Sunday, June 19, 2016

2014- Trying to please a narc

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January 30, 2014
Last Thursday mom called in a panic. Hugh the maintenance guy barged into her apartment and demanded that he fill out some financial paperwork for her. I was going to cal Shari the director but Mom was afraid Shari would get mad at HER. So I called Stewart Brown at Village Concepts . He said that NO, Hugh was not supposed to do that. I just called and left a message for Stewart to get a follow up call back. Sigh... and Max is pissed that SHE didn't get to call. Oy. Like I need her mouth going off and pissing people off.
 Mom called this evening and I told her three times that I had a stomach bug. Not ONCE did she ask if I was better now. That hurts. It was all about her.

April 24, 2014
It's amazing how self absorbed she has become.
I'm tired of hearing Mom bitch about Max and Jessica and the kids and the laundry room and the people at the apartment and the people at church and... yeah...

May 18, 2014
She says she's ready to go now.  

May 29, 2014
There truly is NO pleasing this woman. The ants are a valid problem. So is the dryer door being hard for her to open. But the stains on the  floor? She's driving herself into a frenzy. I tried to explain to her that it is NOT going to be perfect. She said she doesn't expect perfect but that the owner should put new flooring in for every new tenant. I told her if I was a landlord, I wouldn't put new stuff down because you don't know if the next person will take care of it. She just shook her head at me like "I'm right, you're wrong."
And Bob. Oh my... he came to "help" unpack but all he did was to cut open boxes, rummage through each one and then carry it to her. He would stack them up all around her and she couldn't hardly move.

May 30, 2014
Apparently the previous tenant left the oven a mess and she's worked herself into a tizzy about it. She thinks the manager should clean it and that she should get a full month's rent off for it. 

June 6, 2014
More DRAMA! "There are ants EVERYWHERE!" I sent Martin out with Terro traps. He'll let me know how many there really are.
She also thinks that the manager of the apartment doesn't like her having a freezer or having an air conditioner. Honestly, I think it's just her thinking everyone is out to get her. 
 I just looked up "paranoia" and it describes Mom really well, especially the "everyone is out to get me" part.

June 26, 2014
I took Mom for a hair cut but she wasn't happy with the hair dresser. I know she won't be happy with ANYONE.

July 1, 2014
Got her a portable air conditioner and took the widow unit back...
It's amazing how Mom can make the SMALLEST thing into a BIG DEAL. 
No, seriously... call waiting doesn't pop up the caller ID when someone beeps in. Century Link doesn't have that feature. It just DOESN'T EXIST. I spent half an hour trying to explain to Mom that she can't order it because it DOESN'T EXIST. "So, I DON’T have call waiting???"
And the damn fucking "critical" message that Avast pops up... I'm tempted to change virus protection just to avoid the pain of having to tell Mom over and over, "it's a fucking commercial to get you to buy the extended version! "So, I need to pay money??" ARGH!

July 7, 2014
I could swim at Klineline or Vancouver Lake, but then I have mother screaming in my head. Dear God, it's a wonder I do ANYTHING with her mental influence going on in my brain.

July 27th 2014
Every little thing to mother is a major crisis. I checked in on her. The ants! The horror! Even the Terro Traps aren’t killing them off. I'd like to try the sugar/ baking soda/ borax mix again. Doubt that she will let me. I know it's sad, but I honestly think she would be happier if she were dead.
Having him so close is kind of a pain in the ass. Bob keeps hanging around I think he's hoping for money
Memory Flashback:
My mother had a bout of stomach problems, so I took her into urgent care. He referred her to a gastroenterologist. I had also managed to get her set up with a general practitioner that was taking new Medicare patients. The doctor’s name was Dumler. When I told my mother the woman’s name, my mother smarted off, “What, is she DUMB or something???”
That’s when it really hit me that there was something seriously mentally wrong with my mother. Now she was attacking people just based on their names.

August 11, 2014
Mom will not be happy even when she's dead. Sigh... and the last thing I need her doing is pissing off the manager and getting kicked out. But according to her, there are THOUSANDS of ants now. She will sit in the bathroom for hours and kill them off. Sigh. The Terro traps aren't working, probably because she's killing them before they can take the poison back to the colony. 

