No one to talk to

Jan 1, 1988 7:52pm

I wish I had someone to talk to about college and about getting out on my own. I get so scared about graduation and I shouldn't be. And mom's not really helping any by treating me like a 15 year old. She won't always be able to go shopping with me, but she thinks that if she doesn't let me grow up, it'll never happen. I don't know. I just don't know. I'm scared shitless about growing up, Mom don't WANT me to grow up, I don't have anybody I can talk to about my feelings... 

Jan 14, 1988

I am in such deep shit, it's a wonder I'm alive. Now I know why I wanted school to be called off for Monday. I wrecked my car. I tried to go through a snow bank and my front tires got stuck. Deb and I got out to dig the tires out and this guy came up and said, "Here, let me give you a push." I told him to wait until I get back in the car, but he didn't. The car ran into Riiki's car. Mom is still pissed off. She chewed me out four hours straight Monday, two and a half Tuesday and about an hour yesterday. She didn't get near me today (thank God). I wish she would just realize that the damage is done and there's no way to go back and fix it. Mom has got the whole thing so exaggerated that is isn't funny. I feel like I'm grounded for life (I probably am). I have to beg to go anywhere. I'm surprised I don't get just bread and water for meals. I feel so bad about it already, but mom still goes into hysterics. Like I told Deb, I feel like a puppy that peed on the floor; Mom keeps rubbing my nose in it. I hope I get to spend Sunday night at Melissa's. I also have the speech tourney this weekend. Mom will probably tell me I have to stay home Sunday and Monday (no school Monday). That would be just like her. It's times like these that I HATE my own mother. I wish I could just tell her to fuck off and leave me alone! 

Jan 17, 1988

I want to get out of this house. I asked if I could go over to Melissa's and almost got my head chopped off. I'm thinking about getting dressed and just going for a walk. But I don't know what mom and dad would do. I guess I could try.

April 4, 1988 12:43  pm

Well, so far my spring break has been the pits. I can't go anywhere or do anything. It's worse than being grounded. I refuse to help with the kids. <My niece and nephew Angie and Willie were visiting> I remember the last time they were over, Mom was constantly on my ass. Now that I refuse to help her with them, she's still on my ass. Damned if I do, damned if I don't. I never win. Especially when they're here. When they're around, mom doesn't care what I feel. I don't exist when they're here. 

I guess she's pissed because I won't play with the kids. Tough shit! I don't feel like playing with stupid Angie who pinches and throws a tantrum when she doesn't get her way. I refuse! I, as of now, quit the job of being babysitter. Just because my mom wants a break. She wanted them over, therefore it's her job to take care of them! I quit!

 _________________________

When I crashed the car, I knew I would never hear the end of it. And I didn't. She had a legitimate reason to chew me out and ground me and she was HAPPY about that. In her mind she had proof that I was an awful kid. If I was a good kid, I wouldn't have wrecked the car. And because she had this proof, people started believing the other stories she told. 

3. She favoritizes. Narcissistic mothers commonly choose one (sometimes more) child to be the golden child and one (sometimes more) to be the scapegoat. The narcissist identifies with the golden child and provides privileges to him or her as long as the golden child does just as she wants. The golden child has to be cared for assiduously by everyone in the family. The scapegoat has no needs and instead gets to do the caring. The golden child can do nothing wrong. The scapegoat is always at fault.

  

17. She "parentifies."  She also gave you tasks that were rightfully hers and should not have been placed on a child. You may have been a primary caregiver for young siblings or an incapacitated parent.  

Whenever my nieces, nephew or cousins were over, either I was forced to be babysitter or ignored completely. As it said in the journal entry, she wanted me to come play with the kids so she could have a break. When I did take care of them, I couldn't do anything right. But if I left, locked myself in my room or otherwise withdrew, I would get yelled at. I couldn't win.  

This was especially frustrating because I actually adored my nieces, nephew and cousins. I tried to spend as much time as I could with them:

My cousins Christina and Sherrie:

  

 

My niece Marta:

 

 

 

 

   

 

   

  

  

 

  

My niece Angie:

 

  

 

My nephew Wil:

Marta and Rebekah:

Jessica:

The Three Stooges and The Munsters:

The accusations continue

Oct 3, 1987  11:53pm
Oh, great. I just got a poor work slip in Spanish class. I have trouble remembering the words but mom thinks I'm goofing off in class. How the heck can I goof off in class when I have no one in class to goof off WITH?!? I wish I could get Senor to explain to them that I have troubles. But mom expects me to be perfect and I'm NOT. 

