Aug 7, 1987 6:01pm
The Three Stooges <my nieces Marta, Rebekah and Jessica> plus two are coming and I have to let Sue sleep in my bed and I (lucky me) get to sleep out back in a tent with them. Yippy Skippy. Hopefully they’ll leave soon after the yard sale is all over with. Then Robert, Sheri (some girl he likes) and The Munsters <my niece and nephew, Angie and Willie> are coming Saturday evening. More fun in the sun, eh?
Aug 8, 1987 11:39pm
Well, the storm finally blew over. Mom is very P.O.ed at Max. I hope Sue didn’t find this and read it. I think she ate in my bed and she used something in here that smells funny. All of them were rude and they kept coming in here without my permission.
Sept 4, 1987 11:30pm
Hi. There’s a dance over at Sandy’s parking lot and I can’t go. Know why?
1.) My car is mixing gas and oil again,
2.) there’s a short in the brake lights,
3) they don’t trust me to walk,
4) the pick-up “isn’t safe” and
5) they don’t trust me with the new car. <Sandy’s Drive In was .3 miles away from home, WELL within walking distance>
So lucky me gets to stay home and brood while everyone else gets to party-hardy. Not only that, my mom is hinting that it’s my fault that my car’s brake lights stick and that the gas is leaking again. But it IS NOT my fault!
She always blames me when something goes wrong. That’s why I hate her sometimes. She never gives me a chance to talk and I’m always guilty until proven innocent. And even if I DO prove my innocence, I’m STILL guilty. And they always ignore me when I ask them something. But I do that, oooh, I’m grounded for LIFE! UGGGHHH!!! I don’t know why but I feel like crying. Everybody else is having a great time tonight and I have to stay locked in my room. Why can’t Mom and Dad undo the apron strings just a little? How am I s’posed to learn from my experiences when they won’t let me have any? I’m a good kid, I don’t drink, do drugs or change boyfriends every weekend. I don’t sleep with guys, I try to do the right thing, but they just don’t give me a CHANCE! How come they always compare me to Anita? More than once I’ve heard Mom mumble “You’re just like Anita!” I am NOT Anita! I am ME!! Why can’t they understand that! WHY?
———————————————-
Characteristics of a narcissistic mother
http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/characteristics-of-narcissistic-mothers.html
“2. She violates your boundaries. You feel like an extension of her. Your property is given away without your consent, sometimes in front of you. Your food is eaten off your plate or given to others off your plate.“
This happened frequently whenever my nieces, nephew and cousins were around. I even had to give up my BED for someone I didn’t know.
When I was about 10, I remember my cousin Christina and I sitting in our dining room eating bowls of oatmeal. Tina didn’t like the flavor she had chosen, so my mother grabbed our bowls and switched them. I was then forced to choke down a flavor of oatmeal I didn’t like and hadn’t picked BECAUSE I didn’t like it. And when I cried about it, I was reprimanded.
I got a Snuggles doll for Christmas 1978. I loved that doll. You pull the string on the back and she would snuggle with her little pillow.
My cousin Christina and I were in the backseat, and I had brought my doll. Christina hadn’t brought a toy, and being nearly 5 years old, she wanted whatever I wanted. So my mother told me to share. I shared for a minute and when Christina pulled the string then tried to force the doll’s head to move faster, I took the doll back. Christina started screaming.
My dear sweet mother reached back, took the doll from me and handed it back to Christina who stuck her tongue out at me, pulled the string all the way out and started SWINGING the doll around by the string. You can guess what happened.
The string broke. The doll’s head lolled to one side.
And you can guess what I did. I cried. What did my mother do? Blamed it on me. “If you had shared this never would have happened!” When I told her that Christina had been trying to break it and that’s why I took it back, she wouldn’t listen.
Another instance: I had a Raggedy Ann doll that I loved. My mother had made a t-shirt for this doll. She also made t-shirts out of the same material for my nieces Marta and Rebekah. When Jessica was born, my mother and half sister Maxine got the bright idea to get photos of the girls wearing matching shirts. Only problem was that Jessica didn’t have one. What did my mother do? Went and got the one off my doll. After the photo shoot, they realized that they couldn’t get the shirt off Jessica because she was too pudgy. So they cut it off. Yup. They TOOK and CUT something that belonged to me. And no apology for doing so, either.