August 13, 2014
Mom says she wants to take back control of the account. I'm afraid that Bob is grooming her and trying to take over her money. What to do, what to do? She asked about having the statements sent to her again, but to do that, ownership would need to be switched back to her. I'm afraid Bob is trying to get a hold of the money.
She's also still being paranoid about the ants.
I need to call the apartment manager tomorrow and hear his side of the story. it most likely won't match up with mom’s because I know how paranoid she is. I just looked up paranoia disorder. Most people don't seek treatment because they don't believe anything is wrong with them. And Mom doesn't see it.
I'm supposed to take Mom for a haircut tomorrow, but I just don't feel like dealing with her on 3 hours of sleep. I'm thinking of having Martin call her and tell her I have a migraine, but then that will add to the paranoia against me. Yeah, I think Bob may be grooming her.
Oh my God! She’s claiming I'm incompetent and that she's going to get legal help to get her money back even though she has access to it! She wants paper statements sent to her apartment.
Oh, and she is thinking about taking a chair in the bathroom so she can sit there and read a book and kill ants. (facepalm)
She has turned against Cortina. She said that when Cortina came to help move, she would take off with Mom's purse. *I* know Cortina wouldn't that.

Saturday, June 18, 2016

2013- Death and hernias

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A little back history:
My half sister, Anita, the one that physically abused me when I was kid, was diagnosed schizophrenic. She had been living in an assisted living home at one point. She was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes and it was suggested she have dialysis done. Before dialysis could begin, some women from the Mormon church arranged for Anita to be transferred to a place in Idaho. After the transfer, Anita claimed that the women were taking all her money. At one point, one of the checks that Anita signed showed up. The date on the check coincided with her being in Medical Lake and it was made out to a funeral home in Othello. One of the women from the Mormon Church worked there. The only portion of the check in Anita’s handwriting was the signature. Everything else was in someone else’s handwriting.
I have a suspicion that someone had taken out an insurance policy on Anita and then moved her in the hopes that she would die and no one in the family would know. I also suspect that, if there WAS an insurance policy, it was being paid for from Anita’s bank account. I was told she was getting money from the state because of her mental illness.
But Anita called our mother, and told her she’d been moved. My mother and Maxine went to Idaho and became Anita’s legal guardian’s, then had her transferred back to Washington.
April 17, 2013
Well, Anita is gone, I got here Sunday evening and we've been back and forth since. Today at noon we decided to leave figuring she'd linger several more days. I had taken mom's car to get wiper blades then was going to do a couple more errands, just to get away from Mom for awhile. My god, the woman is even MORE anal and OCD! And she's been snipping at me!!
I keep telling her that if she moves over by me, I will help her get the negative out of her system. I will need a lot of help, though.
Mother doesn't want to pursue the possibility that the Mormon women may have a life insurance policy on Anita. So without her on board, we're dead in the water. 
Anyhow we're planning a family-only graveside service on Friday which is when they're going to lower her into the ground. And I have a fucking cold. Probably got it from mom, who got it from Renee.
Thank GOODNESS I had the foresight to grab the Zicam cuz like bloody fucking hell Mom would let me out of her sight long enough to go get some. 
And she even admitted that if she moves over there, she'd be bugging me every day.

I had suggested to my mother that, since she was Anita’s guardian, go to the bank and ask to see bank statements to see if an insurance policy was being paid for from that account. She refused that idea… until the day after Anita died. THEN she wanted to go to the bank.
Well, you can guess what the bank said… “Now that she’s dead, you’re not guardian of anyone anymore.
Even though Anita hurt me physically until I was 16 and kicked her ass, it made me mad that someone could take advantage of a mentally ill person.
There’s nothing I can do except let Karma take over. I tried.

I'm glad I went, though. Anita was to the point where she couldn't move or open her eyes, but you could see her eyeballs moving around and she could move her eyebrows. I didn't want to be around her when she was conscious because I didn't know what she would do, if she would be okay with me there or she would revert to how she was when I was little and try to hurt me. So I waited until she was mostly unresponsive to go sit bedside vigil. 
At one point, my mother and Maxine left the room. I went to Anita and said, "Anita, this is Heidi." And her eyeballs and eyebrows went CRAZY. I could tell she was trying to open her eyes. I told her, "Everything between us is forgiven." She seemed to relax after I said that. I hope it brought her some peace. I know it did for me. Looking back, she must have been dealing with mental illness for a very long time. 

April 28, 2013
Pretty sure Mom's showing signs of dementia now. She's telling the same stuff over and over. And she's CONVINCED those "nosy Mormon women" are plotting to drive her bat shit crazy. She really thinks they are out to get her. Sigh...
If she DOES decide to move over here, I honestly don't know what I'm going to do. Last Tuesday when one of the women, Mary Merrill, came to her door to leave a card, Mom called my home phone, left a message, then called my cell FOUR TIMES and left messages. For the love of... I was on the BIKE. I can't exactly answer while I'm riding. Sheesh. And she was just so sure that Mary Merrill was there to torture her. Sigh... Mom's gotten even more paranoid about germs and OCD like you wouldn't believe. She got upset when I tried to take a different route back to her apartment. Sigh...
The entire time I was there, she wouldn't let me go off by myself without a bit of a fit. Sigh... I just don't know what to do. If she moves over here, she will want me with her 24/7 and just can NOT do that. She will be on the phone with me several times a day and she will get irate when I tell her no, I can't come rushing to her because I'm at the shop.

