, well. I’ve made it this far being
alone. I guess I can make it the rest of the way.<br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Nov, 24, 1986</b><br />
Hi. Boy was today one of the worst days of my life. My allergies acted
up, I flunked my bio test and my car absolutely refuses to go backwards.
What a day. And now my mom is bitchity bitchity bitchity. “You should
have stayed and made sure they didn’t wreck her car! How many times did
you try to call? Well it wasn’t ME on the phone, it was HEIDI!”<br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
———————–<br />
She didn’t HAVE to come get me after the dance. We lived exactly a
third of a mile from the school. It was okay for me to walk to school at
7am in the dark for zero hour choir, but no WAY could I walk home at
10pm from the dance.<br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
And canceling my orthodontist appointment because I didn’t have my
homework done? What kind of stupidity is that? It was a half hour drive
to the orthodontist and a half hour back. Instead of letting me drive (I
got my permit in Aug 1985), she could have said, “Get your homework
done or you can’t drive to the orthodontist appointment and you’ll have
to do your homework while I drive.” THAT would have made WAY more sense.
Not that she needed to yell at me for doing homework anyhow. I was a
pretty good student and I had to keep up on my school work on my own.
Goodness knows she couldn’t help me with it and it got to a point where
some of it was a little over Dad’s head, too, like algebra.<br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
She was more excited about my getting my driver’s permit than I was.
She wanted me to drive her everywhere! And I was willing because, hey!
More practice!<br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
The party at Chris’s house… oh yes. According to my mother,<b><i> who wasn’t even there</i></b>,
Chris’s parents were gone and there was beer. Nope. Chris’s parents
WERE there, but were kind enough to watch a movie in their bedroom while
we ate pizza and watched a movie in their family room. The ONLY “beer”
was root beer. But did my mother believe me? OH NO! And no WAY would she
call and talk to Chris’s parents to find out the truth! Because she
THOUGHT the parents were gone and that there was beer, THAT was the
TRUTH.<br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
I wished I had someone to talk to about her behavior. By this time I
had realized that other mothers didn’t act like she did. She would
create a reality in her brain and that’s the way it would be unless she
wanted to change the reality to something else that suited her better. I
wish I knew if she had always been this way or if the car crash in 1977
had something to do with it. She had a traumatic brain injury and
couldn’t remember who she, dad or I was. To this day, all she can
remember is being out at the beauty shop, then everything after that is a
blank. So, did the brain injury affect her behavior, too? I wish I
knew. Unfortunately, even if I had been keeping a journal that far back,
I would have been seven years old and I doubt I would have written
much.<br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
She didn’t like my idea of doing odd jobs for anyone else but her.
Unfortunately, it turned into the vicious cycle of “You’re not doing it
right, *I* can do it faster and better, GO OUTSIDE AND HELP YOUR
FATHER!” Then, when we came in from doing our work, she would bawl and
say, “No one EVER helps me with MY chores! WAAAAAAAaaaaa!!!”<br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
As you can see by the last entry, Dad couldn’t do things right by her
either. She didn’t want to take care of the broken down car, but had
definite ideas about how he should have dealt with the situation.<br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
Characteristics of a narcissistic mother<br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/characteristics-of-narcissistic-mothers.html">http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/characteristics-of-narcissistic-mothers.html</a><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>5. <i>She demeans, criticizes and denigrates.</i><br />
