2009- Moving the Nmother

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*WARNING*
I am using software to track who reads this blog.
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April 1, 2009
Yes Virginia, there IS a Hell... Othello. Nothing to do and a mother who drives me up the wall. I am going to try my hardest to not EVER turn into my mother. She is paranoid, impatient, rude, prejudiced, hypocritical and a bigot. Sigh... I'm trying my hardest to be patient with her, really, I am. It's tough, though. She is so insecure, and she blows up too quickly, she's so negative about everything... it's TOUGH to stay positive when you're around it constantly. She thinks that she's the most important thing to you and that you should drop everything and pay attention to her RIGHT NOW.
I had to leave the room because she kept talking while I was reading my school work. ... And she would be pissed if Kelsie and I left to go to a movie or something.

October 5, 2009

Got here to Mom's about 8:30 last night. Worked our butts off today. Had a realtor come and Mom signed to put the house on the market. Then after we ate dinner, we dug out about half of the spare room.

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Memory Flashback:
I didn’t want her to sell the house. It was a good house, new roof, new windows… it needed a paint job again, either that or new siding, and it definitely could have used a new furnace and hot water heater. It could have had central air put in at the same time as the furnace.
But her argument was the yard work and cleaning the place and that every time I came to “visit”, I wound up fixing something. I didn’t MIND that. That’s what Dad taught me to do.
Maxine is the one that lined up the realtor.

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Oct 6, 2009

Mom signed up for the senior apartment but now she is whining and crying, “I can't do this!” So hope I'm not like this at this age. I will make arrangements if and when I can.

Now Anita is claiming the woman who's in charge of her financial is embezzling her money.

Max is all pissed off because we didn't get to have lunch with the bunch. Mom and I were dropping, but we decided to stop at Sheri's to eat a quiet lunch. Guess who walked in? Marta’s hubby, Erich. Sigh… so we high tailed it out of there. We give control to Max when we do that. I am so tired of tucking my tail between my legs and walking on eggshells around Maxine. She does not run my life. But mom is so scared of how Max will treat her.

I am sick of what if questions! “What if the house doesn't sell?” “What if I need groceries?” “What if I need a ride?” WHAT IF??? Mom is making herself sick with these “what if” questions.

Mom SAYS she doesn't want someone at her beck and call. Yes she does! Shit, if I were closer, I wouldn't even get to sleep. She would be at me at me at me at all times! She’s been on the receiving end of that, she says she understands yet she does the exact same thing.

Now if I can just figure out how to be here and at home. Sigh…
I may have to give up the Christmas show.

I'm going to check with unemployment to see if not looking for a job for 2 weeks would go against me. I wouldn't be able to claim unemployment. I realize that, but will it somehow put me on a shit list?

 October 12, 2009

I'm tired of Mom constantly whining.
Sigh…I backed out of the Christmas show. And if I don’t claim, I will have to reopen it when I get back to town.
Sigh... being around Mom for a couple weeks is really going to hurt me. I got home last week with such a negative aura. And if she realizes what she's doing, she doesn't give a shit.

Now, if she would just take the next few weeks and dig out… but she won't. She’ll sit in her chair and wine and piss and moan instead of getting up and doing something about it. Thank you Lord that I'm not made that way! I honestly don't know how my Dad lived with her all those years. 'Course she wasn't as bad as she is now. She’s a complete Basket Case now. She’s going to be pestering the heck out of the maintenance guy or Sheri downstairs or Chelsea the beautician
Still kinda bitter about the Christmas show. She doesn't know what I'm giving up for her. And would she even care if she DID know. Or would she play the martyr to counter it. Urgh. I realized something about her: when she turns her mouth on, her brain shuts off. She was telling me not to tell the realtor about certain things about the house and what did she do? BLAB BLAB BLAB BLAB!!!

October 2009- My mother got another email from my half-brother, Bob:------

Mom,

  I am writing to let you know how sorry I am that I have stayed away, and why.

  All my life I have tried to understand our family. I never will. I have always tried to be a good influence and tried to get everybody to just get along. I was always there to try to help when I could and even got slandered when I tried to help on occassion.

  I respected Bill, even named a son for him, got to be there for him when his mom died. I was very hurt when nobody would tell me he passed, or kept me updated on how he was doing before that.