June 1, 2013
So, my mom can hint and hint and hint and gets mad when people don't take the hint and give her what she wants... yet she can't take the hint either.
She sent a card saying for us to use the  card or some of the money   to buy us something. I wrote her back saying we didn't want to buy anything, we have plenty of stuff, but we need help with the mortgage. HINT. Nope, no bite.

My mother had a hernia and kept putting off surgery “until Anita dies!” Anita died in APRIL. She put off the surgery for 3 more months.
She wanted me to come take care of her… of course. 
Why me? Because I was “self-employed” and could “shut the shop down whenever you want to!”
Our business was sponsoring an event which was to take place on August 2nd. I told her this and I asked her to try to schedule the surgery AFTER the event.
NOPE. July 30th.
“That’s the date they GAVE me! I had NO CHOICE!”
Right… I seriously doubt that.
Maxine showed up at the hospital to sit vigil. I wasn't surprised, since she lives there. I was shocked when Bob showed up, though. We sat in the cafeteria and he bitched about the choice of food.  He pissed and moaned about his junker car and how much gas it took to drive across the state. I just kept my mouth shut. 
As soon as we got the okay to go up to see our mother, we went up, he said hello, then beat feet it out the door.

August 3, 2013
She's been home for just over 24 hours... Sigh... I FINALLY did something right by her... I made a good dinner.

August 8, 2013
I can tell Mom's feeling better. She's starting to wrap the apron strings around my neck. I HAD to get away this evening so I went for a ride in search of coffee.

August 9, 2013  
As much as the cats annoy me, they don't annoy me as much as Mom does. She has to do a task THE absolute most difficult way possible. Like today. Grocery shopping. Mom had FIVE lists. FIVE. And halfway through the trip, she had lost them. Luckily, I had transcribed them onto another sheet of paper...

August 11, 2013 
She kinda got bitchy before she went to bed. I don't know if it's because she's hurting or because she realized I was leaving tomorrow. Sigh... I can't live with her! She is an emotional and energy vampire to me. She expects me to be with her 24/7 and I CAN'T DO IT!
I went for a ride earlier. She said, "Oh, are you gearing up?" Sigh... I actually replied, "No, I thought I'd go out naked." Seriously, some of the questions that pop out of her head. And the grilling me whenever I go to leave. Geez.
She is going to try to drag out our good-bye tomorrow, I just know it. WHY does she have to be this way? I am so thankful that I'm stronger than her, but she's sucking me under. I need to breathe or she will drown me!
By this point, I had been at her place for two weeks, from July 29 to August 12.
I got to go home for a week, then back to her place for a week and a half.

August 20, 2013  
I'm back at Mom's.
Really hoping I don't have to come back, for awhile, at least. Mom seems a little more open to moving. I will check out apartments when I get back. She's not going to be happy no matter where she is. Sigh...

August 21, 2013  
Sigh... I can't wait to go HOME. I am so fucking BORED, sitting on my ass doing NOTHING but watching TV or facebook. Mom doesn't like me leaving the apartment. My gosh, I hope I never become so dependent on someone, anyone, that I shut down every time they leave. Yeesh. How weak. She barely let me out the friggin' door this morning to go walk. If she could, she'd have me move in and sit with her all day at her beck and call. 

December 18, 2013
Yesterday Maxine called and woke me up. Mom's screaming "get me out of here!" and Max found an apartment but Mom started the "I can't afford that" routine.
Sigh... part of me wants Mom over here and part of me doesn't. She would be on the phone to me CONSTANTLY and I can't do that while I'm at the shop- we don't have call waiting. Sigh... I would definitely lose my freedom.
 I got everything on my list done. I checked out apartments at Madison Park down the street and they have two one bedroom apartments that are handicap accessable (sic). But when I called Mom, she started in with the "I can't afford that, I'm scared, I don't want to move in the winter, waa waa waa..." Sigh... I asked her "WHERE will you TRULY be happy?" She didn't have an answer. Because she won't be happy anywhere. Oy!!

2012- Guilt Trips and Fires

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March 1, 2012 
I need free long distance on weekends. Mom keeps me on for HOURS. I didn't talk to her Sunday because I was at camp. Felt so good to not have to listen to her.

 March 21, 2012 
I feel like going out for a walk, even in the dreadful weather. I can hear mother screaming, though, "You'll DIE!! You'll DROWN!! Oh, woe is me, don't go OUT, something could HAPPEN!" Oy.

March 30, 2012 
I leave tomorrow for Moses. I haven't told Mom so I can take my time driving over. Coming home I will have to "HURRY so I don't worry so long!!!" Sheesh. She has no fucking clue how much that stresses me out.