Oct 8, 1987 7:34pm
I got a poor work slip in Spanish. Mom doesn't understand that I'm trying my hardest. She expects me to be perfect... and I'm NOT!

Oct 15, 1987 6:15pm
Oh, boy, you're gonna LOVE this one! Mom thinks I'm pregnant with Keith's baby! Isn't that funny? Considering the farthest Keith and I went was kissing. I heard them talking and mom said that I am several days late with my period, which is true. As a matter of fact I think I'm a month late. Oh, well, if she wants to think I would go that far with a guy I hardly even know then let her! Besides, if I confront her with it, she won't believe me. Does she EVER believe me? No.

Nov 9, 1987 8:50 pm
Boy is mom ever in a pissy mood tonight! Why did I have to have her for a mother anyway? She's really sweet when she wants to be, but she's also an asshole when she gets in the mood. I guess I shouldn't have asked her for any help for the play. She really doesn't want to help, so I tried to offer to sew it myself. And she got all pissed off! Now how do you like them apples?!? ARGH! Why ME? And she expects me to be so damned perfect!
10:34pm 
You know something? I think mom is jealous of me because I'm finishing school and planning going to college. I wish she wasn't that way, but... what can I do??

Nov 10, 1987 7:16pm
Why does mom have to be so damned disagreeable? If I make one simple mistake, she acts like it's the end of the world. If I forget something, I better watch out. But if SHE forgets something, boy, it's just hunky-dorry. Why does she expect me to be so perfect when SHE isn't? I can't wait until I move out. 
--------------------------------

The accusations continue about what I am doing at school. How would she know I was goofing off in class when she wasn't even there?  The first half of the year I didn't have any friends in Spanish Class. And if I DID have a friend in that class, Senor Rodriguez would have jumped for joy because a lot of his curriculum was getting us to SPEAK the language. He WANTED us to talk in class. I was getting poor grades because I didn't have anyone to talk to! The teacher I had for first year Spanish didn't want us to talk in class, just do the lessons in the book, which is why to this day I can read Spanish pretty well, but I can't speak it. 

Yes, she claimed I was pregnant. NEWSFLASH! I was still a VIRGIN.
Did she believe me?
NO.


  2. She violates your boundaries. She keeps tabs on your bodily functions and humiliates you by divulging the information she gleans, especially when it can be used to demonstrate her devotion and highlight her martyrdom to your needs. You have never known what it is like to have privacy in the bathroom or in your bedroom, and she goes through your things regularly. She asks nosy questions, snoops into your email/letters/diary/conversations. 

 She was always, ALWAYS wanting to know about my periods, bowel movements, anything to do with my bodily functions. 

When I was 13, before I started keeping a journal, I remember when I started my period for the first time. This is a painful memory- bear with me.
First off, she was NOT the one that taught me about menstruation and puberty. No, I learned all that from a pamphlet handed out at school. And when I wanted to talk about it, she would change the subject.

When I did actually start my period, I asked her for a pad. She went bonkers, called the doctor and set up an appointment "just to make SURE!”

At the doctor's, she INSISTED he give me a pelvic exam. 

While she watched.

And she asked him if I was a virgin.
He said he couldn’t tell because I ride my bicycle a lot (our doctor lived on our street and would see me out riding).
That's not the worst of it.

After the doctor confirmed that yes, I started my period, we were exiting the room and my mother announced to EVERYONE in the hallway that "My baby got her PERIOD! My baby is GROWING UP!"
 
I just wanted a hole to open up and swallow me. She went on and on during the entire walk through the clinic, announcing to anyone who looked her way. I was so embarrassed. My heart still races just thinking about it and that was 30+ years ago.

My periods were irregular, so much so that the doctor eventually put me on a birth control pill. Thank goodness. Bleeding for three weeks at a time made me so anemic that I couldn't hardly do anything or think straight. But of course, being on the pill created even more of a rift with my mother. She tightened the apron strings even further. Not quite sure what she was thinking, maybe that I'd go out and sleep with every guy I could? 

4. She undermines.  
Any time you are to be center stage and there is no opportunity for her to be the center of attention, she will try to prevent the occasion altogether, or she doesn't come, or she leaves early, or she acts like it's no big deal, or she steals the spotlight or she slips in little wounding comments about how much better someone else did or how what you did wasn't as much as you could have done or as you think it is. She undermines you by picking fights with you or being especially unpleasant just before you have to make a major effort. She acts put out if she has to do anything to support your opportunities or will outright refuse to do even small things in support of you.

