2013- Death and hernias

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*WARNING*

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A little back history:
My half sister, Anita, the one that physically abused me when I was kid, was diagnosed schizophrenic. She had been living in an assisted living home at one point. She was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes and it was suggested she have dialysis done. Before dialysis could begin, some women from the Mormon church arranged for Anita to be transferred to a place in Idaho. After the transfer, Anita claimed that the women were taking all her money. At one point, one of the checks that Anita signed showed up. The date on the check coincided with her being in Medical Lake and it was made out to a funeral home in Othello. One of the women from the Mormon Church worked there. The only portion of the check in Anita’s handwriting was the signature. Everything else was in someone else’s handwriting.

I have a suspicion that someone had taken out an insurance policy on Anita and then moved her in the hopes that she would die and no one in the family would know. I also suspect that, if there WAS an insurance policy, it was being paid for from Anita’s bank account. I was told she was getting money from the state because of her mental illness.

But Anita called our mother, and told her she’d been moved. My mother and Maxine went to Idaho and became Anita’s legal guardian’s, then had her transferred back to Washington.

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April 17, 2013

Well, Anita is gone, I got here Sunday evening and we've been back and forth since. Today at noon we decided to leave figuring she'd linger several more days. I had taken mom's car to get wiper blades then was going to do a couple more errands, just to get away from Mom for awhile. My god, the woman is even MORE anal and OCD! And she's been snipping at me!!

I keep telling her that if she moves over by me, I will help her get the negative out of her system. I will need a lot of help, though.

Mother doesn't want to pursue the possibility that the Mormon women may have a life insurance policy on Anita. So without her on board, we're dead in the water. 

Anyhow we're planning a family-only graveside service on Friday which is when they're going to lower her into the ground. And I have a fucking cold. Probably got it from mom, who got it from Renee.

Thank GOODNESS I had the foresight to grab the Zicam cuz like bloody fucking hell Mom would let me out of her sight long enough to go get some. 

And she even admitted that if she moves over there, she'd be bugging me every day.

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I had suggested to my mother that, since she was Anita’s guardian, go to the bank and ask to see bank statements to see if an insurance policy was being paid for from that account. She refused that idea… until the day after Anita died. THEN she wanted to go to the bank.
Well, you can guess what the bank said… “Now that she’s dead, you’re not guardian of anyone anymore.

Even though Anita hurt me physically until I was 16 and kicked her ass, it made me mad that someone could take advantage of a mentally ill person.
There’s nothing I can do except let Karma take over. I tried.

I'm glad I went, though. Anita was to the point where she couldn't move or open her eyes, but you could see her eyeballs moving around and she could move her eyebrows. I didn't want to be around her when she was conscious because I didn't know what she would do, if she would be okay with me there or she would revert to how she was when I was little and try to hurt me. So I waited until she was mostly unresponsive to go sit bedside vigil. 

At one point, my mother and Maxine left the room. I went to Anita and said, "Anita, this is Heidi." And her eyeballs and eyebrows went CRAZY. I could tell she was trying to open her eyes. I told her, "Everything between us is forgiven." She seemed to relax after I said that. I hope it brought her some peace. I know it did for me. Looking back, she must have been dealing with mental illness for a very long time. 

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April 28, 2013

Pretty sure Mom's showing signs of dementia now. She's telling the same stuff over and over. And she's CONVINCED those "nosy Mormon women" are plotting to drive her bat shit crazy. She really thinks they are out to get her. Sigh...
If she DOES decide to move over here, I honestly don't know what I'm going to do. Last Tuesday when one of the women, Mary Merrill, came to her door to leave a card, Mom called my home phone, left a message, then called my cell FOUR TIMES and left messages. For the love of... I was on the BIKE. I can't exactly answer while I'm riding. Sheesh. And she was just so sure that Mary Merrill was there to torture her. Sigh... Mom's gotten even more paranoid about germs and OCD like you wouldn't believe. She got upset when I tried to take a different route back to her apartment. Sigh...
The entire time I was there, she wouldn't let me go off by myself without a bit of a fit. Sigh... I just don't know what to do. If she moves over here, she will want me with her 24/7 and just can NOT do that. She will be on the phone with me several times a day and she will get irate when I tell her no, I can't come rushing to her because I'm at the shop.

