Punishments that make no sense

October 20, 1985
I wanted to go to the dance afterward but my mom was “so tired” and she “didn’t want to come out again” and come get me.

Nov 10, 1985
I can’t wait till tomorrow cause I’m getting my braces off.
My Mom is threatening to cancel my appointment tomorrow if I don’t get my homework done, How’s THAT for stupidness?
Well, I better get my homework done or mom’ll cancel my appointment, ha ha ha.

Feb 1, 1986
I better get to bed. Mom’s bitchin’ at me again. I wish she would just leave me alone.

June 20, 1986
I want to get out of this town so BAD! My mom is driving me stark raving mad! She’s always hollering, “Heidi! Come HERE!”
Mom is accusing me of doing things and stuff again. She told me that, at that party I went to out at Chris’s house, the parents were NOT there and they were because I saw them! She also said that there was beer at the party. *I* sure didn’t see any!! Why does she have to be so over protective of me? I’m not a baby anymore. I can take care of myself for cryin’ out loud. Gosh, a lot of other kids’ parents let them have a little more freedom and breathing room. I hardly have enough room to sigh in. I feel like I’m being squooshed to death.

June 23, 1986
I’ll have to ask Mom about all my summer plans. Won’t THAT be fun? What if she says no to my odd jobs idea? There goes my whole summer down the tubes! Then I’d have to find another way to earn money. And knowing mom, she’ll suggest I do things around the house. I don’t mind that except, I’d like to do this on my own. But she probably won’t understand. I’m hoping to get enough to do at least one of two things: 1) get my bike fixed or 2) put a down payment on my car.  

July 4, 1986
Mom and Dad have been jumping all over me about nothing. Its not fair! Just because they didn’t have fun doesn’t mean that I can’t have any fun either!

July 27, 1986
I hate my mom right now. I’ve been hating her a lot lately. I wish there was someone for me to talk to. Oh, well. I’ve made it this far being alone. I guess I can make it the rest of the way.

Nov, 24, 1986
Hi. Boy was today one of the worst days of my life. My allergies acted up, I flunked my bio test and my car absolutely refuses to go backwards. What a day. And now my mom is bitchity bitchity bitchity. “You should have stayed and made sure they didn’t wreck her car! How many times did you try to call? Well it wasn’t ME on the phone, it was HEIDI!”

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She didn’t HAVE to come get me after the dance. We lived exactly a third of a mile from the school. It was okay for me to walk to school at 7am in the dark for zero hour choir, but no WAY could I walk home at 10pm from the dance.

And canceling my orthodontist appointment because I didn’t have my homework done? What kind of stupidity is that? It was a half hour drive to the orthodontist and a half hour back. Instead of letting me drive (I got my permit in Aug 1985), she could have said, “Get your homework done or you can’t drive to the orthodontist appointment and you’ll have to do your homework while I drive.” THAT would have made WAY more sense. Not that she needed to yell at me for doing homework anyhow. I was a pretty good student and I had to keep up on my school work on my own. Goodness knows she couldn’t help me with it and it got to a point where some of it was a little over Dad’s head, too, like algebra.

She was more excited about my getting my driver’s permit than I was. She wanted me to drive her everywhere! And I was willing because, hey! More practice!

The party at Chris’s house… oh yes. According to my mother, who wasn’t even there, Chris’s parents were gone and there was beer. Nope. Chris’s parents WERE there, but were kind enough to watch a movie in their bedroom while we ate pizza and watched a movie in their family room. The ONLY “beer” was root beer. But did my mother believe me? OH NO! And no WAY would she call and talk to Chris’s parents to find out the truth! Because she THOUGHT the parents were gone and that there was beer, THAT was the TRUTH.

I wished I had someone to talk to about her behavior. By this time I had realized that other mothers didn’t act like she did. She would create a reality in her brain and that’s the way it would be unless she wanted to change the reality to something else that suited her better. I wish I knew if she had always been this way or if the car crash in 1977 had something to do with it. She had a traumatic brain injury and couldn’t remember who she, dad or I was. To this day, all she can remember is being out at the beauty shop, then everything after that is a blank. So, did the brain injury affect her behavior, too? I wish I knew. Unfortunately, even if I had been keeping a journal that far back, I would have been seven years old and I doubt I would have written much.

She didn’t like my idea of doing odd jobs for anyone else but her. Unfortunately, it turned into the vicious cycle of “You’re not doing it right, *I* can do it faster and better, GO OUTSIDE AND HELP YOUR FATHER!” Then, when we came in from doing our work, she would bawl and say, “No one EVER helps me with MY chores! WAAAAAAAaaaaa!!!”

As you can see by the last entry, Dad couldn’t do things right by her either. She didn’t want to take care of the broken down car, but had definite ideas about how he should have dealt with the situation.

Characteristics of a narcissistic mother
http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/characteristics-of-narcissistic-mothers.html
5. She demeans, criticizes and denigrates.
10. She manipulates your emotions in order to feed on your pain.
11. She’s selfish and willful.
12. She’s self-absorbed.
13. She is insanely defensive and is extremely sensitive to any criticism.
14. She terrorizes.
15. She’s infantile and petty.
17. She “parentifies.”
20. She is never wrong about anything.
22. She blames.
24. As a last resort she goes pathetic.