She hated that I was in Drama Club and acted in plays.

She hated that I was in Speech and Debate and traveled to tournaments in Seattle and Tacoma.
 


She hated that I was in Zero Hour Jazz Choir.
 

She hated that I was in Chorus. 

 

She would pick and choose when she wanted to be helpful. If she felt there was something in it for her (like recognition for creating a costume), then she was all for it. But if it meant I was traveling for the weekend, holy crap, watch out for the attitude. She was mad because she knew she couldn't control me when I was away.

She would make up infractions so she could punish me by taking away a tournament trip.

I LOVED going to tournaments, mostly because I was away from her. Oh, she would give me the list of what not to do- smoke, drink, party, go off with strangers, watch out for the bogey man, so on and so forth. Which was stupid because I didn't smoke, drink or party already. That's not my life style. Never has been, never will be. Yet she treated me like I was this horrid person who did all these things.

Nothing belongs to me

Aug 7, 1987  6:01pm
The Three Stooges <my nieces Marta, Rebekah and Jessica> plus two are coming and I have to let Sue sleep in my bed and I (lucky me) get to sleep out back in a tent with them. Yippy Skippy. Hopefully they’ll leave soon after the yard sale is all over with. Then Robert, Sheri (some girl he likes) and The Munsters <my niece and nephew, Angie and Willie> are coming Saturday evening. More fun in the sun, eh?

Aug 8, 1987 11:39pm
Well, the storm finally blew over. Mom is very P.O.ed at Max. I hope Sue didn’t find this and read it. I think she ate in my bed and she used something in here that smells funny. All of them were rude and they kept coming in here without my permission.

Sept 4, 1987 11:30pm
Hi. There’s a dance over at Sandy’s parking lot and I can’t go. Know why?

1.) My car is mixing gas and oil again,
2.) there’s a short in the brake lights,
3) they don’t trust me to walk,
4) the pick-up “isn’t safe” and
5) they don’t trust me with the new car. <Sandy’s Drive In was .3 miles away from home, WELL within walking distance>
So lucky me gets to stay home and brood while everyone else gets to party-hardy. Not only that, my mom is hinting that it’s my fault that my car’s brake lights stick and that the gas is leaking again. But it IS NOT my fault!
She always blames me when something goes wrong. That’s why I hate her sometimes. She never gives me a chance to talk and I’m always guilty until proven innocent. And even if I DO prove my innocence, I’m STILL guilty. And they always ignore me when I ask them something. But I do that, oooh, I’m grounded for LIFE! UGGGHHH!!! I don’t know why but I feel like crying. Everybody else is having a great time tonight and I have to stay locked in my room. Why can’t Mom and Dad undo the apron strings just a little? How am I s’posed to learn from my experiences when they won’t let me have any? I’m a good kid, I don’t drink, do drugs or change boyfriends every weekend. I don’t sleep with guys, I try to do the right thing, but they just don’t give me a CHANCE! How come they always compare me to Anita? More than once I’ve heard Mom mumble “You’re just like Anita!” I am NOT Anita! I am ME!! Why can’t they understand that! WHY?

———————————————-
Characteristics of a narcissistic mother
http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/characteristics-of-narcissistic-mothers.html

“2. She violates your boundaries. You feel like an extension of her. Your property is given away without your consent, sometimes in front of you. Your food is eaten off your plate or given to others off your plate.“
This happened frequently whenever my nieces, nephew and cousins were around. I even had to give up my BED for someone I didn’t know.

When I was about 10, I remember my cousin Christina and I sitting in our dining room eating bowls of oatmeal. Tina didn’t like the flavor she had chosen, so my mother grabbed our bowls and switched them. I was then forced to choke down a flavor of oatmeal I didn’t like and hadn’t picked BECAUSE I didn’t like it. And when I cried about it, I was reprimanded.

I got a Snuggles doll for Christmas 1978. I loved that doll. You pull the string on the back and she would snuggle with her little pillow.

