*Language Warning*
I used a few choice swear words in the journal entries.
__________________
July 24, 1984
I guess nobody likes me anymore ’cause I think my own dear mother is spreading rumors about me all over town. Ya know how I know? Cause people aren’t treating me nice. The kind of rumor that witch is spreading around is like this: “oh, that little brat just stole some money out of my purse!” There are other things she could say I did, too. Like threaten her with a knife or beat up the cat or just about anything but the worst thing she could do is accuse me of spreading rumors about her!
_________________
She would tell people lies about me! She would say that I stole money, or that I was telling lies about her, or that I wouldn’t help with chores.
I COULDN’T help her with chores because she wouldn’t allow it. She would complain that no one would help her with laundry or washing the dishes. I would then offer and she would say something along the lines of, “I can do them faster and better. Go outside and help your father!”
So I would go out and help Dad with changing the oil in the cars and truck, paint the house, re-roof the house, maintain the riding lawn mower, mow the yards (including my grandmother’s) and various odd jobs.
Then, when I went back in the house, she would whine and cry that no one helps HER with HER work. (Sigh…)
Once, I washed the dishes when she wasn’t home. When she came in the kitchen, I said, “Surprise! I washed the dishes for you!”
She didn’t thank me. She went over to the dishes and started inspecting them, pulling them out one by one and re-stacking them on the counter, all the while saying things like, “You missed a spot! This is FILTHY! I bet you didn’t use scalding hot water, did you? Only scalding hot water will kill all the germs! Now I have to re-do them!”
I never did the dishes for her again.
Laundry was a similar story. She REFUSED to let me do my own laundry “because you won’t do it right!”, yet would whine and cry about how I never helped with ANYTHING! I couldn’t win!
_________________
August 17, 1984 (11:45 am)
Well, looks like it’s vacation day. Can’t wait. I think. Well, better put the rest of my stuff in my suitcase.
(11:40 pm) Living room at Bob and Bev’s
Well, looks like we’re going camping after all. Yahh! How fun! I think!
August 19, 1984 (9:07) Stairs at Bob’s
Well, we made it back. BOY! Mom was an asshole! She kept picking at me. “Heidi don’t do that! Heidi don’t do this! Heidi SETTLE DOWN!” And I wasn’t even doing anything! That shitass.
_________________
We went “camping” in bob and Bev’s van. bob and Bev slept outside, but no WAY would my mother let me sleep outside. “You’ll get eaten alive by mosquitoes! Somebody could kidnap you! You might get attacked by a wild animal!” I had to be crammed in with my parents, my niece and nephew. It was NOT comfortable with 5 of us sleeping in a little van.
We wound up going to a Flintstones themed park in Canada. My niece and nephew enjoyed it, but it wasn’t a fabulous place for a 14 year old. I enjoyed it because the two little ones enjoyed it, but having a mother yelling at you constantly was no fun. No matter what I did, it was wrong.
The picture below shows me on the slide behind Angie. My mother kept yelling at me to “STOP PUSHING HER!” I wasn’t even touching Angie; I was waiting for her to slide down.
These two kids would fight and hurt each other on purpose. In
hindsight, I wonder if maybe they were acting out how they saw bob
treating Bev. In public court records, bob is a defendant and has a
Superior court order for protection dated 12-24-1987. That’s roughly the
time he and Bev split up.
I look pretty happy in the picture below, don’t I? But what you can’t see is my mother standing on the shore screaming, “DON’T TIP THE BOAT OVER! THAT WATER LOOKS FILTHY! DON’T FALL IN! YOU CAN’T SWIM!”
You couldn’t tip these boats over because they were attached so some sort of system that guided you around the “river”. I will admit that the water was pretty dirty. It wasn’t wonderful.
And yes, I COULD swim, despite never having lessons. When I was 12, Dad would take me to swim at the motel just up the street. He was friends with the manager and he said we could come any time to swim. Dad got me some goggles so I could face my fear of getting my face wet and deep water. I figured out how to float and then actually propel myself through water. When I was 13, my mother decided I needed “lessons” and found a teen who was a certified life guard. What I got wasn’t lessons though. It was more along the lines of an assessment to say, “She won’t drown in a body of water.”
At one point during the vacation we stopped at a park that had a lake. Kids were swimming in it, the water was warm, the beach was smooth and there was a dock you could swim to. Was I allowed to swim? OH NO! “You could drown! That water looks FILTHY! No telling what germs are in there!” (My mother is a germaphobe.)
Later on in the trip, we stopped at another park with another lake. This one was crystal clear and ice cold with sharp rocks on the beach. NO ONE was swimming there. Believe it or not, I was allowed to go in, but it was so cold, I couldn’t stand being in it for very long. When I mentioned that it would have been more fun to swim in the first lake, I got chewed out for being ungrateful.
I also remember how we had a guy pass us on the highway and bob got angry. So angry that he chased the guy down and made him pull over. Then bob got out of the van and SCREAMED at the guy. bob yelled that the guy had passed us in a no passing zone, when, if I remember correctly, it HAD been a passing zone. The broken yellow line was on our side of the road. bob INSISTED that meant it was a no passing zone for our side of the road. He wouldn’t listen to any one, just kept yelling about how the guy put us all at risk and his family was in the van and on and on. Narcissists don’t like to be proven wrong.
Overall, it wasn’t a wonderful “vacation”.
