WHAT family?

Jun 30, 1998

Well I made it to my folks house Monday. I started scraping the eaves in the back of the house, got particles in my eyes and broke out in a rash on my legs. I have no idea what's in store for today. Mom wants to hire someone to scrape and maybe paint, plus she wants new windows elsewhere .

July 1, 1998

I now remember why I moved out in the first place. Mom nagging at Dad and Dad trying to figure out what Mom wants. I hope I don't do Martin that way.

I think Mom is getting irked that I haven't walked with her in the mornings, but I don't have an alarm to wake me. How am I supposed to get up if I don't have an alarm?

 

July 2, 1998

I love my parents to death but they are driving me nuts. I thought that I would be able to do things every once in awhile, but both of them have been at me almost the entire time. It’s worse than when I was living here. I think the thing that's driving me mad is Mom's real loud voice. She can nag! I thought I was bad.

I just called Martin but he wasn't home. I wonder where he is? It’s almost 9:30, he's not usually out this late. Hope he calls back soon. I'm terribly homesick and didn't really realize it till just now. I might drive over to be with him for the 4th so I can have a break from these guys and from Kelsie. She’s really getting on my nerves.

July 3, 1998

I made it I made it home! Yay! I was just getting so fed up with my folks and Kelsie.

August 12, 1998 <back at my parent’s house>

I should be in bed but I'm mentally wound up. I woke (was awakened) at 7:30 or so, ate breakfast then went out and painted till about 3. I'm pooped. Mom's been going like gangbusters. The north side of the house is done except for the trim, the west side is done except for the windows that are to be replaced, the east side is about half done and we haven't even touched the south side. The gates still need to be put together and the little gate needs to be built and I need to learn how to use the tiller if I'm going to take it this Saturday.

August 13, 1998

Well, I wasn't awakened by banging. Mom woke me by making noise with the ladder then. The window guys showed up a little later. I'm looking forward to going home even though it's only for a few days. Then I have another week here, then home to stay. I hope we can get everything done.

10:24 p.m

I can't get my brain to shut off I'm homesick I miss Martin. I wish I could transport, like in Star Trek, home tonight and pop back tomorrow morning. That would be so lovely. I'm not feeling too wonderful either, to tell the truth. I need to pee but Mom's in the shower. She was kind of bitchy today, but it might have been partly because I was so tired. Sometimes it seems like she has a bit of a mean streak in her, like when you're watching a movie and she starts making noise or talking loud when she knows you're trying to listen ...or waking me up by moving the ladder? Hmmm…

I'm debating on whether I should have Kelsie come next summer or not. Kind of depends on what's going on next summer. And it all depends on where they are mentally, physically, emotionally, and financially. If Dad is real sick, then obviously not.

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Wasn't he a cute little guy? I would LOVE to know what he was like as a kid. One of my cousins, the daughter of my Uncle Bob, told me that she didn't think their family life was very happy. Dad never talked about his childhood. 

 

Dad’s health steadily declined over the next 6 years.

And my mother’s paranoia, martyr syndrome and narcissism got worse.

She would harp at him about anything and everything. Nothing he did was right or good enough. She would bitch that she would have to check over his work in the check book register and call people to make sure he actually sent a payment. He would make mistakes because he still wasn’t getting enough oxygen to his brain. But the man tried the best he could. And all the while, she would bitch to me about the mistakes he made, as if he were doing it on purpose. She was trying to make me mad at him… but all it did was make me feel sorry for him.

 

I mentioned that it seems like she has a mean streak. Whenever Dad was trying to watch something on TV in the living room, she would sit there and talk over the show. He would finally get irritated and go to the bedroom to watch it in there.

She would do the same thing to me, only I didn’t have any other place to watch the show. Usually I would just go in the spare bedroom and read or write in my journal.

I helped paint the house that summer. We had to hire guys to scrape when I broke out in a rash from the paint shavings, but my mother and I painted the entire house. We also painted and rebuilt the fences. And where were my half sisters and half brother during all this? Where were my nieces and nephew? How about my cousins?
NO ONE came to help. Not a one of my “FAMILY” came to help.
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I just had a memory flash back:
Mom and Dad were sitting in the living room. Dad was wearing a light weight short sleeve shirt despite it being a chilly evening. Mom was sitting in her recliner, wearing a heavy sweatshirt with the hood pulled up, crocheting.  She looked over at Dad.
"Aren't you COLD?" she asked.
"No."
"Well, *I'M* FREEZING!" she said. "You should go put on a sweatshirt!"
His reply nearly made me choke, "Why, would that make you warmer?"

Looking back, I can see that Dad was a victim of the narcissistic behaviors, too.
I wonder if he suspected that something just wasn't right with her. I wish he were here today so I could talk to him... not that I think he would. He was a very quiet and private person. I guess that's where I get that trait from.

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Characteristics of a narcissistic mother

http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/characteristics-of-narcissistic-mothers.html 

1. Everything she does is deniable

2. She violates your boundaries

3. She favoritizes

4. She undermines

5. She demeans, criticizes and denigrates

6. She makes you look crazy.

7. She's envious

8. She's a liar in too many ways to count.

9. She has to be the center of attention all the time.

10. She manipulates your emotions in order to feed on your pain.

11. She's selfish and willful.

12. She's self-absorbed.

13. She is insanely defensive and is extremely sensitive to any criticism.

14. She terrorized.

15. She's infantile and petty.

16. She's aggressive and shameless.

17. She "parentifies."

18. She's exploitative.

19. She projects.

20. She is never wrong about anything.

21. She seems to have no awareness that other people even have feelings.

22. She blames.

23. She destroys your relationships.

24. As a last resort she goes pathetic.