My cousin Christina and I were in the backseat, and I had brought my doll. Christina hadn’t brought a toy, and being nearly 5 years old, she wanted whatever I wanted. So my mother told me to share. I shared for a minute and when Christina pulled the string then tried to force the doll’s head to move faster, I took the doll back. Christina started screaming.
My dear sweet mother reached back, took the doll from me and handed it back to Christina who stuck her tongue out at me, pulled the string all the way out and started SWINGING the doll around by the string. You can guess what happened.
The string broke. The doll’s head lolled to one side.
And you can guess what I did. I cried. What did my mother do? Blamed it on me. “If you had shared this never would have happened!” When I told her that Christina had been trying to break it and that’s why I took it back, she wouldn’t listen.

Another instance: I had a Raggedy Ann doll that I loved. My mother had made a t-shirt for this doll. She also made t-shirts out of the same material for my nieces Marta and Rebekah. When Jessica was born, my mother and half sister Maxine got the bright idea to get photos of the girls wearing matching shirts. Only problem was that Jessica didn’t have one. What did my mother do? Went and got the one off my doll. After the photo shoot, they realized that they couldn’t get the shirt off Jessica because she was too pudgy. So they cut it off. Yup. They TOOK and CUT something that belonged to me. And no apology for doing so, either.

When I was about 12, my folks bought a new washer and dryer set and gave me the boxes. I built a two room house out of the boxes and even made furniture with some extra cardboard. I fashioned a lock on the door, locked it and went off to school. When I came home, my nieces were running through the cardboard house, destroying it, the furniture and the toys I had left inside. I was furious. My mother had cut the door where the lock was so the girls could play with the house. She thought I wouldn’t mind “sharing” and when I cried about my things being destroyed, I was chewed out about being “selfish” and “uncaring” and how I should be grateful that my nieces wanted to play with my things. In this case, I had to apologize for my mother taking my things.

As for the “you’re just like Anita” part:
“19. She projects. This sounds a little like psycho-babble, but it is something that narcissists all do. Projection means that she will put her own bad behavior, character and traits on you so she can deny them in herself and punish you.“

Now, she wasn’t projecting her own behavior at this time. She was projecting ANITA’S behavior on to me. Anita was not a nice person. Anita had a problem with lying, stealing, skipping school, doing drugs and a score of other issues. I WAS NOT like Anita.

“22. She blames. She’ll blame you for everything that isn’t right in her life or for what other people do or for whatever has happened. Always, she’ll blame you for her abuse. You made her do it. If only you weren’t so difficult. You upset her so much that she can’t think straight. Things were hard for her and your backtalk pushed her over the brink. This blaming is often so subtle that all you know is that you thought you were wronged and now you feel guilty.“

This was another big one. It was my fault that my piece of crap car was mixing gas and oil, that the brake lights were sticking and that it was leaking gas. How? How could I have possibly made that happen?
Whenever she got mad at me for an infraction, real or made up, my punishment was grounding and/or being slapped. She has a quick temper. She would lash out, then blame me for making her angry.
Guilty until proven innocent is the name of the game.

Characteristics of a narcissistic mother
http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/characteristics-of-narcissistic-mothers.html
5. She demeans, criticizes and denigrates.
10. She manipulates your emotions in order to feed on your pain.
11. She’s selfish and willful.
12. She’s self-absorbed.
14. She terrorizes.
15. She’s infantile and petty.
17. She “parentifies.”
20. She is never wrong about anything.
22. She blames.

Act your age!

April 11, 1987
I wonder if I can find my ear plugs. Mom’s whining again. And they tell ME to “act your age”! I’ll NEVER understand parents!!

April 23, 1987
I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow about my shoulder. Everyone keeps telling me that I might have to have surgery and they don’t care that they’re scaring me. As a matter of fact, they think it’s funny.

June 5, 1987
I want to go biking or swimming or SOMETHING! But you know how mom is. I’d rather be out having a good time rather than sitting here. But mommy is so scared that the boogey  man will get me. UGH! It’s enough to make me SICK!

June 8, 1987
Mom wants me to start cleaning my room out today and I don’t really want to. She’s trying to lay a guilt trip over me and, as usual, it’s working. Sometimes I HATE her!!

July 8, 1987
Wouldn’t it be GREAT if Mom and Dad went and I stayed home? I could have so much fun. I could drive to Moses Lake if I really wanted to. But I probably wouldn’t. I’d be able to practice piano, sing, sew, read and maybe I could even try and cook a few dishes for dinner. I think I could run the washer without too much trouble if I really needed clean clothes. I could go biking whenever I really felt like it, except after dark.