When I was about 12, my folks bought a new washer and dryer set and gave me the boxes. I built a two room house out of the boxes and even made furniture with some extra cardboard. I fashioned a lock on the door, locked it and went off to school. When I came home, my nieces were running through the cardboard house, destroying it, the furniture and the toys I had left inside. I was furious. My mother had cut the door where the lock was so the girls could play with the house. She thought I wouldn’t mind “sharing” and when I cried about my things being destroyed, I was chewed out about being “selfish” and “uncaring” and how I should be grateful that my nieces wanted to play with my things. In this case, I had to apologize for my mother taking my things.
As for the “you’re just like Anita” part:
“19. She projects. This sounds a little like psycho-babble, but it is something that narcissists all do. Projection means that she will put her own bad behavior, character and traits on you so she can deny them in herself and punish you.“
Now, she wasn’t projecting her own behavior at this time. She was projecting ANITA’S behavior on to me. Anita was not a nice person. Anita had a problem with lying, stealing, skipping school, doing drugs and a score of other issues. I WAS NOT like Anita.
“22. She blames. She’ll blame you for everything that isn’t right in her life or for what other people do or for whatever has happened. Always, she’ll blame you for her abuse. You made her do it. If only you weren’t so difficult. You upset her so much that she can’t think straight. Things were hard for her and your backtalk pushed her over the brink. This blaming is often so subtle that all you know is that you thought you were wronged and now you feel guilty.“
This was another big one. It was my fault that my piece of crap car was mixing gas and oil, that the brake lights were sticking and that it was leaking gas. How? How could I have possibly made that happen?
Whenever she got mad at me for an infraction, real or made up, my punishment was grounding and/or being slapped. She has a quick temper. She would lash out, then blame me for making her angry.
Guilty until proven innocent is the name of the game.
Characteristics of a narcissistic mother
http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/characteristics-of-narcissistic-mothers.html
5. She demeans, criticizes and denigrates.
10. She manipulates your emotions in order to feed on your pain.
11. She’s selfish and willful.
12. She’s self-absorbed.
14. She terrorizes.
15. She’s infantile and petty.
17. She “parentifies.”
20. She is never wrong about anything.
22. She blames.
The Three Stooges <my nieces Marta, Rebekah and Jessica> plus two are coming and I have to let Sue sleep in my bed and I (lucky me) get to sleep out back in a tent with them. Yippy Skippy. Hopefully they’ll leave soon after the yard sale is all over with. Then Robert, Sheri (some girl he likes) and The Munsters <my niece and nephew, Angie and Willie> are coming Saturday evening. More fun in the sun, eh?
Aug 8, 1987 11:39pm
Well, the storm finally blew over. Mom is very P.O.ed at Max. I hope Sue didn’t find this and read it. I think she ate in my bed and she used something in here that smells funny. All of them were rude and they kept coming in here without my permission.
Sept 4, 1987 11:30pm
Hi. There’s a dance over at Sandy’s parking lot and I can’t go. Know why?
1.) My car is mixing gas and oil again,
2.) there’s a short in the brake lights,
3) they don’t trust me to walk,
4) the pick-up “isn’t safe” and
5) they don’t trust me with the new car. <Sandy’s Drive In was .3 miles away from home, WELL within walking distance>
So lucky me gets to stay home and brood while everyone else gets to party-hardy. Not only that, my mom is hinting that it’s my fault that my car’s brake lights stick and that the gas is leaking again. But it IS NOT my fault!
She always blames me when something goes wrong. That’s why I hate her sometimes. She never gives me a chance to talk and I’m always guilty until proven innocent. And even if I DO prove my innocence, I’m STILL guilty. And they always ignore me when I ask them something. But I do that, oooh, I’m grounded for LIFE! UGGGHHH!!! I don’t know why but I feel like crying. Everybody else is having a great time tonight and I have to stay locked in my room. Why can’t Mom and Dad undo the apron strings just a little? How am I s’posed to learn from my experiences when they won’t let me have any? I’m a good kid, I don’t drink, do drugs or change boyfriends every weekend. I don’t sleep with guys, I try to do the right thing, but they just don’t give me a CHANCE! How come they always compare me to Anita? More than once I’ve heard Mom mumble “You’re just like Anita!” I am NOT Anita! I am ME!! Why can’t they understand that! WHY?