May 22, 2012 
On a happy note, I DID walk 2 miles yesterday... the last half mile I did in the pouring rain and the entire time I heard my mother's voice SCREACHING "you'll catch your death of NEW-MOAN-YA!! Get in the house before you MELT!"

September 15, 2012
Mom called all a dither because they raised her rent to $680. So she got it up her ass that she was going to move. She found a lovely 2 bedroom with a washer and dryer for $750. She did the $38 credit check, put down a deposit and then found out that her rent only went to $608, NOT $680!
BUT Maxine went ahead and told the apartment manager that Mom wanted the apartment, so now Mom HAS to move or forfeit the deposit. 
ARGH!! And now Mom is whining that she doesn't WANT to move. She has crammed so much stuff into those two walk in closets you can no longer walk in. And even though the new place has a washer and dryer, she'll still find SOMETHING to bitch about because that’s how she wants to live.

September 16, 2012
So, I'm in Moses. Mom and I are going to the apt. complex and see if we can get her deposit back then re-up her lease here. 

September 17, 2012
Mission accomplished. We got Mom's money back and canceled the apartment. I played the Power of Attorney card and there ya go.
Sigh... Mom's really going downhill, though. She stumbles a lot. 

September 19, 2012
Mom thinks that since I work for myself, I can just up and close whenever I want. Oy.
She says she doesn't want to be in on the gossip at the apartment complex yet she can't keep her fucking mouth shut.  And she pisses and moans that Max can't keep HER mouth shut! Argh!
She started in on me about walking around barefoot! She has become so picky yet bitches about how picky Aunt Kathy is. And such a germaphobe! OMG!

December 3, 2012
Uncle Ken has dementia, Aunt Kathy is showing signs of it and Mom complains about Aunt Kathy and Anita calling repeatedly and telling her the same stories over and over again. Yet Mom tells the same stories over and over, too. Sigh...

Hindsight being 20/20, I can look at the whole “Maxine forced her to put down a deposit” situation from a different perspective. I suspect that MARY is the one that got her panties in a bunch about the rent, put down the deposit and then when she found out SHE had made the mistake about rent, SHE blamed MAXINE.
I had to drop everything, including a job interview, to drive over and take her to the apartment complex to see about getting her deposit back. She told me to take in the Power of Attorney paperwork and she would invoke it so she could get her money back. 

By this time, Martin and I had had our business up and running for 9 months. It wasn’t generating enough income for us to live off of, so I was trying to find another nanny job. I didn’t write entries about the interviews or what my mother would pull- She would ask me about upcoming interviews and what the date was so she could write them down on her calendar so she could pray for me. Sounds sweet and loving, doesn’t it?
What she would do, though, was to create a crisis that I would have to cancel the interview, drive over, put out the fire then when I would try to leave, she’s pout, “Well, I thought that since you’re over here, you could STAAAAY for a few days. But if you have to leave, I UNDERSTAND…”
This happened a few times before I finally caught on. When she’d ask about job interviews, I’d tell her, “nothing right now” and change the subject.

2010/2011- Death and motocycles

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March 4, 2010 
Mom is NOT HAPPY. She's saying she wants her house back. Ugh. That is NOT going to happen. She won't be happy over here, either, but at least she would be closer and I won't have to take DAYS off to help her. About the only place to put her is at Vintage and she will piss and moan about not having her own washer and dryer.

October 25th 2010
Martin and I bought motorcycles. We enjoyed the motorcycle class so much that we decided to get bikes. I haven't told Mom because I know she would totally freak. It’s bad enough that she worries herself sick over Becky. There is nothing she can do, yet she still goes into fits.
My niece Becky had brain cancer. She had surgery, chemo and radiation, but it came back. There was nothing more doctors could do for her.

February 10th 2011
I have to be on the phone at 2 p.m. today to deal with mom’s paperwork. I should have kept her in the house. I could have seen about getting a new furnace installed and a new washer and dryer. She still would be bitching about the lawn and Fran and Ramona. I don't know how she does it. Seems like all the negativity finds her and settles in for a good long stay. I've learned something though; like fucking shit I'm going to live in a senior place!

November 28th 2011
I told Mom about the motorcycle. She already knew from the way she acted, though she didn't know if I had my own or rode with Martin. Whatever, now she knows.

(Someone ratted me out about the motorcycle. I KNEW she would throw a fit about it.
After I told her yes, I have a motorcycle, she bitched me out about it. It was just ONE bitching out, though. Oh, no. It was a reoccurring bitch-out. And her favorite thing to say was, “If you crash and die, who’s going to take care of MEEEEEEE??????!!!!!!!”
She could care less if I died!! She was more interested in herself and her well-being. )

 (On a happy note- this was one of the BEST decisions I've ever made in my life!!!)