July 15, 1987
I wonder if Mom and Dad would trust me here alone while they went to Texas. I really don’t want to go ’cause I bet that we’ll be treated like shit. And if I stayed here, I could take care of Flower . But I doubt that they would leave me alone.

July 16, 1987
I guess we’re gonna go ahead and put Flower in a kennel while we go on vacation. I’d much rather stay home while Mom and Dad went. FREEDOM! I could go almost anywhere I wanted when I wanted but I’d be in before 9:00 or 9:30. I’d probably stay out of the house ’cause Anita would be after me to let her in. But I’d tell her “no!” and if she didn’t leave I’d call that cops.

July 29, 1987  10:09pm  Den or something
I want to go home! Mom keeps making me look like a stupid kid in front of them and I hate her for it! I WANT TO GO HOME!!!!
——————

After I broke my collar bone, I was still having issues with my shoulder. I remember my mother would tell me that I might have to have surgery and then she’d get all worked up about it, so much so that I started to get scared. I was relieved that I didn’t have to go through surgery, but hind sight being 20/20, it might have been a good thing to do because I still have trouble with my shoulder.

I sometimes wonder if my mother has/had Munchausen Syndrome and/or Munchausen by Proxy Syndrome. She loves the attention she gets from doctors when she’s sick or hurting. And I was sick a lot as a child… or so I’ve been told. I know I missed so much school in the fourth grade that I was supposed to go to summer school for math. But Mt. St. Helens blew and school was canceled for the rest of the year as well as summer school.

I know I was in hospital for one of my birthdays. I believe it was my 10th. I know it was after I had all the allergy tests done. That was when I was 7. And it was after the year and a half of allergy shots, so past 8 and a half.. But it was before I had my tonsils out. That happened over Christmas break when I was 11.

Anyhow, my mother would come to visit me and be all aflutter and “oh my poor baby!”. The kitchen staff even made me an egg free birthday cake because, according to the tests, I was allergic to eggs. If I remember correctly, the cake wasn’t very tasty. And I know that was the time that my mother brought me two books, The Secret Garden and Harriet the Spy. I still have both of those books, too. But my mother just basked in the attention she got because I was in the hospital.

I was really hoping that my folks would go on to Texas without me. I really wasn’t in the mood for traveling and I suspected that my grandparents wouldn’t be thrilled to see us. I was right. They treated us rather poorly.

In my entry, you read “maybe I could even try and cook a few dishes for dinner. I think I could run the washer without too much trouble if I really needed clean clothes.” I wasn’t allowed to cook or use the washer on my own. I took Home Economics in high school, so I knew how to cook some things. I could do scrambled eggs, macaroni and cheese and heat up soup. The washer was mostly a foreign entity. I knew what all the buttons and knobs did, and I knew the theory behind sorting. I muddled through when I moved out, though I did turn some items a different color.

When we did finally make it to Texas and to the relative’s houses, my mother was constantly at my throat about anything and everything. She made most of the trip miserable.

I did have a good time with my Great Aunt Joan and Great Uncle Roy. And Aunt Mary and Uncle Tom were sweet to us as well. I enjoyed visiting with my cousins Walter, Jennifer and Eric. Uncle Ken was helpful, driving us around.

I know my Dad enjoyed seeing his brothers. He hadn’t seen them for about 25 years.

Characteristics of a narcissistic mother

http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/characteristics-of-narcissistic-mothers.html 

10. She manipulates your emotions in order to feed on your pain.
11. She’s selfish and willful.
12. She’s self-absorbed.
14. She terrorizes.
15. She’s infantile and petty.
17. She “parentifies.”
20. She is never wrong about anything.
22. She blames.

Punishments that make no sense

October 20, 1985
I wanted to go to the dance afterward but my mom was “so tired” and she “didn’t want to come out again” and come get me.

Nov 10, 1985
I can’t wait till tomorrow cause I’m getting my braces off.
My Mom is threatening to cancel my appointment tomorrow if I don’t get my homework done, How’s THAT for stupidness?
Well, I better get my homework done or mom’ll cancel my appointment, ha ha ha.

Feb 1, 1986
I better get to bed. Mom’s bitchin’ at me again. I wish she would just leave me alone.

June 20, 1986
I want to get out of this town so BAD! My mom is driving me stark raving mad! She’s always hollering, “Heidi! Come HERE!”
Mom is accusing me of doing things and stuff again. She told me that, at that party I went to out at Chris’s house, the parents were NOT there and they were because I saw them! She also said that there was beer at the party. *I* sure didn’t see any!! Why does she have to be so over protective of me? I’m not a baby anymore. I can take care of myself for cryin’ out loud. Gosh, a lot of other kids’ parents let them have a little more freedom and breathing room. I hardly have enough room to sigh in. I feel like I’m being squooshed to death.