———————————————-
Characteristics of a narcissistic mother
http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/characteristics-of-narcissistic-mothers.html
“2. She violates your boundaries. You feel like an extension of her. Your property is given away without your consent, sometimes in front of you. Your food is eaten off your plate or given to others off your plate.“
This happened frequently whenever my nieces, nephew and cousins were around. I even had to give up my BED for someone I didn’t know.
When I was about 10, I remember my cousin Christina and I sitting in our dining room eating bowls of oatmeal. Tina didn’t like the flavor she had chosen, so my mother grabbed our bowls and switched them. I was then forced to choke down a flavor of oatmeal I didn’t like and hadn’t picked BECAUSE I didn’t like it. And when I cried about it, I was reprimanded.
I got a Snuggles doll for Christmas 1978. I loved that doll. You pull the string on the back and she would snuggle with her little pillow.
My cousin Christina and I were in the backseat, and I had brought my doll. Christina hadn’t brought a toy, and being nearly 5 years old, she wanted whatever I wanted. So my mother told me to share. I shared for a minute and when Christina pulled the string then tried to force the doll’s head to move faster, I took the doll back. Christina started screaming.
My dear sweet mother reached back, took the doll from me and handed it back to Christina who stuck her tongue out at me, pulled the string all the way out and started SWINGING the doll around by the string. You can guess what happened.
The string broke. The doll’s head lolled to one side.
And you can guess what I did. I cried. What did my mother do? Blamed it on me. “If you had shared this never would have happened!” When I told her that Christina had been trying to break it and that’s why I took it back, she wouldn’t listen.
Another instance: I had a Raggedy Ann doll that I loved. My mother had made a t-shirt for this doll. She also made t-shirts out of the same material for my nieces Marta and Rebekah. When Jessica was born, my mother and half sister Maxine got the bright idea to get photos of the girls wearing matching shirts. Only problem was that Jessica didn’t have one. What did my mother do? Went and got the one off my doll. After the photo shoot, they realized that they couldn’t get the shirt off Jessica because she was too pudgy. So they cut it off. Yup. They TOOK and CUT something that belonged to me. And no apology for doing so, either.
When I was about 12, my folks bought a new washer and dryer set and gave me the boxes. I built a two room house out of the boxes and even made furniture with some extra cardboard. I fashioned a lock on the door, locked it and went off to school. When I came home, my nieces were running through the cardboard house, destroying it, the furniture and the toys I had left inside. I was furious. My mother had cut the door where the lock was so the girls could play with the house. She thought I wouldn’t mind “sharing” and when I cried about my things being destroyed, I was chewed out about being “selfish” and “uncaring” and how I should be grateful that my nieces wanted to play with my things. In this case, I had to apologize for my mother taking my things.
As for the “you’re just like Anita” part:
“19. She projects. This sounds a little like psycho-babble, but it is something that narcissists all do. Projection means that she will put her own bad behavior, character and traits on you so she can deny them in herself and punish you.“
Now, she wasn’t projecting her own behavior at this time. She was projecting ANITA’S behavior on to me. Anita was not a nice person. Anita had a problem with lying, stealing, skipping school, doing drugs and a score of other issues. I WAS NOT like Anita.
“22. She blames. She’ll blame you for everything that isn’t right in her life or for what other people do or for whatever has happened. Always, she’ll blame you for her abuse. You made her do it. If only you weren’t so difficult. You upset her so much that she can’t think straight. Things were hard for her and your backtalk pushed her over the brink. This blaming is often so subtle that all you know is that you thought you were wronged and now you feel guilty.“
This was another big one. It was my fault that my piece of crap car was mixing gas and oil, that the brake lights were sticking and that it was leaking gas. How? How could I have possibly made that happen?
Whenever she got mad at me for an infraction, real or made up, my punishment was grounding and/or being slapped. She has a quick temper. She would lash out, then blame me for making her angry.
Guilty until proven innocent is the name of the game.
Characteristics of a narcissistic mother
http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/characteristics-of-narcissistic-mothers.html
5. She demeans, criticizes and denigrates.
10. She manipulates your emotions in order to feed on your pain.
11. She’s selfish and willful.
12. She’s self-absorbed.
14. She terrorizes.
15. She’s infantile and petty.
17. She “parentifies.”
20. She is never wrong about anything.
22. She blames.
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