June 1, 2013

So, my mom can hint and hint and hint and gets mad when people don't take the hint and give her what she wants... yet she can't take the hint either.
She sent a card saying for us to use the credit card or some of the money to buy us something. I wrote her back saying we didn't want to buy anything, we have plenty of stuff, but we need help with the mortgage. HINT. Nope, no bite.

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My mother had a hernia and kept putting off surgery “until Anita dies!” Anita died in APRIL. She put off the surgery for 3 more months.
She wanted me to come take care of her… of course. 

Why me? Because I was “self-employed” and could “shut the shop down whenever you want to!”
Our business was sponsoring an event which was to take place on August 2nd. I told her this and I asked her to try to schedule the surgery AFTER the event.
NOPE. July 30th.
“That’s the date they GAVE me! I had NO CHOICE!”
Right… I seriously doubt that.

Maxine showed up at the hospital to sit vigil. I wasn't surprised, since she lives there. I was shocked when Bob showed up, though. We sat in the cafeteria and he bitched about the choice of food, and fat shamed Maxine and me. He pissed and moaned about his junker car and how much gas it took to drive across the state. I'm pretty sure he was high on something. He had that look around and in his eyes. I just kept my mouth shut. 

As soon as we got the okay to go up to see our mother, we went up, he said hello, then beat feet it out the door.

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August 3, 2013
She's been home for just over 24 hours... Sigh... I FINALLY did something right by her... I made a good dinner.

August 8, 2013
I can tell Mom's feeling better. She's starting to wrap the apron strings around my neck. I HAD to get away this evening so I went for a ride in search of coffee.

August 9, 2013  

As much as the cats annoy me, they don't annoy me as much as Mom does. She has to do a task THE absolute most difficult way possible. Like today. Grocery shopping. Mom had FIVE lists. FIVE. And halfway through the trip, she had lost them. Luckily, I had transcribed them onto another sheet of paper...

 

August 11, 2013 
She kinda got bitchy before she went to bed. I don't know if it's because she's hurting or because she realized I was leaving tomorrow. Sigh... I can't live with her! She is an emotional and energy vampire to me. She expects me to be with her 24/7 and I CAN'T DO IT!

I went for a ride earlier. She said, "Oh, are you gearing up?" Sigh... I actually replied, "No, I thought I'd go out naked." Seriously, some of the questions that pop out of her head. And the grilling me whenever I go to leave. Geez.

She is going to try to drag out our good-bye tomorrow, I just know it. WHY does she have to be this way? I am so thankful that I'm stronger than her, but she's sucking me under. I need to breathe or she will drown me!

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By this point, I had been at her place for two weeks, from July 29 to August 12.

I got to go home for a week, then back to her place for a week and a half.

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August 20, 2013  

I'm back at Mom's.
Really hoping I don't have to come back, for awhile, at least. Mom seems a little more open to moving. I will check out apartments when I get back. She's not going to be happy no matter where she is. Sigh...

August 21, 2013  

Sigh... I can't wait to go HOME. I am so fucking BORED, sitting on my ass doing NOTHING but watching TV or facebook. Mom doesn't like me leaving the apartment. My gosh, I hope I never become so dependent on someone, anyone, that I shut down every time they leave. Yeesh. How weak. She barely let me out the friggin' door this morning to go walk. If she could, she'd have me move in and sit with her all day at her beck and call. 

December 18, 2013

Yesterday Maxine called and woke me up. Mom's screaming "get me out of here!" and Max found an apartment but Mom started the "I can't afford that" routine.

Sigh... part of me wants Mom over here and part of me doesn't. She would be on the phone to me CONSTANTLY and I can't do that while I'm at the shop- we don't have call waiting. Sigh... I would definitely lose my freedom.

 I got everything on my list done. I checked out apartments at Madison Park down the street and they have two one bedroom apartments that are handicap accessible (sic). But when I called Mom, she started in with the "I can't afford that, I'm scared, I don't want to move in the winter, waa waa waa..." Sigh... I asked her "WHERE will you TRULY be happy?" She didn't have an answer. Because she won't be happy anywhere. Oy!!