June 23, 1986
I’ll have to ask Mom about all my summer plans. Won’t THAT be fun? What if she says no to my odd jobs idea? There goes my whole summer down the tubes! Then I’d have to find another way to earn money. And knowing mom, she’ll suggest I do things around the house. I don’t mind that except, I’d like to do this on my own. But she probably won’t understand. I’m hoping to get enough to do at least one of two things: 1) get my bike fixed or 2) put a down payment on my car.  

July 4, 1986
Mom and Dad have been jumping all over me about nothing. Its not fair! Just because they didn’t have fun doesn’t mean that I can’t have any fun either!

July 27, 1986
I hate my mom right now. I’ve been hating her a lot lately. I wish there was someone for me to talk to. Oh, well. I’ve made it this far being alone. I guess I can make it the rest of the way.

Nov, 24, 1986
Hi. Boy was today one of the worst days of my life. My allergies acted up, I flunked my bio test and my car absolutely refuses to go backwards. What a day. And now my mom is bitchity bitchity bitchity. “You should have stayed and made sure they didn’t wreck her car! How many times did you try to call? Well it wasn’t ME on the phone, it was HEIDI!”

———————–
She didn’t HAVE to come get me after the dance. We lived exactly a third of a mile from the school. It was okay for me to walk to school at 7am in the dark for zero hour choir, but no WAY could I walk home at 10pm from the dance.

And canceling my orthodontist appointment because I didn’t have my homework done? What kind of stupidity is that? It was a half hour drive to the orthodontist and a half hour back. Instead of letting me drive (I got my permit in Aug 1985), she could have said, “Get your homework done or you can’t drive to the orthodontist appointment and you’ll have to do your homework while I drive.” THAT would have made WAY more sense. Not that she needed to yell at me for doing homework anyhow. I was a pretty good student and I had to keep up on my school work on my own. Goodness knows she couldn’t help me with it and it got to a point where some of it was a little over Dad’s head, too, like algebra.

She was more excited about my getting my driver’s permit than I was. She wanted me to drive her everywhere! And I was willing because, hey! More practice!

The party at Chris’s house… oh yes. According to my mother, who wasn’t even there, Chris’s parents were gone and there was beer. Nope. Chris’s parents WERE there, but were kind enough to watch a movie in their bedroom while we ate pizza and watched a movie in their family room. The ONLY “beer” was root beer. But did my mother believe me? OH NO! And no WAY would she call and talk to Chris’s parents to find out the truth! Because she THOUGHT the parents were gone and that there was beer, THAT was the TRUTH.

I wished I had someone to talk to about her behavior. By this time I had realized that other mothers didn’t act like she did. She would create a reality in her brain and that’s the way it would be unless she wanted to change the reality to something else that suited her better. I wish I knew if she had always been this way or if the car crash in 1977 had something to do with it. She had a traumatic brain injury and couldn’t remember who she, dad or I was. To this day, all she can remember is being out at the beauty shop, then everything after that is a blank. So, did the brain injury affect her behavior, too? I wish I knew. Unfortunately, even if I had been keeping a journal that far back, I would have been seven years old and I doubt I would have written much.

She didn’t like my idea of doing odd jobs for anyone else but her. Unfortunately, it turned into the vicious cycle of “You’re not doing it right, *I* can do it faster and better, GO OUTSIDE AND HELP YOUR FATHER!” Then, when we came in from doing our work, she would bawl and say, “No one EVER helps me with MY chores! WAAAAAAAaaaaa!!!”

As you can see by the last entry, Dad couldn’t do things right by her either. She didn’t want to take care of the broken down car, but had definite ideas about how he should have dealt with the situation.

Characteristics of a narcissistic mother
http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/characteristics-of-narcissistic-mothers.html
5. She demeans, criticizes and denigrates.
10. She manipulates your emotions in order to feed on your pain.
11. She’s selfish and willful.
12. She’s self-absorbed.
13. She is insanely defensive and is extremely sensitive to any criticism.
14. She terrorizes.
15. She’s infantile and petty.
17. She “parentifies.”
20. She is never wrong about anything.
22. She blames.
24. As a last resort she goes pathetic.