  I have been through alot in the last few years. Burned out from being a workaholic. Stress over my marriage and divorce. Having been robbed of all my money and most of my dignity and pride by mortgage fraud. Even been ran over by a car and met someone new that is special. I am only now finally starting to recover from all these things. I have been through so many things that I have never talked about, and I felt no one wanted to hear.

  Realize that I feel sorry for staying away, but have had to, as to not cause conflict or to add more fuel to the gossip circle that defines our family. I guess I gave up. Everyone else is in a different world than mine. I don't understand why everyone has to bad mouth each other or be selfish and mean or double standard or resist logic, science, and proven knowledge. I have no control, no influence and no real part of any of my own families lives, and the same applies in reverse.

  That makes me sad. I want you to know that I do know life is hard, for everybody. I do not blame you or anyone else for my actions or the way I am. Bill and you did the best that you knew how, and I thank you both for instilling within me a strong sense of moral charactor and wanting to be the best man I could be.

  The reason for this letter is to say thank you for doing the best you could. I didn't turn out that bad. I would really like to visit you sometime. I am having difficult times due to the economy and also have stayed away because I am broke. Not like the old days. I am starting over from scratch. I will contact you again, as soon as I can afford to travel. I want you to know that I thank you for all you have ever done for me, and I owe you and do really love you. Sorry I missed Mothers Day. I just got a computer again and don't know how to use it yet.

Bob

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Again, he paints a sad story of his life.
Poor Bob.
Also, notice how this letter has different formatting? He actually spells things correctly and uses punctuation instead of run on sentences.

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Nov 2, 2009

Max is already mad at us, so she's going to be a stinker for the rest of whatever. She needs to grow up. Got the lease signed, yay, got 3 boxes of stuff already moved in, yay, got stuff purchased what was needed, yay!

Max showed up to take measurements and was told no, she couldn't go in. That's why she's pissed at us. Oh, well. Mom is afraid that Max will treat her like shit now. Mom thinks she needs Max, Max knows that's what Mom thinks and is going to milk it for what it's worth. And Max needs to get over the “eye for an eye, tooth for tooth” attitude.

November 3, 2009
This has got to be the longest night on earth. I can’t sleep. I’m too sneezy and stuffy. I’m coughing and I can’t get my brain to shut off.

Doesn’t help that I realized I forgot to pay mortgage before I left home. Grrr. And for the life of me, who am I going to get to help move the big pieces of furniture?

I love my mom, but I can't help but feel that her attitude is part of the reason she doesn't have many friends. We went shopping and I had to put up with the heavy sighing and "uhhh"ing the entire time. It was like shopping with a teenager. Grrrr! I'm having to write by my little flashlight and to keep it on you have to hold the button constantly. It sucks that there’s no lamp or anything. And if I turn on the light, she will start hollering "are you okay???"

I had to hunt for a fan for white noise because she fell asleep with her TV up LOUD. Then the fan kicked up dust, which made me cough and snort… yeah, hasn’t been a wonderful night. I can’t even get online or go out of the room without her bugging me.

  

December 28, 2009 

I am finally sitting down to update this thing. Mom has settled into her apartment. She says that overall she likes it. It stays about 70 degrees in there without the heat on. She still has the habit of wrapping things in grocery bags and stuffing them wherever, then gets pissed because she can't find it. Sigh...

I went over the first Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday of December to be with Mom to sign paperwork, get the check and hand the keys over to the new owner.

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On December 9, 2009, my mother was handed a check for $107,000. She had me take her to the bank where she deposited it. Right after depositing it, she INSISTED that they put me as primary account holder. She wanted the statements to come to me as well as the 1099 forms. For the next 5 years, I would claim all interest from this account on my income taxes. At the time, I couldn't figure out WHY she wanted me as primary. All she would say was she wanted to make it harder for Maxine, Bob and Anita to get to the money. 

And, once again, work was involved and not one of the relatives showed up to help. I found help to move her adjustable bed, which weighed about a thousand pounds, but other than that, I moved that woman’s stuff out of her house and into the truck by myself.

When we got to the apartment, some people from the Church of Christ were there, waiting to help unload. Thank goodness. By that time, I was about to drop from exhaustion. I thanked them over and over again for their help.