Characteristics of a narcissistic mother
http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/characteristics-of-narcissistic-mothers.html
6. She makes you look crazy.
8. She’s a liar in too many ways to count.
14. She terrorizes.
I used a few choice swear words in the journal entries.
__________________
July 24, 1984
I guess nobody likes me anymore ’cause I think my own dear mother is spreading rumors about me all over town. Ya know how I know? Cause people aren’t treating me nice. The kind of rumor that witch is spreading around is like this: “oh, that little brat just stole some money out of my purse!” There are other things she could say I did, too. Like threaten her with a knife or beat up the cat or just about anything but the worst thing she could do is accuse me of spreading rumors about her!
_________________
She would tell people lies about me! She would say that I stole money, or that I was telling lies about her, or that I wouldn’t help with chores.
I COULDN’T help her with chores because she wouldn’t allow it. She would complain that no one would help her with laundry or washing the dishes. I would then offer and she would say something along the lines of, “I can do them faster and better. Go outside and help your father!”
So I would go out and help Dad with changing the oil in the cars and truck, paint the house, re-roof the house, maintain the riding lawn mower, mow the yards (including my grandmother’s) and various odd jobs.
Then, when I went back in the house, she would whine and cry that no one helps HER with HER work. (Sigh…)
Once, I washed the dishes when she wasn’t home. When she came in the kitchen, I said, “Surprise! I washed the dishes for you!”
She didn’t thank me. She went over to the dishes and started inspecting them, pulling them out one by one and re-stacking them on the counter, all the while saying things like, “You missed a spot! This is FILTHY! I bet you didn’t use scalding hot water, did you? Only scalding hot water will kill all the germs! Now I have to re-do them!”
I never did the dishes for her again.
Laundry was a similar story. She REFUSED to let me do my own laundry “because you won’t do it right!”, yet would whine and cry about how I never helped with ANYTHING! I couldn’t win!
_________________
August 17, 1984 (11:45 am)
Well, looks like it’s vacation day. Can’t wait. I think. Well, better put the rest of my stuff in my suitcase.
(11:40 pm) Living room at Bob and Bev’s
Well, looks like we’re going camping after all. Yahh! How fun! I think!
August 19, 1984 (9:07) Stairs at Bob’s
Well, we made it back. BOY! Mom was an asshole! She kept picking at me. “Heidi don’t do that! Heidi don’t do this! Heidi SETTLE DOWN!” And I wasn’t even doing anything! That shitass.
_________________
We went “camping” in bob and Bev’s van. bob and Bev slept outside, but no WAY would my mother let me sleep outside. “You’ll get eaten alive by mosquitoes! Somebody could kidnap you! You might get attacked by a wild animal!” I had to be crammed in with my parents, my niece and nephew. It was NOT comfortable with 5 of us sleeping in a little van.
We wound up going to a Flintstones themed park in Canada. My niece and nephew enjoyed it, but it wasn’t a fabulous place for a 14 year old. I enjoyed it because the two little ones enjoyed it, but having a mother yelling at you constantly was no fun. No matter what I did, it was wrong.
The picture below shows me on the slide behind Angie. My mother kept yelling at me to “STOP PUSHING HER!” I wasn’t even touching Angie; I was waiting for her to slide down.
I look pretty happy in the picture below, don’t I? But what you can’t see is my mother standing on the shore screaming, “DON’T TIP THE BOAT OVER! THAT WATER LOOKS FILTHY! DON’T FALL IN! YOU CAN’T SWIM!”
You couldn’t tip these boats over because they were attached so some sort of system that guided you around the “river”. I will admit that the water was pretty dirty. It wasn’t wonderful.
And yes, I COULD swim, despite never having lessons. When I was 12, Dad would take me to swim at the motel just up the street. He was friends with the manager and he said we could come any time to swim. Dad got me some goggles so I could face my fear of getting my face wet and deep water. I figured out how to float and then actually propel myself through water. When I was 13, my mother decided I needed “lessons” and found a teen who was a certified life guard. What I got wasn’t lessons though. It was more along the lines of an assessment to say, “She won’t drown in a body of water.”
At one point during the vacation we stopped at a park that had a lake. Kids were swimming in it, the water was warm, the beach was smooth and there was a dock you could swim to. Was I allowed to swim? OH NO! “You could drown! That water looks FILTHY! No telling what germs are in there!” (My mother is a germaphobe.)
Later on in the trip, we stopped at another park with another lake. This one was crystal clear and ice cold with sharp rocks on the beach. NO ONE was swimming there. Believe it or not, I was allowed to go in, but it was so cold, I couldn’t stand being in it for very long. When I mentioned that it would have been more fun to swim in the first lake, I got chewed out for being ungrateful.
I also remember how we had a guy pass us on the highway and bob got angry. So angry that he chased the guy down and made him pull over. Then bob got out of the van and SCREAMED at the guy. bob yelled that the guy had passed us in a no passing zone, when, if I remember correctly, it HAD been a passing zone. The broken yellow line was on our side of the road. bob INSISTED that meant it was a no passing zone for our side of the road. He wouldn’t listen to any one, just kept yelling about how the guy put us all at risk and his family was in the van and on and on. Narcissists don’t like to be proven wrong.
Overall, it wasn’t a wonderful “vacation”.
Characteristics of a narcissistic mother
http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/characteristics-of-narcissistic-mothers.html
6. She makes you look crazy.
8. She’s a liar in too many ways to count.
14. She terrorizes.
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