10. <i>She manipulates your emotions in order to feed on your pain.</i><br />
11. <i>She’s selfish and willful.</i> </b><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>12. <i>She’s self-absorbed.</i><br />
13. <i>She is insanely defensive and is extremely sensitive to any criticism.</i><br />
14. <i>She terrorizes.</i><br />
15. <i>She’s infantile and petty.</i><br />
17. <i>She “parentifies.” </i><br />
20. <i>She is never wrong about anything.</i><br />
22. <i>She blames.</i><br />
24. <i>As a last resort she goes pathetic.</i> </b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span>Goofiernuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15105779598281452926noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1464273116724604199.post-60445848922685730672016-06-01T11:31:00.004-07:002021-09-18T12:32:29.329-07:00Jealousy and spying<div class="entry-content">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>April 2, 1985</b><br />
The trouble started when I got home. Mom drove by and saw that I didn’t
get RIGHT HOME afterwards <from play="" practice="">. Why the H-E-double
hockey sticks is she so… so… overprotective. I’m fifteen now and she
still treats me like I’m a baby or something. NOW she’s telling me to go
see Missy (my cousin) <my cousin="" younger="">. As if I want to. But what the heck
is wrong with her?</my></from><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>2:08pm</b><br />
Okay I spent enough time with Missy , back to my question. What IS
wrong with my mom? Maybe she’s jealous of me. But what’s there to
be jealous of? I still have a chance to a good education. I’m still
young, I have a handsome boyfriend who cares for me, and <she says=""> I’m a lot smarter than she is. I don’t know what’s up her butt,
but I do know she’s being very unfair and overprotective. And just when
I thought she was setting me a tad bit free everyday. Well I can tell
you this much. She WASN’T!! I wish I could get away from this place for
awhile. I don’t know where but just away from this place (for awhile
anyway).</she><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>June 1, 1985 (spare room)</b><br />
I’m sitting in here because my room is a mess. The one weekend I really
have to study and they kick me out of my own room. I’ll never understand
grown ups. I got to go visit Dean at the <gas> station last night
after graduation. I could’ve been with him while we were waiting for
Dad’s order. But you know my mom. She treats me like a baby. Sometimes I
hate her so much. She acts like such a bitch. And to top it off,
she CALLS me her baby. Then they said I could stay for ten minutes and
they gypped me three minutes.</gas><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>July 12, 1985</b><br />
My folks actually let me stay out til 11pm. Can you believe it? Dean and
I had a marvelous time <at carnival="" the="">. When we were walking
back to my house I saw that my folks were still waiting up for me.</at><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Aug 4, 1985</b><br />
Gee I wish my mom would let me grow up.<br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgigHvBilRA-j40eMJEYT9buQgFVKeXWBYc4fquT-IU0hgW1EUIsGscovwjyRLI6CoUMWDIV_dU1PiirFHwO6H-M05vKWaN_C94_6Qt1A8s3o0TK4LVaPJEL7Su0YPrzxjCn_JnLrdWAJlD/s1600/IMG_8108.JPG"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgigHvBilRA-j40eMJEYT9buQgFVKeXWBYc4fquT-IU0hgW1EUIsGscovwjyRLI6CoUMWDIV_dU1PiirFHwO6H-M05vKWaN_C94_6Qt1A8s3o0TK4LVaPJEL7Su0YPrzxjCn_JnLrdWAJlD/s320/IMG_8108.JPG" width="292" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Aug 3, 1985</b><br />
You’ll never guess what I did. I broke my collar bone. Great, huh? I ran into a fire hydrant with my bike.<br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Aug 9, 1985</b><br />
I want to go bike riding or something. Mom won’t let me do anything! I asked if I could go for a walk and she said, “NO!”<br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Aug 23, 1985</b><br />
Robert just stopped by and Mom was in the shower. Oh, great. Now she’s
yelling at me for not coming to get her. And then if I HAD come to get
her, she probably wouldn’t have believed me and yelled at me then, too.
Either way I would’ve got it. She’s hard to please.<br />
_____________________________<br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
Jealousy seemed to be a huge problem for her. She would often tell me
how lucky I was to have a chance at an education, then she would lament
about how she wished SHE could have continued on with school, but it
just wasn’t meant to be because she had babies instead. She dropped out
of 8th grade to have a baby at age 15. Then she would say how she didn’t
like school anyway because she was too stupid and couldn’t get good
grades.<br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
Being kicked out of my own room so my parents could “clean” was a
common occurrence. My mother never said as much, but I could tell her
“cleaning” was a way to spy on me. Whenever they kicked me out, I would
take my journals with me. They are all spiral bound notebooks, so they
looked like regular school supplies.<br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
I had one notebook that I had fashioned a locking system on. I came
home one day to find the locking system broken. I approached my mother
about it and, at first, she denied breaking it. Then she said she needed
some blank notebook paper so she HAD to break it to get to the paper. I
asked her how come she looked UNDER MY BED for blank notebook paper
when there was a loose stack sitting on the shelf next to my bed. She
started screaming at me about being a smart ass and to “just wait until
your father gets home!”. Needless to say, I was grounded.<br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
After that, I kept all my journals in my locker at school except for
the current one, which I kept in my backpack with my school books.
During summer break I would alternate hiding places; the shed out back
(she wouldn’t go out there because it was dirty and had spiders), the
front storage area (again, dirt and spiders), and the storage room just
off the family room (I found the dirtiest, darkest corner).<br />
These are all of my journals so far, from April 1984 to present (May 2016)<br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwGvJHGZfHRMygAaSV1iW4QYhJy4m0C0R4BscW1nbHvpvP1KBG5IeVtmwaqO4Je0XMAhe1s9qltOtazJZeb2Y4J4vjzhwYbap6n_AdIowd1q7qWckCRAHc04VzdKkEjRbo3Z-guERDzn4h/s1600/IMG_8123.JPG"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwGvJHGZfHRMygAaSV1iW4QYhJy4m0C0R4BscW1nbHvpvP1KBG5IeVtmwaqO4Je0XMAhe1s9qltOtazJZeb2Y4J4vjzhwYbap6n_AdIowd1q7qWckCRAHc04VzdKkEjRbo3Z-guERDzn4h/s320/IMG_8123.JPG" width="320" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
After I broke my collar bone, she took my crash personally, as if I
did it on purpose, just to inconvenience her. Every time I tried to step
foot out of the house for any reason other than school, she was at my
throat, telling me “don’t get HURT!” or “be back in THIRTY MINUTES!”<br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
For the first two weeks she refused to even let me go for a walk around the block.<br />
She also refused to let me get my bike fixed for over a year. Even
after I had earned the money to get a new front wheel, she absolutely
REFUSED to let me fix it. My dad finally stepped in and told her enough
was enough. He took me to get the wheel and showed me how to replace it.<br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj17fwBfFjrwHczRgaxq-MLkeg702fTVRUL6oxNfdCEsBjdw3UobhyphenhyphenBqmNAIQ7V8WWVOk5y_CPydAMjXNsBcYWkgFj673INpilKA7KxucKuKo6tdOw0h5HD5W28u579JObTgSNMGB5IeNQP/s1600/narcdandelion.jpg"><img border="0" height="268" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj17fwBfFjrwHczRgaxq-MLkeg702fTVRUL6oxNfdCEsBjdw3UobhyphenhyphenBqmNAIQ7V8WWVOk5y_CPydAMjXNsBcYWkgFj673INpilKA7KxucKuKo6tdOw0h5HD5W28u579JObTgSNMGB5IeNQP/w406-h268/narcdandelion.jpg" width="406" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
Characteristics of a narcissistic mother<br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/characteristics-of-narcissistic-mothers.html">http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/characteristics-of-narcissistic-mothers.html</a><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><br />
1. <i>Everything she does is deniable.</i> </b><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>2. <i>She violates your boundaries</i></b><i>.</i><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>7. <i>She’s envious.</i></b> <b><br />
8. <i>She’s a liar in too many ways to count.</i><br />
15. <i>She’s infantile and petty.</i></b><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>20. <i>She is never wrong about anything.</i><br />
21. <i>She seems to have no awareness that other people even have feelings.</i><br />
22. <i>She blames.</i> </b></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">
</span>Goofiernuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15105779598281452926noreply@blogger.com0